Dads Dating After Divorce
Dating after divorce isn’t what it used to be—especially when you’re a dad. The rules have changed, the world has changed, and now you’ve got kids in the mix. Join Dallas and Jude as they share real-world strategies and insights from their work with dads and men at BlackBoxDating.com and TheDivorcedDadvocate.com.
Dads Dating After Divorce
22 - Let's Talk About Sex: Leading Her to Intimacy, One Touch at a Time
Most men try to plan their way to great sex and end up killing the spark. We take a different route: build trust with clear statements, create a protected space for intimacy, and then let go of the plan so real desire can surprise you both.
We start by resetting the premise. Sex after divorce isn’t a sprint; it’s a craft. Jude Sandvall and Dallas Bluth unpack why safety and mutual benefit are the foundation—especially when kids, schedules, and past relationships are in the picture. You’ll hear how to turn “the talk” into foreplay by sharing who you are, not asking for permission: get tested before it’s relevant, say you’re a one-woman-at-a-time man if that’s your truth, and frame exclusivity and protection as identity, not negotiation. Women feel the difference instantly because it signals maturity, care, and a real invitation to relax.
Then we tackle logistics without losing the magic. Think “container,” not checklist: set a private, interruption-free window where intimacy could happen, but don’t script what must happen. Dallas explains how spontaneity—naming your desire in the moment, changing plans when the energy shifts—reduces pressure and increases arousal. If the wave doesn’t rise, you stay gracious and unattached to outcomes, which often creates the next spark faster. When the clothes finally come off, two rules lead to better experiences consistently: slow down and prioritize her pleasure.
Whether you’re rebuilding confidence after a low-sex marriage or navigating co-parenting calendars, this conversation is your playbook for sex that’s adult, ethical, and electric. We cover when not to talk (no texting, not mid-makeout), how to read timing if cues are hard, and how to be both structured and spontaneous. If you’re ready to date like a grown man—and enjoy better intimacy along the way—press play, subscribe, and share with a friend who needs this. Got a question for our live Q&A? Leave a review with your topic or reach out and tell us what you want next.
Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast for dads who are looking at getting back into that game after divorce with all that fun and exciting stuff of co-parenting and parenting and dating and apps and everything else that's uh we're experiencing now post-divorce and dating. My name is Jude Samville. I am the founder of The Divorce Davocate in your co-host today. My other co-host is Dallas Bluth, the founder of Black Box Dating. And welcome again this week, Dallas. Good to see you. Morning, Jude.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you again for having me back. And yeah, looking to jump into another exciting topic here about dating after divorce.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, so we're going to parlay off of last week's episode where we talked about initiating physical contact, physical touch, kind of, you know, making that next move, if you will. I don't like that word, but just uh escalation to physicality when when you're dating a little bit. Or it just and also we talked about, well, like so we talked about breaking that that touch barrier, but we we scaled it back a little bit and talked about touch in general and just how to to feel comfortable with your body and doing that with other men, etc. If you haven't listened to it, I would I would highly recommend before listening to this one. This is like this is an exciting one where we're talking about sex, but go back and listen to last week's episode about it because I thought that we talked about a lot of great stuff about just feeling comfortable. We talked about maybe how to initiate a first kiss, how to work up to that, etc. And now we're taking this to maybe the you describe as the culmination of consummating uh a relationship uh and and talking about and hopefully initiating some uh sexual uh intercourse. So so let's jump into that. Uh it's uh I had anticipated, like I said last week, talking about it. It is such a big topic. And in prepping for this, I'm like, oh, okay, I'm glad we didn't get into it last week because there's a that's it actually, there's so much more when you are our our age and when you are dating after divorce, and so it's it's it's not like in our 20s, where it was like, okay, we're it kind of just happened, or you're hanging out. Yeah, we were talking last week, like how you hung out, and when you met somebody, you hung out for weeks straight, right? Like every single day, and you just did that, and then like you probably had sex, and that just like and it and it happened because you were hanging out all night and whatever, and like it's so not like that anymore, right? And so just give me some thoughts on that, and then we're gonna then we'll jump into like some logistics, if you will, because unfortunately, this it at this point it takes logistics, really. You're you're like a yeah, you're like a coordinator at the you know, a sex coordinator at this point.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, uh well, if you're a single dad, definitely. You've there's so many other variables that come into play, you know, appropriateness. Your life isn't entirely your own. You have to worry about who else is in the house, who else is in the room, you know, who else is around that energy. You know, so much of that comes into play. When we were younger, I think the only thing really that we're probably worried about is that nobody got pregnant. That was probably the main concern. Even that, maybe we weren't as worried about it as we should have been. Uh now that we've been now that we've been around the block, you know, a few dozen times and you know, been knocked around a few times, we we take it all hopefully a little more seriously. And we realize that, you know, as as powerful as the sex drive is in us as men and in all people, it brings with it so many different consequences, both, you know, both good and you know, and potentially bad. And I think I think the place to start with is just to respect how powerful the sex drive is in both men and women, and to realize that that sex drive in a lot of ways is coming from different places.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And you know, I do I do wanna I I do want to mention that we talk about relationships and relating and creating connections, etc., with with individuals before we get to to this point. And I think it's it's fair to to recognize some people think uh listening, everybody has their different feelings around should you have sex, should you not have sex, do you have religious feelings around it? I think that you know, I'm I'm I'm Christian, I have some strong feelings about that. I think we can I I would like to just safely say that in the context of having a connection with somebody and and and and having uh feeling that you are connected and are in a relationship that is beneficial to the both of you, is incredibly important before initiating or getting into this. And so we talked about some of these skills, and I think you do a masterful job of of differentiating some of the the jargon and the crap that is out there, which is all just like skills to get to a me uh like a means to an end to just having sex. And and I want to make sure that in in listening to this episode, if this is the first episode you're tuning into, like go back and listen to some other ones because there's much a better, a bigger build-up to this. And we're not gonna talk really that much about that today, but I want I just wanted to recognize that with anybody that's that's listening, no matter what your age, if you're a little bit younger or if you're older like us, that's that's really, really an in an important thing.