20 - Kids or No Kids: Who Should You Date After Divorce?

Dating after divorce can feel like rebuilding a house on old foundations—and that’s exactly why we argue for a full scrape and rebuild. We get real about the question every single dad faces on the apps: her kids, my kids, or no kids? Instead of chasing a replacement for your ex, we lay out a simple, practical framework for designing the next chapter with intention—starting with clear values, vivid invitations, and slow, steady timelines that protect your kids and your peace.

We walk through the real tradeoffs of dating women with kids and without. You’ll learn why availability is a signal, not a scolding point; how to present your life with concrete pictures rather than vague claims; and how to replace interrogations with a well-mixed “cocktail” of substance and play. We dig into short-term skill building—leading with specific invites, reading the feedback in her response, keeping free agency—and pair it with long-term judgment about blended family dynamics. If she’s the right fit, she’ll step toward you. If she can’t or won’t, that’s your answer without a fight.

Across the hour we swap “goal line” thinking for a story-first approach. Think touchdowns in the moment: a three-hour conversation that flies, a shared hike that sparks chemistry, a thoughtful follow-up that lands. Those small wins add up to a resilient connection. We also raise the sobering question every dad must answer: do you want this person influencing your children? Slow introductions over seasons reveal character that can’t be faked in a month. And when in doubt, don’t fix her life—protect yours.

If this helped, tap follow, share with a dad who needs it, and leave a quick review. Want deeper support? Check out TheDivorceDadvocate.com for recovery coaching and BlackBoxDating.com for men’s dating mastery. Your next chapter starts with a better invitation.

Chapters

• 0:00 Cold Open: Availability And Attraction
• 1:08 Welcome And “Only Podcast” Banter
• 3:08 Today’s Theme: Her Kids, My Kids, No Kids
• 4:34 Start With Vision And Values
• 9:02 Short Term Dating Vs Long Term Blending
• 13:24 Don’t “Replace” Your Ex
• 18:49 Three Buckets: Her Background Context
• 22:44 How To Talk History Without Interrogating
• 27:29 The Dating “Cocktail”: Mix Serious And Play
• 32:59 Invitations, Feedback, And Leading The Dance
• 37:39 Dating Women Without Kids: Gauging Fit
• 43:39 Paint Pictures, Not Vague Statements
• 49:49 Testing Engagement With Real-Life Scenarios
• 55:44 Slow Dating And The Long Unfolding
• 1:01:39 Goals Vs Intentions: Football Or Story
• 1:06:44 Women With Kids: Availability And Structure
• 1:09:39 The Invite Principle: She Makes Time If It’s Worth It

Transcript

SPEAKER_02: 0:19

If you're asking her how is this going to work, that's going to frustrate her to no end because you're putting the burden and responsibility on her to figure it out. Brad Pitt walks into the room, you know, and invites her into some amazing experience. When you show up as a man with the right dynamic qualities, when you show up as a man with the right invitations to have experiences with you, guess what? She's going to get her act together to make herself available. She just will.

SPEAKER_00: 0:49

Hello and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast, and literally the only podcast, because I Googled it this week for dad's addressing dad's dating after divorce and the fun and exciting world that surrounds that. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the founder of the Divorce Dadvocate, and my co-host, as always, is Dallas Bluth, the founder of Black Box Dating. How are you doing, Dallas?

SPEAKER_02: 1:15

Really happy this morning. Now that I know we are officially the only podcast dedicated to dads dating after divorce. And I'm doubly happy that you use Google rather than AI to pull out the information. That makes me feel like I'm not the only school, only old school person out there.

SPEAKER_00: 1:31

Okay, well, actually, we are both old. Let's just say let's just admit to that to start. We're both old guys, but I actually was using okay. So this is uh we're gonna okay, bear with us, audience. We're just gonna digress here for a moment. I was using Google AI to like come up with podcast episode ideas and whatnot, and I put something about dads dating after divorce as like a general you know, general, and it came up with our podcasts and said our this is the like pre-eminent podcast for exactly what you're looking for. Here's a a list of titles that might address stuff that you're looking for. It had it totally misunderstand my I mean misunderstood my question, but it found us and our episodes and everything for that. So that's why, as far as I'm concerned, we are the only in pre-eminent, pre-eminent podcast for dad's dating after divorce.

SPEAKER_02: 2:28

It sells like it sounds like intelligence to me if it sees us as the pre-eminent podcast for dad's dating. It sounds like it knows what it's talking about.

SPEAKER_00: 2:37

I'll take it. For share. Okay, thanks for bearing with us while we tutored our own horns and feel good about ourselves. Now we're gonna get into some interesting content. The working title is Her Kids, My Kids, No Kids. And what we're gonna be talking about is who to date? Do we look for women with kids? Do we look for a woman without kids? When you get on the dating apps, there's always that one line that says no kids, or has kids part-time, has kids part-time, not at home, or kids not at home, or kids like there's like four, five, six, seven, depending on the site, different variations of that. And so it is obviously a big deal, right, Dallas, that's we're dating with kids now, or we're dating with kids, and we're looking for potential partners that also have kids, which is a much different dynamic than maybe when we started dating, and it was just, hey, let's hang out, and you hung out for a long time, and then you kind of whatever, just got a dog and have fun with the dog for a while. And that's very, very different because my dog now is a lot less work than my three daughters are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 4:06

Yeah, there are so many different angles that we could take this from. You know, what's your available dating pool? What are the logistics of coming together? You know, how attractive are you or not to to a woman with or without kids? And uh, yeah, there's so many directions to go. And where are we going to start this morning?

SPEAKER_00: 4:23

Okay. So I want to start with talking about what you want. Like, I feel like we as dads have really got, and and I struggled with this in the beginning, and that's why my dating life was all over the place. You I feel like it would have served me much much better. And and and when I'm talking with dads now, and we're talking, and I'm coaching dads post-divorce, in it would have served me, and I I've found that it it serves the dads that I work with much better if they've if they've worked through and created the vision for what it is that they want their post-divorce life to look like, which takes a little bit of time and it takes a lot of work to try to sort that out. Now, that doesn't mean that like anytime we're creating a vision, anytime we're thinking or setting a goal for where we want to go, doesn't always mean that we're it's gonna be a linear right to that, and and we're gonna get it. You might need to make adjustments on that. But I feel like working through that is pretty important to to start out. So that's where I think, and and I think you'll probably agree. And we've talked in the and we've talked on many episodes about really getting your your mind straight, getting your head straight, figuring out your stuff, knowing what your values are, like all of that stuff. And this is one really big one that I think that dads need to really, really think through and focus on because there's so many potential pitfalls. And and I'm gonna dive into those a little bit too, because if you if you get with the wrong person, well, in general, if if you get with the wrong person, it makes life a nightmare. If you do that and you have kids, it can really cause lots of big problems. And I say that a little bit to scare guys or to to pay attention, but also just to to make sure to get them to focus on this. So let's start there as to how do you work through thinking about, okay, do I want somebody with to date somebody with kids? Do I want somebody that's not?