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I think I think I first of all completely agree. People are coming to sexual encounters with very different backgrounds, very different beliefs, and very different histories. I think I mentioned in the last episode, you know, if you're just getting out of a marriage that had virtually no sex in it, it's perfectly fine to want to express and experience more sex because that has been taken off, you know, off the menu for you for a while. I, you know, uh to what degree you need to be committed, to what degree you you need to, you know, however you want to look at the connection you have somebody with sex, the most important thing that you just said is that this needs to be mutually beneficial. Both people need to be having a good experience as a result. And, you know, the I I believe it's oh, I forgot the name of the book, but it's an evolutionary psychology book that basically went into the idea that throughout the animal kingdom, there's there's a sex is a resource. Sexual reproduction, you know, the availability of, you know, male sperm and female eggs, you know, there's a limited quantity, particularly on the egg side with the female side, than there is on the male side. But but they're all resources, essentially, when it comes to reproduction. And those resources, we can look at it as we are extracting and consuming resources, or we can look at it as we're looking to invest resources. And the important thing is that we are not looking at it from a very selfish, I just want to get laid, I just want to enjoy myself, and I'm consuming women, I'm consuming other sexual resources for my own instant gratification. That for me is the only real moral issue, is that we don't do that selfishly. If both people come to the table and they're both like, look, we just want to have fun, okay, you know, both, you know, it's even. The the important thing though is that is that everybody is coming out feeling better about things to whatever degree, whatever kind of connection that looks like, don't be selfish about it. That that I think is the most important starting point.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And that talk can be or could lead to we don't want to have sex and we want to wait, and we want to pursue this in a manner that is is going to be something that it that we're gonna save for marriage, potentially too. And so that's equally that's equally fair also, and that just depends on what your comfort level and what your beliefs and your values are, which leads me to the first part is you've got to talk about it, right? And this might seem incredibly unsexy and unromantic, but like we're not in our in our 20s. It does not happen. We've got kids now, we've got so many. This takes a lot, a lot, a lot more preparation and intentionality. And and what's not really sexy is if like you initiate something and you misread signals and that gets shut down, or you get into the moment and and then and then you get the question of wait, wait, hold on. Are you seeing other people? Or you know, or or or you are like in the middle of it, and your teenage kid is not supposed to be with you that morning, and they show up at the house and just walk in the house, and you're you know, having some fun. So, like, that's even less sexy than than having this talk. So, like, that's I think that goes into the world of traumatizing for everyone involved. Yes. So, so the the way I I'm gonna contextualize this and kind of reframe it for the dads listening is having these conversations is is kind of a form of foreplay. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's not it's not building, it's not it's not killing a mood, but it's it's more around more around the idea of you're you're building trust, right? You're you're showing that you're mature, that you're thoughtful, that you're intentional, you're an adult, you're showing respect for for her, for yourself, etc. And so, you know, let's let's talk about just the concept of that and and and why that's important.
SPEAKER_02:The way you just said that, that having the conversation and taking care of some of these logistics beforehand is foreplay. I think that is that is an awesome way to look at it. Women love to know that sexual encounters, sexual advances are not casual on your end. Yeah. No woman wants to feel like she is easily replaceable, just like any other woman, and that sex with her is no big deal to you. No woman ever wants to feel like that. Showing the forethought and the care around, well, I want to be sure that we're in a place that, you know, is relaxed and safe. We're not worried about anybody showing up. You know, we're gonna talk about, you know, preventing pregnancy. We're gonna talk about, you know, whether or not we're involved with other people sexually, or whether or not we're just going on dates with other people. Putting all that out there, um, I'm gonna throw in there, you know, when was the last time you got tested for any STDs, STIs? You want to throw that out there. And and let me let me bring into this what we've mentioned in a lot of other dating contexts. Women are more vulnerable than men in a lot of situations in life. When it comes to pregnancy, women experience a level of vulnerability that exceeds what a man does. I'm not saying men don't have vulnerability. Obviously, every single dad out there knows that you are very vulnerable when you when you get somebody pregnant. But we don't carry the child. Our bodies don't go through, don't go through those shifts. There is, you know, we it's not visible on us in the workplace that we have a baby that's coming and people don't look at us differently. It's it it is the impact on the woman is significant. Similarly, a lot of STDs and STIs affect women deeper than they do men. When we show care for those can for those those real concerns, and when we are proactive, we're not waiting for the woman to bring it up. We're like, hey, I just want to let you know I'm I'm serious about you. I'm just I already scheduled I'm gonna go get tested. You know, yeah. This is this is how I'd like to do this because I'm I'm interested in this and I want to take care of you and us in the process. Coming back to your word, that is sexy foreplay before you actually get into the bedroom with each other.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and we're gonna get into talking about I think those are two, you just brought up two of the really biggest ones, the exclusivity thing and the the STDs or STIs, whatever you call them, is is an important conversation. But but I think I think we're in agreement on on the fact that and and you know this can this can be this can be utilized as a buildup, right? If you do it in the right manner. Again, talking about how you how you prepare yourself, how you are mentally and emotionally, how you step into this conversation, it can be it can create a sexy kind of anticipation and and build up to something if you do it right. So if you can think of it in in those terms that it is foreplay, if you can make it maybe a little bit playful and and and and create that mystery or uh anticipation uh around it, that can be that can be great. And you're building trust at the at the same time. So that's that's great. Let's talk about when not to talk about this or how not to talk about this, because I think that's really important. And and for us guys like Mike, like myself, I've you you know me good enough now to like it might be like a checklist, right? Like, okay, we're at lunch and we're gonna, you know, it's like a business meeting, we're gonna be talking about having sex today. And you know, so let's let's just be clear. Don't do it via text, like that's not the time. And and actually I've had this happen in the reverse, like having it brought up on on text. And I'm like, oh man, this is not like a text conversation that we should be having. So so don't do it, you know, during during or don't do it via text. Another one, and this is one this is this is funny because I I talked to my daughters about this. Don't do it like in the middle of a makeout session, right? Or or like we talked about last week about how to get to that point. Like, this is not you don't want to make decisions, and you also don't want to put anybody, including yourself, into that position during during that that that time. And then the third one I'm gonna say, and then I'll I'll let you comment on all those, is like not the first or second date. Like, just you know, you you you might be really, really attracted. And and that's not to say that things don't escalate sometimes on a first or second date. They they can, but probably not a great idea, guys. Uh unless you're being completely open, completely forthright. Like you both have like basically taken everything that Dallas has taught you over all these weeks and months and like package that into three hours, which if you can do that, I want you to write a book or like so that you can like package it and you're gonna make millions of dollars. We'll help you do that. But but that's probably like unlikely to happen. So comment on like those three times not to do it, and then we'll talk on like what are better times to to do it.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, well, I'm really glad I I I've been making a checklist of the items as you listed them, and I I think I have them in my head. So the first one, don't don't communicate some of these things over text. The reason for that, in in case it's not very clear, is you're a lot of the communication is lost over text. There's no tone, there, and there's no body language, there's no eye contact, there's no presence, there's there's a lot of subtle things that are not being read, both in her response, but also in your initial delivery that are not going to come across. You want that this is a delicate issue. This is an issue of safety first, fun second. You need to be sure that she feels safe. Because if a woman doesn't feel safe, she's not going to be opening up and fully enjoying and participating in insects. She's just not. So doing it over text, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to provide her with those feelings of safety. And you're robbing yourself of reading her response and her reactions to see how comfortable is she. Like you said, this can be a very sexy moment of foreplay where you can really give a very strong, sexy lead as a man. You want to make the most out of it. And doing that over text robs you of that opportunity.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:That was checkbox number one. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I just I just want to add to that, like in general, texting is not a relationship-building tool, right? So if you're and and unfortunately, lots and lots of people in our society have started to utilize this as a as a way to have these difficult conversations without looking somebody in the eye and doing it. And so just avoid that, guys. Like, if you start to get into it, it's simple. Hey, I think this is a bet this is a conversation better had in person. What does Tuesday look like for you? Or let me let me take you to lunch and let's let's let's chat on whatever. But like try to avoid that. It's just it's not it's not beneficial, and it doesn't build any kind of connection. It doesn't in it doesn't augment and and and help the relationship. Like it lacks so much context that it usually will create more problems. So I just want to say that it's just a general rule, period. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:When with the the analogy, the image I give to the men that I work with is trying to communicate meaningful, important things through text is like trying to breathe through a cocktail straw. It's not meant for that kind of that kind of volume. It's just not. It's way too limited and constricting in the connection. So texting is for setting up stuff, quick check-ins, information. You can be a little affectionate, you can be a little playful, but the connection is not built over text. Okay. The second checkbox items was doing it in the moment. Having these conversations in the moment. So you said something really interesting buried in there was you don't want to make any decisions in the heat of the moment. I think that's the most important part because it's sort of it's sort of like how alcohol, you get that in your system in the bloodstream, it starts having chemical reactions, judgment becomes impaired. Same goes for the chemicals in your body when you start getting aroused. Your judgment becomes impaired. You start to make different decisions in that moment of uh romantic intoxication than you would make when you're sober. You want to make those decisions beforehand of what your limits are, of you know, have you scheduled a time or gone and gotten tested? And again, doing that proactively as a man and making the decision that you're going to do it rather than waiting for the woman to ask, it is going to make her feel like she is so well Dakengera. She's going to be in the mood. You know, and but but so I feel that you should make your decisions before you're in the moment. But when you're in the moment, I feel that it's okay to share, you know, the feelings. It's okay to share these things. It's okay to share, you know, like I'm, you know, I'm really looking for this. I just want to let you know this is in the middle of making out. I just want to let you know, I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with a doctor because I just want that to already be, you know, a non-issue. That's incredibly sexy to share with her in the middle of making out. And that could, again, further escalate things and create even more anticipation. Making decisions in that moment, not a great idea. Sharing where you're coming from and what's going on in this whole process, I think that can be quite effective.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. And maybe another general rule, life rule, is don't make any decisions during a time of heightened emotions. And that can be whether arousal or anger or satin, like whatever. A heightened emotion is just stop. Like, don't. I mean, you can have the emotion and go with the emotion, but yeah, don't make a decision during a heightened state of emotion.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, don't sign any contracts and don't don't ride your motorcycle when you're in a heightened state.
SPEAKER_01:Those are the two rules of life. That's the whole philosophy behind spies and female spies and getting information, you know, getting them in this heightened emotional place, and then start asking questions.
SPEAKER_02:And it's like, I'm under duress and I'm telling you I love you and I shouldn't. Yes. Yeah, absolutely not. Okay, and the third point, boy, okay, the third point was like like in the first or second days. Yeah, jumping into it. Right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah, I I mean, sometimes you feel it, sometimes it happens. But I think what we have to realize as men is okay, again, our sexual energy as men is going to be different than the sexual energy with women. Men tend to fire themselves up and be ready a lot quicker than than women are. There's there's good evolutionary reasons for this. There's nothing wrong with it. But realize that that hot flame that you're feeling in the moment, that's just a raw hot flame. It hasn't been tempered yet. A tempered heat, a tempered masculinity. And by tempered, I mean you said, you know what, I am so ready to take you home right now, but it's only been two days. And I don't want to do that just yet. You know, if that's what I'm sharing with a woman, and I'm and I'm not asking her, and then based on her reaction, I'm making that call. If I'm choosing to temper myself just because I feel like it's the way I want to be, and part of that could just be, I want it to bottle up in her more. I want her to be just as hot and ready for this exciting sexual encounter as I am. That's a really good reason to wait, is so that you can give her the time and the opportunity and the anticipation needed for those hormones and those feelings to really start to get up to the same level that you're in. And guys, the more her desire is present in that bedroom, the better the sex is going to be. And the more anticipation, the more time you know, you give her to let all of that get fired up inside of her, the more that desire is going to be present. If you're doing it on the first or second date, okay, obviously there are exceptions, like we just fall head over heels for each other. We've all been there. That happens sometimes. But if you're pushing to make it happen, which is kind of like the tactics of like, oh, you know, three strikes and she's out if we're not being sexual by the third date. I'm sorry, that's just that's just baloney. Um you you want if you want good sex, and for me, this is about having good sex, this whole episode. It's not just consent, it's good hot sex. Yeah, you need you need to exercise a certain amount of discipline so that she has the space to heat up and match you, and both of you are gonna have a good experience in bed.
SPEAKER_01:Right. I think the key to what you just said is low pressure, right? This has got to be low pressure, it can't be high pressure. And and and tell me what you think of this is basically I feel like for guys, if you're ready, then you should wait just a little bit longer, right? Like you're ready, but just wait just a little bit longer because then you're probably gonna match the time frame where you know we've talked about women being slow cookers, right? Like we're we're on fire, they're slow, they're slow cooking. If you're ready, maybe just say, okay, I'm ready now, but I know that I need to wait just a little bit longer because that's gonna match. And hopefully, you know, hopefully you're you're cognizant of and aware enough to to to read where where she's at. But if you're not, and you just need something that's like a a marker, like you're ready, wait just a little bit longer, okay? So if you if you can't figure it out, or if you're or even if you're just having challenges like I often do, uh just say, okay, I'm ready, but I'm gonna wait just a little bit longer and it's uncomfortable. I know that's what Dallas and Judas said that's gonna help me match her.