SPEAKER_02: 6:40

So yeah, I mean, I I I feel like you're probably more qualified to answer this question than I am, so I'm gonna keep my response brief. I think first of all, I think, you know, I've got kids on my end, you know, as a single dad. I I ask myself, you know, if the other, if the the person, the woman that I'm dating also has kids, that's just gonna make it more complicated. The schedules are going to be a lot more, a lot more limited. We need to have the alignment. Is the time that I don't have my kids aligned with the time that she doesn't have her kids? Where if I'm dating a woman that doesn't have kids, you know, that's not a factor. I I think I think you've got to look at it like that. And then so there's sort of the short-term dating period where there's the courtship, getting to know each other before you get committed, you know, obviously before you bring the woman into your life with your children. But then you also have to look at the long-term vision. Okay, is, you know, is this, do I want someone that doesn't have kids coming into the family life, or do I want someone that's going to have potentially a blended family or at least a blended, you know, shared life sometimes, you know, where our kids are coming together. I think I think there's a sort of a short-term perspective and a long-term perspective. And I think it's okay, particularly if you're just getting back out on the dating scene, to realize maybe I'm only looking at the short term for the moment. You know, I was in a marriage that was sexless for eight years, and I I'm not ready to tie myself down yet because I I need to recalibrate inside of myself. I think it's okay to maybe worry less about the long term, at least for a minute, until you get your feet wet and you know what you're looking for. But it the interesting thing is women with kids and without kids, it's you know, the short term has certain challenges, and then the long term has different challenges. But again, I I I'm not I'm I'm preaching to the choir from from somebody that doesn't know how to preach because I don't have kids. I want to hear what you have to say.

SPEAKER_00: 8:34

Well, you're you're sp you're spot on, and that's what I was going to touch on first, is really understanding where you're at. So I think you would agree that dating is a s is is somewhat of a skill set that is learned, right? And lots of us, at least I lots of us have never learned that skill. And and now that the stakes are are really high, it's almost like getting into something again without that skill could like I said, could be very it could be very difficult. And it could be very not only dangerous, dangerous because you've got kids and all this stuff that goes into it, but it can be very heartbreaking. I remember my my first break, and I hear this all the time from from guys dating after after they get a divorce, is that that first that breakup after the after the divorce, after that first relationship after is is more heartbreaking than even the divorce. And that oftentimes happens because we haven't done the work, right? Like we've been talking about in other episodes of really getting to understand yourself, what your values are, et cetera. And you kind of get in the same dynamic, right? And that's the heartbreaking thing, is because like you you haven't figured it out, right? You haven't figured out, oh, okay, this, and so it's makes it even more heartbreaking. Learning that, but then when you get into dating again, is take that time, like you like you said, in the short term to start to build those skills. Don't jump in lots of times, and and look, I was guilty of this, right? It's like, oh, I just want to replace this. I wanted to be married, I liked being married, I have a family now, I want another family now. Let me plug, let me you know, plug and play, right? That one left, okay. I'm gonna plug in a new one. That is a recipe for disaster because you're going to you're going to really perpetuate what was probably an unhealthy relational dynamic with that that next person. So get with a dating coach like Dallas and learn the skills that will help you in the short run. So, in the short run, that looks like just dating, right? You're not thinking about blending families, you're not thinking about how the kids are gonna get along together, you're not gonna have to be that master communicator, and and potentially if she doesn't have kids, then somebody that's gonna really help her along and learning how to interact with kids. You don't have to worry about any of that yet. That's the the short-term goal is learning how to get out there and and date. What do you feel? How do you feel about that?

SPEAKER_02: 11:22

I I think that's I think that's totally true. I think you do need to get the dating skill down before you get too far into the relationship side. I want to I want to echo back the one word that you said that I think I should really, really have a lot of self-reflection on, and that's the word replace. You mentioned that coming out of a relationship, you you were looking to replace what you had with somebody else. You were looking for the plug and play that could fill, we're gonna say, a hole that was left by the marriage. No woman wants to be another woman in your life. And if she, you know, and if you're coming to it, and again, not that anybody's consciously thinking, oh, I just want to find something to replace my last one, but we have to be honest with ourselves. How much are you looking to simply fill the void that has been created and that is very large in yourself, versus how much are you looking for something new with a woman? Because if you're looking at it saying, I don't know who this woman is, I, you know, I'm I'm I don't know what exactly this dynamic is going to feel like. I know that that the the marriage that I had didn't work, didn't fail. I'm still figuring out the reasons for that. And I'm not looking to replace it right away with someone else. I'm looking for someone else to do it differently with. When you're coming to the table with that kind of a mentality as a man, a few things happen. One is that woman is going to feel respected because she's going to be seen as unique and different. Two, you're going to slow way down as a man because you're going to say, I don't exactly know how this is going to go. And and that will prevent you trying to just plug and play and fill an emotional need. And yeah, need is attached to neediness, and that doesn't make you more attractive. The last thing also with with replacing a woman is you're coming to it with, I think, too much of a vision of what you think you want. Guys, we have to co-create this with whoever this person is, whoever this woman that we're getting involved with. If she's a replacement for another part, I mean, that's like going to the auto store, taking, you know, taking the oil filter and putting it in where the other oil filter was. That's not how she's not going to feel like a woman, like a person, like somebody who's valued. She's not going to feel like she has a voice. And if you really want a dynamic relationship with truly hot chemistry, mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, you know, you know, in your dreams of the future, if you want all that chemistry there, she can't be just a replaceable component of your life. You have to realize this is a new machine that she's going, that she and you are going to form together.

SPEAKER_00: 14:07

Yeah, no, I love that. And I love you, you're uh you're always so great at you know bringing it to the to the relational part, which I think with as guys, just sometimes it's so so hard. We're and and particularly as as dads, like we we've been driven to driven by family and for family, and have created this environment and have and then and then it all breaks down. And we and we literally like it's like a rehab project, right? We just we just want to rehab it, right? We don't want to start over, we don't want to scrape the, you know, we don't want to scrape the building and and start all over again. But but really part of that is you you kind of gotta do that. It's more it's more of like a scrape and rebuild and and maybe repurpose some of the parts into it rather than a remodel project, right? Because it's not like what you said, it's it's not the same person that you're you're gonna put in there. Hopefully, and because if he does, it's gonna, it's gonna it's gonna fail again. And that's why that's why the second marriages, the the divorce rate is even higher, and third marriages, divorce rate is even higher than that. Because we as guides, that's kind of what we do. We want to we want to re we want to rehab it, and we shouldn't be. We need to just stop and do exactly like understand from that other perspective that okay, well, this is a different person. There's gonna there would there needs to be a different dynamic, so that's good that it is a different person, and hopefully we're gonna look for that person that is going to fit a healthier uh relational dynamic, but it's gonna take different skills that that that we need to build that we didn't have because if we had them, we wouldn't have been through what we what we went through, right? So you you've got to get those skills and you gotta figure that out.

SPEAKER_02: 16:02

Yeah, and and one of those skills, you know, now that we're now that we're really unpacking this, one of those skills is what kind of a conversation are you going to have with a woman that has kids versus a woman that doesn't have kids? Because if you think about that perspective, so the woman that doesn't have kids, maybe there's three buckets. The woman who doesn't have kids and has never been married, and the woman who was married but never had kids in the marriage. Because those are two different buckets. I feel like the, you know, coming out of you're you're divorced, even if you don't have kids, you're still feeling different inside than I've never been married. And I think we need to realize as men, first of all, you said it, scrape it. Don't try to salvage your last construction project and you know, bring it in and go like, well, we never built the, you know, we never finished that wall. And it went through a couple of winters, and the two by fours were kind of jacked up now. It's like, dude, scrape it. Don't try to, don't try to build something on that. Like, take it back down. It costs more, you lose resources, it's more work, it's more time. But you can build a proper house that once it's finished, you're not worried if that wall is gonna fall down on you again. But in but in order to do that, I think we have to realize that the conversations we're gonna be having with a woman that's never been married and has no kids, the conversation about the project, the new project that you're looking for a, you know, a partner, you know, in doing is gonna be different with somebody who's never been married and never had kids. And then a woman that has been married but didn't have kids, first of all, that's an interesting story. I'd like to know how all that played out with them. And then finally, the woman that has been married, you know, and has kids, boy, that's a whole nother story because she's got to unpack essentially what was the failed construction project on her end. And how does, and you're no, you're gonna spend more time comparing these two projects. And, you know, I'm chuckling about it, one, because I haven't been through it, you know, I don't have the same scoring, but I still feel that we have to bring a certain a certain lightness in the heart, a certain positivity, which means, like you've said many times, you have to have done the work and you have to be on the path to healing so that when you're having these conversations with that woman, the two of you are coming from a healthy place and you're ready to build something new. You're not still, well, you're not still swinging at two by fours with a sledgehammer trying to bring the thing back down to the ground. Like that's the healing process. That's letting go of the past failed project. I think we need to have three very different conversations depending on who you're dating. And those are those are gonna take different, different listening skills for each group.

SPEAKER_00: 18:43

Well, so let's let's jump into that a little bit. How do you have those conversations? And and you need to have the convert, the history conversation, I feel. I think that's important. And you mentioned whether, okay, you you don't have kids and you've never been married. You kind of want to know some background and understand and get to some level of understanding. You're not gonna completely understand why that may have been, or you you did have a marriage and it didn't work out, or or kids, and then what that dynamic looks looks like. You you really need to know. You really want to know because that gives you some insight into the person, but how do we do that without maybe coming across sounding like like a DA, right? Like, here y'all, and and I know I've been on the other side of that all the time. Like I literally sat there for for the hour first date, and I just you know, I'm like, oh my god, like I feel like I've been just cross-examined for for an hour. Can I get out of here now? Like, uh how do we do that? And like, you know, invite somebody in to kind of you know how do we work the DAOs magic into those those conversations?

SPEAKER_02: 19:56

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're you're hitting the you're hitting the nail on the head. So the way you do it is you need to know what what it is that you do want, because what you want is positive. And then you want to positively embrace whatever it is that you want in the relationship. That's the starting point. And when I tell them, you know, I really want, I really want my next cohabitation relationship with kids, however that is, I want it to be, as an example, I want it to be playful. I really want there to be a lot of laughter and joy. The la, you know, and and that's what I want. That, you know, that to me makes me sing that I love it when I can be playful with a woman. I love it when we're playful. I love being playful with my kids. I want, you know, whoever I'm with to eventually lead to them coming in and being part of it. And so I'm I'm I'm presenting something that is a high priority and a value to me because I enjoy it, because I like it, and I'm positively embracing it. And and when I'm embracing it, and a woman's like, nah, I, you know, I that doesn't sound fun to me. Okay, there's the compatibility or incompatibility sharing itself. Once we've presented one, maybe two things that are very important, and I would say, you know, one message, you know, one sit-down, like one at a time. We had the checkbox thing. You deliver one thing that you know is important, and then, you know, see how she responds, let her respond to that. And we're talking from a future vision of what we want things to be. And we're there, there's a certain amount of rapport. We can see that, oh, yeah, that sounds great. I'd love, you know, I've always wanted to, you know, me and my kids, we we kid around all the time, we horse around. Like, do you ever make forts in the living room when you on movie night? You know, do you ever, you know, what whatever it is. Like, do are any of you guys ever go out in the backyard and sleep in tents and, you know, and you you compare pictures of what that playfulness looks like in a household. And you see whether or not your pictures are compatible. And once you can see that they are, you've already got some positive bonding that's happening between the two of you. You know that you're like, we want to build the same kind of structure, you know, going forward. And now you can talk about past challenges that you've had. You can talk about, you know, one of the things I ran into that was kind of a challenge that I didn't see coming. Notice I'm taking responsibility of I didn't see it coming. What, you know, was that, you know, the practicality of you know, somebody having somebody having to travel a lot for work, you know, that really took a toll, and we never figured out. Notice I'm saying we, not her, not my ex, not, you know, I'm saying we never figured out how to reset so that we could keep that playfulness. Or if I'm being totally honest, I never communicated to my ex how important playfulness was in the home for me. And again, I'm just using playfulness as an example. But when we set the value and the priority first, and then we provide backstory for it, the backstory doesn't feel like a dump truck being being unloaded on somebody. It makes sense. It gives its context for and supporting the vision that we want. What do you think about that?