SPEAKER_02:Is that fair? Do you think it's totally fair? It's totally fair. And you know, it's it's it's common, I think it's commonly understood or accepted, or at least believed, that you know, men are less sensitive to social cues and being intuitive than women are. You don't say. And I think it's true. And it's you know, and I've been doing research lately, you know, about the autism spectrum to sort of learn more about this because you know, and I'm listening to some of these descriptions and I'm thinking, okay, I'm generally considered to be a fairly intuitive, sensitive guy, but I think I might have autism, you know, like I might be high functioning. When I ask myself, because what they're describing, I'm I'm thinking, does this this is like every man? Like every man could self-diagnose himself at some level, you know, of being on the autism spectrum. Obviously, I'm saying all of this in jest, you know, and and I'm not making fun of people with all you know with autism.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm not making my next date when I get in trouble. Well, yeah, sorry, I think I'm on a spectrum.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and I'm and I'm not and I'm not trying to say, all guys, you should have a mental complex like you do. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that, you know, out of the gate. But but the advice you just gave, which is what is a good rule of thumb that we can use consciously, that we can use, you know, in as a placeholder of intuition and sensitivity, that's that's actually one of the tools that people that are on the spectrum use very regularly. They we need to break it down to simple, basic things. Okay, so doing this with my head where I'm making eye contact, you know, essentially uh having a mental timer going of how long you've been talking before you pause and check in with the other person. This is something that actually every man should practice doing, probably every woman too, but we're talking about the man side. Right. You know, learning how to do that. So having having a rule of thumb saying, you know what, I'm ready. I'm it's a it's a fairly good assumption to say one of the two parties is ready when I'm ready. That's a good starting place. And then pause and ask yourself, okay, so how ready, if I had to guess, how how much is this woman at the same level of ripeness for you know for having sex that I am? And you just pause and you ask yourself that because you know that statistically speaking, guys are gonna be ready faster than girls. So you you hit the pause and you ask yourself that question. That's the main that's the main challenge is to is to slow down and ask myself, if I had to guess, what is she feeling? Not where do I want her to be, but what what is she showing signs of of being in the state?
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And when you say, you know what, she looks like she's just as hot and heavy and ready to go as I am, okay, then you know. Then then you go, then you know that the two of you are at a similar place. And again, if your if your goal is to be at a very similar level, that is gonna take the pressure off of her. That's gonna show quote unquote sensitivity, that's gonna that's gonna show patience, that's gonna show all of the, you know, the the old-time word is gentlemanly qualities that every woman wants that shows respect. The respect is just giving her time to warm up and get to the place that that you're in much quicker. But I think I think it's good, like you said, to have a rule of thumb in place, and then that rule of thumb within it is our opportunity to develop the sensitivity.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And so we want it to be low pressure and and and and part of that is the communication. So you're having the the the talk. Some of this is gonna, some of this feedback's gonna be actually from having the conversation with her. And so so I I feel like we talk about low pressure, but but also the time, the good time to have a conversation is when you are connected. Like I've got a like a few different situations, but but they all boil down to that you're you're having uh a moment or some time of real connection with with with her. You're not texting, you're not on the first date just doing intros or out dancing or whatever it is. You're maybe at the end of a great date would be a good one, or maybe in the middle of when you're ri relaxing somewhere, having a relaxing time, maybe glasses of wine together or relaxing on the couch or or something like that, where where you're in a moment where you're having a connection to where she's open, where you can then have a low pressure conversation and then uh and then bring things up like, hey, I'm really enjoying where this is going. I'm feeling like a strong connection, like some conversation around that. And then that's where you're gauging what she's feeling, because then that just uh it keeps it an open-ended conversation. She's open, it's an open-ended conversation, and then you can gauge, and you have to get you have to do less guessing.
SPEAKER_00:Is that fair?
SPEAKER_02:You know it didn't make sense, or is that is that off base? So the word conversation for me is always very neutral, and neutral places for me are not the most effective places when you're looking for masculine, feminine polarity and dynamics and and taking it to a hot place. I for me, the idea of I want to have a conversation about having sex, I want to avoid the feeling of it being a conversation as much as possible. If I'm if I'm telling her, hey, you know what? I actually already got tested because I'm Into you. I already decided a while ago. I'm don't I'm really interested in dating with you. I went ahead and got tested to make sure it's out of the way. That for me isn't a conversation. That for me is simply telling her and giving her, you know, a gift on my end of my own preparation. Okay. And I don't need her to really say anything in return. I can, you know, and I don't have to share that immediately when it happens. We can be getting up to the point where we're feeling the anticipation, we're ready. And I can go, well, by the way, I got tested two weeks ago because I already knew that I wanted to be with you and I wanted to make sure that you were safe in the process. Me saying that is not a conversation. That was one-sided. And she's like, Thank you. You did what I wish every man before had done, which was completely remove the awkwardness from the moment. And if she says, Well, you know, I want to get tested too, I'll be like, that's fine. I just wanted to make sure that I'd already cleared the path on my end. You go do what you need to do. You know, and and again, I guess you can call that a conversation, but we're not really discussing, we're not coming to a mutual decision, you know, in in I'm telling her what what I've already decided, and then I'm letting her decide what she's comfortable with on her end in return. And well, that for me maintains the hot spicy dynamic.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. I I agree with that. How do you then have that same you know approach in talking about the exclusivity part of it then as well? Because that's the those I think where we agree are the the two big ones to to kind of chat about. And what is that conversation or non-conversation? Statements. Let's use that. Because I think that's that's a that's a better way to to to describe what we want to do. We want to be making statements about what we're what we're feeling or directions or or stuff like that. Does that is that a better way to describe it?
SPEAKER_02:That is that is so perfect. And and so I'm going to make statements. So when it comes to exclusivity, I certainly hope that I'm not trying to divine myself and who I am around exclusivity based on my interaction with this woman. I should have figured out long before I met this woman where I stand on my level of exclusivity when it comes to sexuality. And the way that statement would come up is, you know, I'm talking to the woman and say, just so you know, I'm the kind of guy that only sleeps with one woman at a time. I'm I'm only interested in being with you and not with any other women because that's what I'm like. She wants to know that you're being exclusive because that's part of your DNA, because that's part of your psyche, your makeup, that you, that that's part of your identity. I mean, gosh, going way back to like episode like one or two that we did, these questions of identity. I'm the kind of guy that that is only sexual with one woman at a time and there's a break in between. That's that's what I'm like. I'm not I'm not telling her, hey, do you want to be exclusive? Do you want us to be exclusive? That sounds so much more wimpy. Because, first of all, it's a question, not a statement. And second of all, it's all contingent on my relationship with her. And that causes a burden on her end because she's going to wonder, well, but what happens if us, if we are not quite in that place, what if we get a little shaky? That then is is his exclusivity also going to become shaky? Is it also going to be sort of put at risk? Where if he's telling me, look, just so you know, you know, if we get to the place, you know, where we're being sexual, I'm only going to be sexual with you because that's the way I roll. That's just what I'm like as a man. Again, that's a statement. I'm sharing it. She's most women are going to be like, dang, that's hot. You know, that is, that is exactly what I want to hear from a man because it makes me feel safe. And it, you know, and and by the way, you know, like there, I can see all the guys out there, but what about being a nice guy and you're bringing up exclusivity? Yeah. Let me just finish. I'm not saying, I'm not saying, hey, I will you be my girlfriend? I really this isn't coming from a needy place. I am sharing and making statements about how I define myself and how I identify myself. That's not being a nice guy, that's being a self-defined man. Very, very different.
SPEAKER_01:That's what I was going to clarify that, which you just did, perfectly. And the other thing I was going to note is that that is it feels counterintuitive. It feels counterintuitive because we're taught, hey, we need to, we need to check in. We talked last week about the whole consent thing and like where we're at in our society of like asking the questions and getting like a signed document that's notarized that I can you know make out with you now. And and the the craziness that we've we've gotten into and how we've moved away from things like you just described, which is that's the that is a masculine way in which to conduct yourself, which is making the statements. And like, and like you just said, you you weren't saying anything about defining relationships or propositions of marriage or like anything like that. You're stating like what you are, what your values are, what you're doing in your life, and how you're showing up there. And then she has the option of what she wants to do.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And let me add one more piece. I'm telling her what she can expect from me if she becomes involved with me. Yeah, I can tell her what she can expect from me if she gets into a relationship with me, and I'm telling her what she can expect from me if she gets into bed with me and we become sexual. Women want to know that they're safe. That is that is ingredient number one in order for any romance and sex to be happening with a woman, is they have to feel safe. Letting a woman see who you are and what they can expect from you as an individual separate man from them, what they can expect from you, that is the highest level of safety that they can feel. If what they can expect is based on some kind of arrangement or agreement or a conversation that is two-sided, that is going to be inherently weaker than me simply presenting, this is how I deal with STDs, STIs, this is how I deal with being sexually exclusive, this is how I deal with pregnancy. And to come back to your point, I, you know, I need a certain level of emotional connection in order for me to be sexual with a woman. This is important to me. If we don't have an emotional connection, I'm not interested in being in bed with you. When you share these pieces, which are again, every woman wants to hear these things from a man. Don't use these as lines. Find them within yourself. Because when you have these wires plugged in inside yourself, you are setting yourself and her up to have a really, really hot sexual sex life together when you do that. But again, coming back to it, statements as opposed to conversations, way more effective, way simpler, way shorter, way cleaner. And and it leaves the woman just going, boy, why would I not want to get involved with the man who's bringing all this to my doorstep?
SPEAKER_01:Yep. Okay. And so that gets us to the point where we might have some consensus, if you will, that, yeah, okay, we're we're kind of both ready on this, and you've kind of stoked that fire, and you're getting things up to a uh a nice. She's about to take his shirt off. I can see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we won't, we won't, we won't burden anybody with that. But uh, you know, makes me want to go to the gym, right? Get a good workout in. You want to look good naked. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But so now the like the logistical, like the least, least, like if talking about about exclusivity and and stds and tests and stuff were not like unsexy enough. Now you got to become like a logistical coordinator. You've got jobs, you both got jobs. You probably live like who knows how far away, and you have kids and schedules and all kinds of other stuff, and now you got to become a logistical coordinator to actually then figure out like it's it's not gonna be the back of the car, right? Hopefully, right? It's not gonna be. Oh, what's wrong with the back of the car? You know, what's wrong with the back of the car? Back of the car can be fun, probably not you know, to start out with. But anyway, probably not the first time, yeah. Yeah, so how do we then make that in this masculine frame that you talked about, making statements, coordinating this? Like, this seems really, really complicated now. Is like, okay, if even if you've masterfully got to this this point, you've got the calendar, whose place is it gonna be at? Like, yeah, what time do you got to get up in the morning? Like, how do we know?
SPEAKER_02:The last time I showered. What's the thing if I've been at work all day? Yeah, right. What are my feet gonna smell like when I take my shoes off? Yeah, yeah. All of that comes into play, all of it. Okay, so here's here's the real trick, which is which is the thing beneath under underneath all of that. So there's a logistical question, which I'm gonna say is creating a space in a container of availability where in which sex can happen. The problem is if we if creating that container also has an expectation for having sex, that that then takes away the spontaneity and it can quickly become a burden, a responsibility, and even a chore on the woman's side. This is the this is the big problem when you're inside of a relationship, is sex starts to feel like a chore to a lot of women. That is that is the opposite of what you want it to feel like. So we have to create a limited container of time and freedom and availability, and we need to somehow let it spontaneously come up. And boy, is that tricky to do. And the way the way you have to do that is you have to you have to realize as a man, I've got my plan of action, I want this to happen. Cool, awesome, that's great, and you've done everything. You have to let go of your plan. Because if sex is just you executing step 13 of the plan, that's not gonna feel spontaneous and attractive to her. She's going to feel like she's just another mechanical component in your plan. That's not going to turn her on, that's not going to make her feel like the beautiful blossoming flower of the moment that you can't resist. That's how she wants to feel. That's the experience. So the trick is you've set up the plan, you've created the conditions. What is the uh oh, the flight of the concords, you know, business time. You know, conditions are perfect for having sex. If you haven't seen this video, look it up on YouTube. Business time. I have conditions are perfect. There's nothing good on TV, conditions are perfect. When what you want to do is when you get into that moment, you have to let go of your plan as a man. You have to let go of the expectation that this is going to happen. Because letting go of the expectation, paradoxically, is what is going to increase the chances that it will happen. And the way that you do that, so if you let go of your plan and then you're just waiting on her, uh, that's still a burden. That's still, that's still just anticipation. You're still planning and waiting, but you're, but you've now just handed the control over to her side. And that, you know, and that doesn't feel good, and that's a burden on her, and then you feel completely powerless. That doesn't work either. What you want is the third option. You've let go of that plan. You don't know what's going to happen. You're in the unknown. You don't know how this is going to play out. It might even happen in the backseat of the car after the concert. It might. It you have, and you have to be in the unknown of how it will play out. And in that unknown moment, you have to check in with yourself and ask yourself, when am I really feeling that chemistry? When is the moment arising in me? And then you share that arousal, that moment of arousal with her. And you're like, and it could be, let's say you're out at a concert, it could be right in the middle of the concert, and you're like, God dang it, I wish this concert would end because I really want to be alone with you.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. I didn't plan to say that in the middle of the concert. I didn't plan it, but that's what I'm feeling in the moment. And I'm sharing with her my real-time desire for her. And she knows the difference between a scripted planned line and one that is coming from you in the moment right there. And when it's coming up, she's like, Boy, this guy's, you know, he feels it when he feels it and he wants it when he wants it. For all you know, she might say, you know what? I am too. Do you want to cut out of this concert early and you know, like get back? Heck yes. Never mind the concert. You know, like we're gonna, we're gonna seize the moment. So when you follow your intuition and you let it come up organically and naturally inside of you, that is going to that is coming from a place of feeling inside of you and emotion, not your head, from feeling. And women are feeling creatures, they want to respond to your feeling. And when your feeling of desire is really present in the moment, that is what's going to communicate to her and have the greatest impact on her.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So if I'm understanding you correctly, it's that you can create opportunity for it and have intentionality around it, but don't be tied to an outcome.