SPEAKER_00: 23:09

Yeah, no, I think that's that's great. And what you just what you just said doesn't all happen in like the first 20 minutes of a conversation, right? Like avoid, avoid that, like that that DA style questioning or oversharing of because you might you and what you might be getting the D you might be on the receiving end of that DA style questioning and and then you know start getting into all of this details. Like I try to avoid that. Try to try to try to inject maybe some humor into it or deflect some of the questions because really what I found is you want that to evolve over a period of time, over a period of dates, right? And I and I think sometimes I I I see guys getting into this as they would they really again, it's the checklist. Like they want to go through all this checklist and see, like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, she fits. And I and I think and actually see a lot of women too. And I think women's mentality around that is a little bit less like I want to, I don't want to waste time. Like, like I don't want to deal with that. Men's is more of like a checklist, and women's is like, like, I just want to deal with this, and so I'm gonna like, is it a checklist or whatnot? But I find that the the best the best way to do that is over a series of dates. So then that makes you have to to number one, not have this preconceived notion of like what's gonna happen on date one, two, three, four, like this is an evolving process that you're going through. And hopefully, if like you talk about, if you're inviting her into fun and interesting things and you're doing things and you're relating, then you can fit some of this stuff in. That's actually where I feel you're gonna get some of the most authentic answers. Because if you're sitting there DA style, what I feel like I get a lot of the time, because I've been is like, I don't know, I've never thought about that. And it's like, oh my god, seriously? Like, okay, but if you're like you know, you know what I'm talking about, right? Then it's like, and then it's just you know, it's like she's not even pleading the fist. Like you're not, you don't like you say you don't have them in their in their creative feminine place where they're going to be open and they're gonna they're gonna want to talk to you and and open up uh about things. So yeah, what I don't know. I mean I think I'm still trying to figure it out, but that seems to be better than my my DA style when I just you know want to be like, okay, can I figure out if we're gonna have date number two? If you cross off six of ten, you can have date number two.

SPEAKER_01: 25:51

You're the winner.

SPEAKER_02: 25:52

Right, okay. Okay. Tournament style. You've made it to the semifinal round. Yeah. Okay. I think I think the thing we need to remember is, first of all, you're not trying to decide, are we going to have another date? You're trying to decide as a man, am I going to extend an invitation to her for another date? You we need to we need to establish and maintain free agency. Do I am I interested in what I'm looking at? Do I feel enough attraction? Do I want to invite her out again? That's my job as a man. And then when I go to extend that invitation, I want that invitation and the man extending it to be as attractive as possible. That's my job. I don't need to figure out if we are going to have another date. We aren't anything yet. We are still very much independent free agents from each other. So I don't and when and if I start thinking about trying to trying to assess, oh, is this going to go somewhere? There is no this yet. There is no relationship. It's do I want to extend an invitation to her? Much easier, much clearer, and a lot more mystery, a lot more dynamic. I'm standing apart from her, you know, it's like it's like when you're dancing and you extend for a minute, and then you come back in close, and then you extend for a minute, and you come back in close. That dancing is way more interesting than just being at exactly the same proximity the whole time. The second thing is when you're on these dates, you want to realize there's a there's an experience that you're trying to provide, and that experience is a bit of a cocktail. You have a few different ingredients that want to be there. One of the elements in that is the authenticity, the seriousness, what it is that I'm looking for, what's important to me. That's definitely one of the elements. If that is the main element or most of what the experiences, yeah, it's gonna feel like you're talking to a DA because they're down to business and they've got they've got a priority that they're working out. I don't think any woman, or really any man, wants to create a situation where we got to get to the bottom of this. Like that's that's not the dynamic that people want to have. We have to realize that, okay, being authentic, saying, well, this is important, sharing a little bit of background, that's one ingredient in the cocktail. Another ingredient is, you know what, I think we've talked about this enough. Let's let's go on this hike. Let's go, let's talk about something completely silly. You know, what was something this week that happened that you didn't see happening? And you get in the moment. You get you get just fooling around with each other. You know, if if if one of your values is playfulness, be playful with her right there in the moment. Don't just be serious talking about playfulness. So you gotta you gotta learn to have a little bit of a cocktail mix. And to your point, that's a skill that's developed over time. We can't expect ourselves to do it perfectly. And and last thing I'm gonna say is it's fine, even if she's the one that's leaning in hard, you know, cross-examining, you know, bringing in evidence and trying to get to the bottom of the situation. It's fine for you to say, you know what, can we can we shift the topic to something else? I am fine talking about these things, but I wanna I want to just sort of enjoy some time together too. And and I think it's perfectly fine to state that. It's perfectly fine to make that shift. And the more consciously we do it in a lot of ways, the more it, you know, it's going to be very clear that we're doing it. And we're just saying, I would like to. This is my preference, this is something I'd like to experience. And then see what she does. It can she let go of it for a minute. If she can't let go of it, maybe she's just still angry and hasn't processed her stuff. If she does let go of it, she's like, oh, thanks. Yeah, sometimes I get ruminating on this and I I forget and everything. And then you go off and have a great time. Suddenly I want to invite her on another date.

SPEAKER_00: 29:55

Yeah, no, that's a that's a really, really great point, right? We're always looking, and you always say this, we're always looking for the feedback, right? Inviting and then looking for the feedback. Can she let that go? Can she roll with it? Can she can she follow my lead, right? Can and and feel comfortable in in that to to whatever extent you're leading at that moment within the context of where you're at data. right that and hopefully maybe that evolves over time and and and deepens and then with with trust etc then that that becomes what something that she can do even more and you step up with that so let's talk then let's talk a little bit more now about this the specific things to look at within each of those contexts of no kids or kids and and with in in so let's start with with no kids because it seemed a lot more simpler to assess where she's at and whether that's something that that that is preferable for you and and and why that might be preferable for you. The the obvious the obvious things are that she has more time and she has less encumbrances if you will or or ties. Encumbrance is I think is a really good word because it's not it's neutral as far as as I'm concerned that she just has things that she has to attend to that are not optional right and that's so that's an encumbrance to to to me right she's got an ex so she has to to to to communicate to whatever extent she's communicating with that ex so that's part of somebody that that doesn't have that so she doesn't have you know she doesn't but maybe she has an ex-husband right so so trying to know and understand the the relationship with with that I think is important to have they remained friends do they remain in contact what is you know what is the what how do things transpire through the through the divorce are always good good information. So I that is some of the first things also the the big one for me is does she relate to and understand that you have kids I say in and so let's talk about I because I think that's a big one is how do we how do we how do we probe around that let's let's let's say the the the this the sympathy and understanding of the fact that that you have kids right I I know I know you're laughing at my terminology.

SPEAKER_02: 32:44

No no I'm not laughing at your terminology. I'm laughing at this slightly actually in this moment because I've been on several dates with attractive single moms and they they came to the summary judgment off of one date that I can't understand or relate to their lives as a single mom whatsoever. And I was like what exactly led you to believe that I don't understand this because we didn't even talk about it. And I think I think they I think they assume that you know well you know Dallas has got his finances together he doesn't you know he doesn't have the typical nine to five job oh he must be a Peter Pan he must be you know just out there having fun. And they assume that I don't understand what the severity is of parenthood. And I I can tell you actually I've talked with several you know parents and it's like they're like no you get it. Like you understand once you have kids your life is not your own life. And I understand if I become involved with a woman a whole bunch of my life becomes not my own life anymore. It's not like I get to just be you know sort of like the bachelor that lives with the woman who happens to have kids but they're all her responsibility. Like I know that's not how that works. I think it's important to not project and make assumptions on what the other person does or does not understand. Because that comes from I think you know how we were raised because I've I've seen very, very irresponsible parents very absentee parents and I've seen single people that are a lot more responsible with kids. So I think when we're trying to assess where the person is first of all beware of projecting onto them too much of what you think you know about the situation when you don't really know them that much, you might be throwing out a really good thing. The second thing is again you know we we communicate in words but we think in pictures paint a picture for the woman of what something actually looks like if you want to know what's her level of understanding into the situation. You know if you say it's a lot of responsibility being a dad, she doesn't know what the heck that means if she doesn't have kids. She might, she might not, but she's going to have a very different point of view of it if you paint a picture of what the hockey games look like, of what you know of what having three kids that are under the age of 10 look like. You know uh similarly if you have your kids you know 50% of the time, paint a picture of, you know, I'm I'm twiddling you know I get to have a fantastic lifestyle three and a half nights out of the week you know and I do whatever I want. She might be assuming you don't have time and you say you know what I've designed my life so that I get everything I need done Monday through Thursday and sometimes Wednesday and I get Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night to spend on whatever it is that I want to do. You know, when we're getting concrete and illustrating these specific things and you and you give her examples. So for example like if if if part of my lifestyle is you know I get out of town once a month at least you know because I've realized that's really important for me as a single man, feeling alive so that I'm bringing the best energy I can to my relationship with my kids is when they're not here, I get out. I I I go out to the mountains with my buddies and go camping. You know, if I'm seeing somebody we'll take a day trip somewhere and we'll spend the night. You know if I'm painting these details in concrete illustrative terms, that gives the woman an opportunity to situate herself and respond positively neutrally or negatively to the life that I'm living I think that's the best way to have these conversations is paint scenarios and see how people respond. What do you think?

SPEAKER_00: 36:44

Yeah and I agree with that and and I'll add that as much as we paint and communicate about it I really don't feel like you're gonna have a a valid understanding of where they're coming from until you actually get into spending some time with them and then seeing how how they behave how they react and and and and and what comes up and that's then going to be really the the indicator of oh they they might they they might not really understand but they're open to to to learning or opening to be flexible or as opposed to somebody that might just have like they just want to travel and they just want to have this carefree lifestyle and while they're you know they might like some things about your life that they're not fully vested in the fact that you are a dad and that this is while you might have like you described like I I there are some women that I've dated that like like what what you just described like when I don't have my daughters I have a very full life and it's very social and I like to travel and I like to to do stuff and they like that. But when it came to the part with the kids like the hat you could I could tell immediately because they don't talk they don't ask you about your kids they're not interested in what your life is like when you're with them they're just really happy with like oh yeah you're fun and exciting we do fun stuff when we go out of town on the weekends when you don't have your kids but when you do like they have no interest so it's pretty easy to see so what it is that they want.

SPEAKER_02: 38:31

Okay so I I know from a woman's point of view they worry quite a bit about feeling like they're pushing themselves into someone's life. And I I mean I'm like when I date a single woman I'm I'm aware that she has kids but I don't want her to feel like I'm trying to insert myself into that parenting role in her life. I think I really you know I I I guess once once once we've been dating for quite a while, you know, but I leave it to her to share something about the children. And then it's a matter of how do I respond to that share that she's making you know she talks about you know the you know their their child was struggling with a teacher at school and they had these assignments and you know it has to do with a learning disability or something like that. Do I just listen and go, uh-huh, uh-huh and don't really show much interest in that part of that woman's life because the child is part of the woman's life or when I listen to that do I engage with and go like so how do you you know how how does one normally go about you know dealing with learning disabilities or what's the background? I would say it's it's up to the person, you know, it's up to the person to share a certain part of their life because that's the invitation to go ahead and speak into this part. And you know if I don't want you to know about say my relationship with my troubled sister, you know, I'm I'm gonna share that when I'm ready. And then and then how does the person respond when I do choose to share that I don't see it as being on the other person to say, well tell me more about your relationship with your siblings. And like, you know, I mean you you can ask that's a fair question you know you have kids tell me about them you know general questions but I see it as the person to share the part of their life that's important and then see how engaged the other person is and do they engage in ways that show genuine caring or do they engage in ways that are just kind of getting you to not talk about it anymore? And to your point, it that is only revealed over many interactions several dates lots of time together. I think though I think though that it a lot of people is I know when I'm dating I don't want a woman to feel like oh wow Dallas is trying to act like dad already you know he's he he's trying to give me parenting advice that's the last thing you want to do you know when dating somebody that has kids so I tread lightly you know when asking about it. You know if I haven't heard it come up in a while you know I will ask so you know how are the you know how are your kids doing or I'll follow up on something that was shared. But I I let the other person take the lead in what they want to share and how how deeply what they're ready to share in their life. And then what's most important is how do I respond to that.