SPEAKER_00:Is that is that a creative.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, create the container, but don't dictate what's going to how it's going to play out inside that container. And like you said, don't try to control for outcomes either.
SPEAKER_01:Right. So so you're you're still you're still creating the uh opportunity through uh scheduling a time to get together. Maybe that's a dinner, or maybe that's your cooking dinner. Or whatever, maybe it's a concert, or maybe it's a weekend away, right? Like or an overnight to the mountains or or something. So you're still creating the environment for the opportunity. Your your intention, right, is that you would like that to happen. Um but again, I think it's a great, I think your point, and I want to I just want to highlight this, is that like you don't know what happens throughout any given date or time frame. Like something might happen, and then the it's just not there, right? And it could be for you, it could be for her, it could be a circumstance that that comes up. And so the the best laid plans are then like, oh, well, this was it was great, or it was fun, or or it was a catastrophe, right? Like I've had lots of those too. Yeah, and you just can't be tied to the outcome of what you wanted it to be, because then it's just not going to be the experience that that you both want.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's not gonna be sexy, it's gonna feel forced, it's gonna feel controlled, and it's and most importantly, it's a plan coming from your head. A woman doesn't want to feel like she's just step whatever in your plan of getting laid. That that that's up in her head too, because you're coming from your head. From your head in your plan, you're creating the opportunity, you're creating a container, you know, whether it's a weekend away or whether it's just cooking dinner together. You've created this container. What happens inside the container, you need to let that be a spontaneous, spontaneous set of events that are coming from a place of feeling, they're coming from in the moment, because the more you're coming from a place of feeling and urge and and and raw in the moment um spontaneity, the more that's going to connect with her feelings and spontaneous nature, the more effective it's going to be to really arouse her and turn her on. We we have to trust in that. And to your point, things might not play out, like, oh, somebody had a bad day at work, something happened, oh my gosh, it actually turned into tears, and now we're crying, you know, and we're holding a woman when we thought we were going to be having sex with her and all these things. Dude, go with the flow, go with the flow, go with the flow, be, you know, like let go of the plan. Dude, I know it's hard. I every man has a plan and we want things to happen. Let go of the conscious plan, let the feelings happen, follow her feelings, she'll follow your feelings. And we've all been in this place where suddenly, you know, it's like, oh, there's only 12 minutes left in the date, and suddenly somebody just got turned on. They were crying for the last 20 minutes, and and suddenly now we're horny and we're gonna have the best sex, and that sex is gonna last exactly seven minutes and 28 seconds because there is so much emotion that has been built up. And you know what? That's some of the hottest sex that you can possibly have because you didn't try to control it. You didn't try to put you you plan the container because you have to do that as a single dad. You have to create these moments of opportunity. But inside the container, you're you're a totally feeling man, you're a totally spontaneous man, you're a totally in the moment man. And you're not worried about it because, like, like she knows, well, don't worry, you know, it's like right now we need to be in motion, we need to talk about this, we need to unload all this, and suddenly you turn around and she is so ready for it. Yeah. That that does, you cannot plan that. You cannot create that. You have to be in the moment for that to happen.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And so I I do want to I do want to clarify when when you're talking about not controlling, there are there are components of what you can control here because you have to. The logistics you have to control. What you're describing is the container. That's the the logistics of okay, we're we're cooking dinner together at my house on Wednesday. You don't have your kids, I don't have my kids, and we've got the evening. There's some a movie we've been talking about watching, and we're gonna watch that, and we're gonna do like yeah. So you're you are controlling some logistics, you're controlling the environment that you are creating. Let's put it that way.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, a safe container for these things to happen then.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I the the container thing always gets me. I don't I don't know that that it doesn't resonate with me. I don't know if it resonates with guys sometimes, like environment, like yeah, the the opportunity, like so here's kind of a here's the reason.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so here's the reason I'm here's the reason I'm saying it's a container, is because there is a barrier. Uh I have set up, I have set up a fish tank. Okay. I have set up some kind of a a some kind of space, and there is a barrier of what's outside of this space and what's inside this space. That's why I'm calling it a container. I want the two of us to have a space in which we can be free, and we know we have this time, and we are protected from outside influences. Okay. They are outside of the container, and what's inside the container is free and clean and can do whatever it wants and be spontaneous and have fun. We don't have to worry about, you know, kids coming home unexpectedly on days that weren't that weren't ours. We don't have to worry about, you know, people from work calling us and interrupting. We've created a barrier which insulates us and protects us to have a space in which we can do whatever we want. Yeah. So for me, that's why I call it a container.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And that's what and that's what we have control over. Correct. That's what we have control over. And then within that, the the oper the opportunity may or may not arise, depending upon the connection, the evening that you're having, the feedback that you're getting, and hopefully, hopefully you know being in tune to uh the environment that you like, how you show up. That's gonna, that's probably gonna be the number one factor as to what the outcome is, is how you show up then after you've done all this logistics and created that container and everything else, is and let's so let's let's end up, let's finish with that. So so we've done the logistic container creation, and we've like and we've had these conversations before. You've made your statements around, and then all right, like we've got time. Yeah, we've got the time. Well, maybe, maybe not. Like it depends on how you show up and what you bring to to that, and you know what's well what do you got to do how to prepare for that?