SPEAKER_00: 41:19

I think the key word that you said was engagement. So if they're engaged in a conversation so I I have kind of a I have a kind of test around this that that I'll that I'll use and I don't want to say well it is kind of a test. It is a test and and and I'll and I'll ask because I have daughters and they're teenage daughters so I'll I'll have a conversation and then I'll ask for their feedback because while they may not have been a mother that were a teen a teen girl right and and maybe they have teen that maybe they have nieces that are or nephews and stuff like too so I'll ask like so what do you so I have this going on what do you what do you think about this you were a teen girl at one point or you were a little girl at one point or or or whatever and then kind of see what that engagement level is that you know is it something that they they genuinely want to have that conversation and want to share and and so it's it's it's twofold right it it helps me to see if they want to be engaged and and talk about family stuff and kids stuff and that but it also gives me some insight into them and their background and maybe what they were how they were when they were young kids and and so it opens up a conversation totally around that but but again and and I also want to point out what you said is like guys this whole process is slow. Like it's not and it's not like I don't I don't everybody started dating at a different time but there was a time in our lives maybe in our 20s teens 20s or whatever things went real fast right like we were just like maybe met somebody and then we were hanging out and then like we're date like next week we're dating right because that's just you you spent literally maybe that entire week with that person on at college or you saw them like like whatever it was whatever stories that doesn't happen anymore right we've got all work and kids and this is a like sometimes a painfully slow process that that you've got to understand that it's a and it's a and it's evolving and it's like peeling layers of the onion but but you're peeling it and then you cry and then you're gonna go out of the room for a while until you get back and you and you're not gonna peel another layer for another week or two weeks. Don't rush it like you said because I have been on the other end of that where you know where you know a woman wanted to give me her doll collection she's been saving for her entire life that you know for for the right man children because she couldn't have children like way too fast.

SPEAKER_02: 44:01

You know I was like no I don't think so I immediately asked the question how many of them are possessed by a demon you know this is a horrible chucky that happened. Exactly yeah with the pearl and doll eyes from the 19th century that just yeah right it's like oh man oh wow yeah so so the thing about the thing about uh taking time is for me that I that I work that I try to make my clients aware of because I feel it's the most effective way to have successful dating encounters is it it's a paradox. On the one hand it's it's slowly unfolding the onion is peeling back its layers and making you cry one layer per week you know to use to use Jude's deep analogy. I love it. Tears of joy and not tears of sadness right yeah I I think it I think it it really depends on simply the perspective that we bring into it. It's sort of like fear and excitement it's just a question of whether or not you breathe you know you know it's you know tears of joy or sadness it really depends on whether or not this is acceptance. Yeah so when you're when you're going through that though you realize like it's not just you know it's like oh well once we're committed or now oh well now we're sexual with each other or oh well now we moved in together. I I'm not sure which one of these markers is you know you're there you know and we're getting in a rush to get to but there is no final marker. I mean the final marker is you know the gravestone in the cemetery. Like that's the final marker. There until then there are always going to be new markers there's always going to be layers to Jude's crying onion you know that get peeled back and it's going to be an ongoing process if you're active and alive and engaged with your partner in romantic ways. So the long game is always happening. You always have to be patient for the next reveal in the process. And at the same time paradoxically every the the moment to enjoy is happening right now. Being present in the moment am I am I effectively sharing you know this moment I had with my teenage daughters and am I am I sharing it with all of the laughing at myself endearingness of I wasn't a teenage daughter I wasn't a teenage girl in my life. I don't know how to approach this am I bringing to it the joy of you know the human condition am I able to laugh at myself by how absurdly blind I am to dealing with life that happens in the moment and and we have to bring that moment to the table when we are then saying so can you tell me how you would read into this what do you see you were you know you know you're a woman you were a you were a teenage girl at one point like what am I missing? And you know and I I I see what you mean by a test. I think it's great. I think we can simply say that this is a little bit more of a maybe a loaded invitation but it's still an invitation. You're inviting her to speak in you're asking her to speak in you want her to and if we change it to an invitation and then we see how does she respond to the invitation does she step into it and go, well, buddy here's the thing you need to know about a young woman you know and it's like ah that right there is mother quality you know she she can relate she gets it and you know she waited for the invitation and then she took it or she's like I don't know you know change goes away it's like well you're not showing a lot of depth here you know and but that's all just like any other part of dating you extend invitations and then you observe how what does she do with that invitation and all of that again is happening in the moment right there you are you are juicing out of that out of that dating encounter out of that moment you're juicing out of it all of the all of the the the the enjoyment of you know romantic interaction that you're going to have you gotta enjoy it in the moment to the fullest and you have to realize that this is going to unfold and change into new moments all the way to the end. And and as men if we try to collapse the moment into a predetermined outcome or a predetermined mile marker and then we collapse all the mile markers to well now that we're married we've hit it you're actually cheating you're you're cheating the best parts of this is never done unfolding and you're cheating the best parts of right now in this moment me laughing about not understanding teenage girls is also all the only thing that really matters.

SPEAKER_00: 49:02

Yeah you know that you that's beautifully said how you how you as usual how how you laid that out and I it think what came to my mind is the differences in how we as guys think about everything period like we'd be thinking a goal you were talking about mile markers what came to my mind was like a football field and a goal line we're trying to get to that end zone we've got 10 yards to and 10 yards and 10 yards a woman is might have it it it's it's a difference between goals and intention and and intentions right like the the goal is more of like a football game and you want to get to the end zone. Intentions are are more like how women think about things and it's you want to get somewhere but it's more of a story right like it's a it's an unfolding story to get to those intentions we're playing on a football field they're listening to us you know they're reading a story or they're immersed in a story right we're playing a game and they're in this and it's like we're we're we're doing two different things but trying to like do them at the same time and that's what came that's what came up when when when you were talking about the the unfolding and for that it's you know don't don't make it like I've got to get to these 10 yards and this 10 yards in order to get get to where I want to get have it be more of a an unfolding story that you are writing right that you're participating in writing to get to maybe the intention that you that you have at the end of this at the end of this this story. But it's but it's never going to be the end like you said the end is at the end of your life. So you're writing this story ongoing as you go like you can have different chapters and maybe the intentions of one chapter and the next chapter and the next chapter will change over time but they're ever evolving. And if you can if you can and look man like I'm saying this because I'm talking to you right and then as soon as we get off I'm gonna go right back to my like my football thinking but but if you can think like think like this I think it helps to guide those conversations when when you're you when you're interacting and on dates with women absolutely so I'm I'm gonna say I think I think your analogy is is really good touchdown you know touchdown baby like we scored yeah that you know it's like if whoever wins the game or not is a completely separate experience then I just scored a flipping touchdown.

SPEAKER_02: 51:46

And I'm you know and that moment of elation is it's the win. It's the win that every man wants to feel and that's a win in the moment. And you should be looking to score touchdowns in the moment every time you're on a date every time you're sending a text message. I mean I'm not I'm not trying to say like obviously every single moment is a touchdown, but you should be looking to deliver that experience to yourself and to the woman in an ongoing way you want to feel like you won the moment, you know, because that's what that touchdown is. And then you want to feel like there is a longer game that we're playing but the game is just made up of a series of touchdowns over and over and over again. And if you just keep you know like nailing it and then you realize that okay well we scored the touchdown with this series of plays and it went that way well you know we got to kick off again you know and run the back they're not gonna be the same plays it's a whole new game until the next touchdown. Well that's that that's realizing that like the drama is going to play out differently the story's gonna play out differently and just realize though that your goal is to deliver a fun exciting game which is the experience for both of you and part of that is to reach the place where you're like oh my gosh look at us winning like we've been here for three hours completely lost in conversation laughing like crazy we haven't even you know there's no DA around you know they've never walked through the door to this coffee shop and we are having you know an amazing time and obviously you're gonna ask her out again that is winning because that's playing the game in a way that just gives life to the to the interaction and when they you know whether it's a single woman or a married woman or you know a divorced woman whether they have kids or not I mean this is probably going to sound over oversimplified but that's not really what matters. What matters is when and if she joins your life and when and if you join her life what is that game going to feel like how much do the two of you feel like you're winning and from her point of view how rich and full is this romantic story that you're that you're leading and inviting her into those are the things to keep in mind because when you get to the end of the life and you look back the question is how rich was the life that you experienced? I mean that that's all it really comes down to.

SPEAKER_00: 54:21

Right. So let's let's talk about that now in the context of how what to look for with a woman that does have kids and the conversations that help prompt and open that and I and I'll just say I find it Availability yeah exactly right on the head like right off the bat bat the most frustrating thing is that not necessarily that they're not they're not available or that it's limited availability because that's I obviously I understand that I've got three kids at some point at one point I was raising them 100% by myself. So if a even if a woman has their kids 100% I understand it's that they haven't structured their life to be dating. And so that immediately becomes like well okay I understand but how are we ever going to have a relationship if you've got like every other Tuesday on months that end in why like like I how does this how is that going to happen and why are you even trying to do this because like it's just not going to happen.

SPEAKER_02: 55:38

So let me ask you this how often has that worked in opening a woman up and making how many times right did you sense some frustration from me Dallas? Yes yes okay no I'm gonna be I'm gonna be I'm gonna be real with you dude the reason I said that is because I'm sorry man but that's the wrong approach for you to take as a man. If you're asking her how is this going to work that's that's gonna frustrate her to no end because you're putting the burden and responsibility on her to figure it out. Again Brad Pitt walks into the room you know and invites her into some amazing you know experience suddenly she finds her own availability. Suddenly she will structure her life in a way that she's available. When you show up as a man with the right dynamic qualities when you show up as a man with the right invitations to have experiences with you guess what she's gonna get her act together to make herself available. She just will but if we ask her why don't you have your act together I wouldn't disagree I'm gonna disagree with you a little bit on that one. Okay. So let me um let me let me paint a more realistic picture. I say Brad Pitt because you know it's easy to get a picture. Let's let's say for example that I had you know you know early in my life I was an electrician and I built up a business you know and it went really well and I was good and everything and I sold the business for let's say like three and a half million or something. And then I you know I put it into stock investments and I grew that and I've been very frugal you know and good my whole life but I'm I'm in my mid you know my early mid 40s you know and and I've got I don't know maybe eight million dollars my house is totally paid off you know I I I have some you know some some different activities that I do but I'm I don't have a nine to five you know I've got like a nice new Tesla that I'm driving and I like it. Oh and by the way you know I actually have a ski you know apartment up in Silverton you know or Silverthorne you know that I like to go to and you know my life is really good you know and I show up and I meet this woman and you know I'm really attracted to her we're vibing really well and you know she's got her kids you know 50% of the time 80% of the time 100% of the time I don't really know what you can do. Honestly I just other than babysitters I don't know what to do. But if I show up and I am the dream boat package for this woman I'm not Brad Pitt you know it's not like I'm have everything but I'm you know approaching maybe a decamillionaire level and my life is really good and she looks at this and goes oh my gosh wow this is this this does not come across me that I don't get to swipe on this profile very often on the dating apps. Wow that woman is going to respond to my invitation my invitation is just my presence just my package showing up and hey you know I was gonna head out to I don't know like you know there's a there's a there's a wine festival happening in Lions Colorado you know do you want to come up with me you know for the day and do this and she's like oh I've got this and that and then she's like no I don't want to let this guy slip away I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna call my sister you know I'm gonna get her to to watch the kids I'm gonna get a babysitter for the day I'm going to start I don't know what you call it there's probably a term but sort of carpool you know daycare like I'm gonna take other kids other parents' kids one day and then they're gonna take my kids this day so that we have some availability like she's gonna start to figure out her stuff but the motivation is you and the invitations that you're extending. When you show up with the goods that woman will jump into hyper speed mode to figure out what she needs to do. And if she doesn't she doesn't see what you're bringing to the table and all of that all that Minutia said and I can hear all of our listeners saying but but but but what about this but what about that? It's all true. Okay your alternative was what Jude said was to say well you know you need to have your life structured and in order trying to have that conversation with a woman is not going to work. She's not going to suddenly go oh I didn't realize I'm yeah I should be more responsible and you know what that turns me on when you say that said no single mom ever to a man ever she women respond to the proper invitation bring that invitation to the table and see what she does with it. And if she and if she doesn't either recognize it or she doesn't have the capacity to get her life in order do you really want her involved in your life with your kids?