SPEAKER_02:And how spontaneous are you in the moment? Because here's one of the things, and uh, this is in the book that I'm working on Women Love Unicorns. Men that have a spontaneous component to themselves. We have structured plans, but then we also have spontaneity. That spontaneity in the moment, I'm gonna share how I'm feeling. The spontaneous is wow, we need to we need to turn off the stove and stop cooking because there's something really important that needs to be shared here. And it is way more important than us getting this meal cooked. We're changing the plan. Being spontaneous like that is very sexy to a woman. She wants to know that you can read the moment, and this is this is really the the the the the the guiding principle is that you grant permission to do what feels right in the moment. You're granting permission to we were watching this movie and you and you go, you know what, this feels this is not the way I want to spend the next two hours with you is watching this movie. I want my attention with you. I'm changing it. I'm granting permission to change the plan. You know, we're cooking this food, but you know what? Damn it, I want to take you to bed. Like, I'm granting permission for that to be okay. And you know, or we're gonna we're gonna leave this concert halfway through because I would because we would both much rather spend the time alone than here, then staying here listening to this concert that we're both kind of into. Granting permission to break the rules, even if they were just the rules that the two of you set like a minute ago of what you're gonna do, that is very, very sexy to a woman.
SPEAKER_01:That that really turns them on. Tell me why, because my man brain goes, Ah, I paid for tickets, we want to stay here, or I'm hungry, I want to finish dinner. But female brain is very, very different, and and this is a really important point. Like this is why I listen to what Dallas has got to say because this is a huge point into the female brain, and it can unlock some glorious opportunities for you if you listen to what he's about to say.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Okay, so I'll jump into the female brain just a second, but first let me tell you why it's sexy to me in my male brain. I bought the tickets, I can throw them in the trash if I want to because I bought them. They're my tickets.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I made this plan and I decided that it's not the plan that I want to execute tonight. I can throw it in the trash if I want to. I built it, I can tear it down because I'm a man. That's what I get to do. I get to destroy and change and rework my plans because I realize there's a better plan that just presented itself to me, and I want to do that plan. Okay, yeah. So, that for me, that that's what frees me up to be spontaneous and to grant permission to change my mind and go, you know what? I was wrong about this. Let's go home. Let's get it on. And when you say that and you're showing that you're flexible and that you change your mind and that you're being spontaneous in the moment, showing those characteristics as a man, that is a huge turn on for a woman. That will make her attracted to you because she realizes you're not overly rigid and you're not just, you know, executing some static, you know, set of things. Okay, that's for the that's for the man's brain, because we want to feel sexy about this with ourselves on an intrapersonal level. When it comes to the woman, women, women worry about a lot of stuff in life. Their level of anxiety on average is a lot higher than the average level of anxiety for men.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_02:They're worried about all kinds of things. They're worried about, you know, am I doing this right? Do I need to do that? Am I am I in the way? Do I, you know, am I pleasing this? Or it's it's there's so many different thoughts and all these responsibilities that they thrust on themselves. I talk about not burdening the woman. Part of the reason is because women burden themselves naturally, just being in the environment of, oh, all the all the lost puppy dogs need to be taken care of and they're cold in winter. As men were like, you've got to be kidding me, right? Like, come on. You know, they're worried about the squirrels in wintertime being out in the snow. And it's like, this is nature, people. Yeah, it doesn't matter. They take those things on, and that is a those are those are burdens that they put on themselves. And there is a a structure and a rigidity and a uh how do you say it? There is a there is a a a sense of obligation that has been thrust on them, that they have thrust on themselves or that society has thrust on them. There's a sense of obligation that they're under. When we can grant them permission to go, for screw it. We're gonna do this. I'm giving us both permission to break the rules. And when you're competent and strong enough of a man to say, don't worry, I'll handle the consequences. If if we are having sex in the backseat of the car and something happens, I'll deal with it. You know, we're I'm granting permission and she feels safe because if she grants permission for herself to break the rules, she's really, you know, vulnerable if she does that. But if she's got a nice, strong, competent man who is there to provide even more safety and protection in these moments, it lets her break the rules. Because I'm telling her, you know what, let's go off into that in that direction that we've never been in. I'm granting permission and it makes it that much easier for her to go, oh God, yes, I'm so tired of having to live by this. And then suddenly she's in the very feminine place of being free and open, you know, and feminine sexuality, when it opens up, boy, can it be wild. It can be so expressive and you know, crazy is really the word for it, because it's there's no more brain, you know, consciously running the show. Yeah, there is a very energetically available, wild sort of sexual energy in the feminine, but we have to grant them permission to go there. We have to tell them it's okay and it's safe to let go of all those rules. And that's why it's attractive to them.
SPEAKER_01:So we talk all the time about the different ways, well, I do at least, right? Because I'm got male brain, and and we talk about the the different ways in which we think. And women are very, very driven by emotion. That's why they change their minds often and are kind of like uh we've described it in the past as the they're like the sea, and we're like the the ship in the sea, and the sea's like kind of going all over the place, and you it's you know, good weather, it's bad, like it's all over the place. And so what you're what you're describing is by being spontaneous yourself, by by us allowing that within a context, right? We're this is and and this isn't like planned spontaneity. You're just saying, hey, I'm feeling that she's feeling like what like let me let me help let me help that that that wave build up a little bit bigger, and then I'm gonna get on my board and I'm gonna ride that wave because it is getting bigger and bigger, and this is gonna be a ride that is gonna be amazing. And you know, I wasn't yeah, I wasn't planning on getting on my board, but I'm gonna throw my wetsuit on and I'm gonna let that wave go, and I'm just gonna and and if that means we're leaving the concert, or that means we stop cooking dinner or whatever because I'm starting to feel it. You're still in control of everything, you're just like going with those emotions, and that's that's for us that's for us, that's more spontaneity. For them, that's just kind of life, right? Like it kind of in general.
SPEAKER_02:It's letting them, it's letting them bring out their true nature, and it is being spontaneous. And you said earlier of a planned spontaneity. That's a total oxymoron. We cannot plan the spontaneity. We plan the container. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna keep using the term where we have an internal space that's for us, and we and everything is outside of the boundary on the other side of the container. And inside of that is guys, and this is the hard switch to make. You let go of the plan, you embrace the unknown, you let yourself be in the moment, you let yourself go, nope, not feeling it, not feeling it. Nope, now I'm feeling it. And you share that with her, and she feels it, and and you're in that flow. And then that wave, like you're saying, it starts to surge. Gentlemen, that is when you grab your board and you catch that wave and you ride it, and you cannot create that wave. All the planning in the world doesn't create that wave. The planning creates the container, the space, the the availability for the wave to surge and for you to ride it. But it you cannot create that wave.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. Really important. The opposite, and so to just bring it full circle and put a bow on it. The the opposite is there might not be a wave. And don't be don't be tied to to an outcome, right? The the weather conditions might. Be great, you might have your suit and your board already, but it's just not, and that's okay, also because you mentioned real much earlier if you allow that to to build, and there she knows that there's there's safety in that not happening, that the next time you know it's gonna be better, or maybe not the next time, maybe the two or three times, whenever.
SPEAKER_02:But it's gonna happen. And just realize that, you know, yeah, inside of that moment, you had that three hours, that four hours of date making dinner, going to a concert, whatever it is, and things didn't line up, they didn't happen. If you get bent out of shape because things didn't go according to your plan, that's going to turn her off for the next one. Because she's gonna realize, oh, he's not really letting me be myself. He's gonna get upset because I wasn't in the mood according to his plans. Okay, that's not gonna help for the next time. If you're like, yeah, it didn't happen. I mean, yeah, okay, I'm a little bummed. I, you know, I wish it would, but it's totally fine. The more that you're in the moment allowing things to flow that the way they are, you'll be amazed that the very next night she's like, Oh my God, I want you so bad. Is there any way that you can drive over after work? Can you cut out from work like just an hour early before you pick up your girls from school? Because I really need to jump your bones. Like, after last night, I am so turned on. That can suddenly appear out of nowhere because you've allowed the flow to happen.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Guys, you you have to realize like there is so much value in creating that masculine frame in which all of these things can happen. And you have to allow for the fact that like you're fooling yourself if you think you're actually creating any of this. You're not. You're creating an opportunity, you're providing her with a steadfast, solid rock that she can count on, but you have to catch the wave, as Jude says, when it appears, not when you create it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Dallas, last thoughts for for for for the dads. It was a lot of information, guys. I know, and it, you know, every time I listen to Dallas, I get very excited and motivated, but then I'm and then I'll walk away and I'm like, oh my god, we talked about waves and slow cookers and containers. And I'm like, holy crap, there's a lot. I need to go back and I need to listen. On that point, yeah, get involved with with Dallas and the community and and the guys and the and the field work and and all that stuff. I say it every episode, but again, there's no there's no better way to learn this stuff than from the master and and being involved in the community. But last thoughts, my friend.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, last thoughts. Uh two pieces of advice for when you are finally riding the wave, clothes are off, you guys are in bed, you know. Two pieces of advice. One is the man's uh sexual satisfaction is much more guaranteed than the woman, statistically speaking. So focus, make sure you're focusing on her enjoyment and her pleasure more than your own. A lot of guys forget this, and all you're really doing is balancing the scales when you're doing that. Number and the other thing to keep in mind is slow it down, take your time. She'll enjoy it more, and you'll you'll just extend the moment more. From women, these are the two things that I've heard from women again and again and again. They wish men would take more time to really focus on the woman's pleasure, and they meant they wish men would just take more time in the whole process. Keep those two rules of thumb in mind. Like we said, all men struggle slightly from autism, so keep those things in mind. Yeah and then and then try to read the moment and see what there is. Jude, what what last pearls of wisdom would you like to throw in there for the especially from the dad side of all this?
SPEAKER_01:I don't have well from the dad side of this, to just to just piggyback on what you said, why wouldn't you want to extend this as long as possible, right? You've had all of this build up, all of this, like and all like just enjoy it, man. Then the ride that way, like hopefully it's taken you a long, long way, right? Like, don't the only time this month, so you know enjoy it, like bask in it, yeah. So I guess you know, because we are busy dads, and like then you're gonna have to go through all this to schedule and do all that another time. Like, take your time. I agree a hundred percent. Enjoy that, like, you know, be there and and present, and you know, make it uh make it awesome for both of you.
SPEAKER_02:So absolutely session coming up here soon, don't we? I think it's um when this episode drops, I think it'll be the yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:November 20th. So let's see.
SPEAKER_02:Tell the guys how they can get the details for that so they can jump in with a live QA here with both of us and you know ask even more stuff that we can't actually say on the air.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. We can get uh we can get very intimate and detailed and maybe hopefully not too graphic, but dude promises to keep his shirt on.
SPEAKER_02:He promises.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Jesus, everybody is praying for that for sure. If you check out the the what probably the easiest way is go to the divorced advocate.com and then go to the events page. And on the events page, it's got all of our events for for the dads, but it's got the uh ask a dating coach QA, which is Dallas, and then you can just you can find the the zoom link there, you can add it to your calendar directly there. So the events page at thedivorced advocate.com. And guys, if you've got anything else going on during your divorce, post divorce, we've got resources for you there to check out the rest of the website and and Dallas. Uh how do they jump into the what what is the community? What is what do you call the community?
SPEAKER_02:Uh it's just the black box, yeah, black box men, black box dating community. I mean, there it you're you're in the community if you're a part of the men's coaching program. And the men's coaching program has included it's a it's a monthly subscription, very reasonably priced. It comes with the uh level one dating mastery for men. It comes with weekly office hours where there's a motivational topic and we can discuss anything going on in your dating life from what's a good dating idea to what do you say in your text message, to you know, we're looking to take this to the next level, maybe into the bedroom. And, you know, I'm not sure quite how to do that. She doesn't seem to be responding. And the last part, which is really kind of the icing on the cake, is the field work that we do in person uh the last Friday or Saturday of each month. Jump on over to blackboxdating.com to check out all those details.
SPEAKER_01:All right. Jude, this has been always a pleasure, my friend. Great conversation. I appreciate it. I appreciate all your wisdom and sharing it with everybody.
SPEAKER_02:We'll talk next week. Thank you, Jude. Talk to you next week. Take care.
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