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:17

Yeah probably and I think that is the key That you need to pay attention to. And what and while I 99% of the time agree with you, that invitation, even with Brad Pitt, as Brad Pitt, oftentimes is going to be that she can't figure it out and she can't get it together. And there's nothing you can do about that. Like you can you can only you can only say as much as you might want that to work, as much as you are attracted to her, as much as there might be a huge potential, you can only control your part of the situation, how you're showing the the life that you've designed. Now that's a collaborative, that's good, that's gonna be collaborative, obviously, but but the thought process is you're the dads, dads usually are the ones that have this have this set up, right? We've got the plan ABCD of how we can do it, etc. Most of the time, which is the the the reason for frustration for dads, for my frustration oftentimes, is that they they haven't. And then you know, being the the the the codependent that I've been for most of my life, I start to do that, and that's a recipe for the disaster, guys. And and so don't start doing that. You again, Dallas is Dallas's truths are put the invites out there, and then the feedback you get is from the reaction that that you get from from her. If she's not making accommodations to to to to show up for dates, to spend time with you, to cultivate the relationship, whatever you know, that's the beginning, right? Or if you get further into it, how you blend your families, how you introduce the kids, like all of that stuff, then that's your answer. Those are your those that continues to be your answer. And if you put if you put it out there and you keep saying, and then you could and you ask, you do it a certain amount of times, and if you get the answer, if you get the same reaction a certain amount, there's your answer.

SPEAKER_02: 1:03:02

Well, and yeah, 100% true. And you have to ask yourself, you know, you if you're trying to fix the woman and help her, it's like that's not going to be a very competent partner. If she can't get her life together, joining it with you, it probably isn't going to bring it together either. And you have to ask yourself, is this really who I want to bring into my household, into my family? And I, I mean, I don't have children, but I do have this very strong belief. My number one priority as a single dad would be to protect my children. One of the things I have to protect them from is non-adult potential partners. I need to be sure that I am protecting them from craziness, that I'm protecting them from a lack of accountability and responsibility. I extend the invitation. I see how she does or does not step up to the plate of this man's invitation. And then I have to ask myself, do I want a woman that steps up or doesn't step up that way to have any influence on my children? I have that responsibility as a single dad. Do I want them ever crossing the threshold to my home and being exposed to my kids? And that's a very, very sobering question to answer. And if you're like, well, but she's really hot, do I want this woman influencing my children's life? That's that that I think is maybe you know one of the most important questions we have to ask when we're trying to figure out, you know, does she have kids or not? Is and and again, I feel like that's independent of whether she has children or not. That's that's a separate.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:39

I was just gonna make that I was just gonna make that point. It does it just because she has children does not mean that that answer is yes, because it does not necessarily mean that, right? And and vice versa. It just doesn't mean no if she doesn't have kids or hasn't had kids or or wants kids or or whatever, where wherever she's at. So so yeah, so that you're your spot on that's gotta be your first, and that's what I alluded to earlier with the potential danger, right? Because then this person is involved in your life, this person is intimately interacting with with your children, and so that's that is a huge, huge question to ask yourself. Another reason why it takes very long time to get to that point, fellas. And when I say very long time, I mean months and like six, nine, like really 12 months going through. I really feel like you need to go through the seasons and spend this time because number one, because it takes longer to have these conversations, you don't have as much time and access to each other, uh and because it is an evolving process, and so anybody can hide anything for a short period of time. So, and and not that anybody's hiding anything consciously or on purpose, but people's true nature and authenticity will come out over time, and the only thing that that the only thing that will will will help that is to to slowly let that evolve.

SPEAKER_02: 1:06:20

Slow it down, and it helps a lot to have external help. It helps to have a coach. Dude, you are awesome at helping men gain perspective and to guide them and coach them through it. So I know we're probably coming up on the end of our hour here. So I'm just gonna plug it right here and say, dude, tell guys how they can get coaching services to further support and assist this process.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:45

Yeah, so this is this is something where where wherever guys are at, I think even if they're just contemplating divorce and when we have conversations, they're always thinking about, well, even if my marriage is is ending now, I want to do this in a process that is beneficial to everybody, including including my future ex-wife, but but mostly my my kids, to where eventually I can have another romantic relationship and then be a good model of a relationship for them eventually. Like almost exclusively, every guy, every guy that that comes into our community has that intention if if if I talk to them and we get into that. Oftentimes we're not, that's not even on anybody's radar, but but that is the big thing that we do with the divorced advocate community is we we help get through this difficult and challenging time in a healthy and less traumatic, less traumatic way, which benefits everybody on the back end and then gets us to where we are when we're talking about stuff here, Dallas, about about dating after divorce. So if guys are interested, visit thedivorcedavocate.com. There's all kinds of resources there. Like you said, I do individual coaching, which I think just like relationship and dating coaching, everybody should have a relationship and dating coach because the skills that we're alluding to in the beginning, we don't learn, right, unless our parents, which a lot of our parents didn't teach us. Same thing with divorce. You don't you're not gonna go through this hopefully more than one time. You don't know what you don't know going through it, and there's a lot of pitfalls. So uh I think every everybody going through, I wish I had somebody coaching me through it, it would have helped me through some of the challenging times. So visit the divorced advocate.com and all the information you can find is there. And in Dallas, when when they are ready to to jump in and and and determine her kids, my kids, or no kids, how do they get a hold of you?

SPEAKER_02: 1:08:53

Yeah, yeah. When you're when you're looking to bring more of those touchdown wins to every single moment in your dating life, uh jump on over to blackboxdating.com. We've got a men's coaching program. We have weekly office hours, we have an every other Monday program that is a level one dating mastery for men that walks you through setting your goals, how do you get there, what are the obstacles, assessments that you do to figure out where you are in your own dating life, what do you need to work on. And um, and then one of the one of the fun elements is the uh the last weekend of each month, we actually go out with the guys into the field and uh we get real with each other and we interact with women. Yeah, jump on over to blackboxdating.com to check out the details.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:36

Yeah, you were telling me some stories about your your field work uh last week, and it sounds like so much fun. So that's uh that's cool. So yeah, check those, check the check that out, guys. Dallas, always a pleasure, man. We blew through an hour again. Awesome. Thanks for all of your insight. And if you if you guys found some some value in what we share today, please share far and wide on social media. Give us a star rating and or give us a a comment that helps us immensely. Dallas, have an awesome week. Thanks. You too, Jude. See you next week.