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Dads Dating After Divorce
Dating after divorce isn’t what it used to be—especially when you’re a dad. The rules have changed, the world has changed, and now you’ve got kids in the mix. Join Dallas and Jude as they share real-world strategies and insights from their work with dads and men at BlackBoxDating.com and TheDivorcedDadvocate.com.
Dads Dating After Divorce
27 - Stocking Stuffers: Diving into Dating App Clichés
Dating apps can feel like a hall of mirrors—sarcasm, “no drama,” tacos and margs, and endless wanderlust. We decided to have some holiday fun and dig beneath the clichés to find the real signals, the hidden landmines, and the easy wins for divorced dads getting back out there. Jude brings the snark; Dallas brings the strategy. Together we translate what she might be saying and show you how to respond with concrete, playful messages that actually get replies.
We start with the big offenders—“fluent in sarcasm,” “I love to laugh,” and “good vibes only”—and explain how to avoid reacting while still leading the vibe. You’ll learn why “just ask” is a low-effort trap, how “must love dogs” signals a lifestyle, and how to handle “my kids are my world” with smart scheduling questions that respect everyone’s time. We also break down travel-as-status, food-trend basics, and the subtle difference between “partner in crime” and “ride or die.” If you’ve ever wondered whether these lines are red flags or just copy-paste culture from social media, this conversation will sharpen your filter without hardening your heart.
We don’t shy away from thornier territory either: height filters, politics in profiles, and the famous “If you can’t handle me at my worst…” line. Dallas lays out how to cultivate grounded, masculine steadiness that can meet emotional storms without losing center. The practical thread through it all: turn generic prompts into vivid choices, keep your messages concrete, and move to a face-to-face vibe check sooner. Ready to swap cynicism for skill and turn clichés into chemistry? Hit play, subscribe, and leave a review with the profile line you never want to see again. Then grab your spot at our monthly live Q&A—details at thedivorcedadvocate.com and blackboxdating.com.
Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast that helps you to decode, decipher, and translate life in the dating world after divorce. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the founder of The Divorced Advocate, and my co-host is Dallas Bluth, founder of Black Box Dating. How are you doing, Dallas? Doing fabulous, Jude. How you doing? I am doing terrific. Getting ready for uh Christmas, my favorite time of the year. So this is Christmas, Christmas week. So I thought I thought since since it is Christmas week, and we've kind of hit some really heavy topics, some deep topics over the last few weeks, that we would do something a little bit more light, a little bit more fun. And so what what we're gonna be what we're gonna be talking about today is what I said in the beginning: deciphering, decoding, translating some of the phrases that we see from women on their profiles on dating apps. So I know that you're not a huge fan of dating apps, I'm not a huge fan of dating apps, but you know, there's a lot of guys that are on the dating apps. I'm I'm still on the dating apps a little bit too. So I think it's uh and and and you know some of this translates into real world talk as as well. So what we're gonna do is I've got the top 20, my top 20s, because there's a lot of them, dude. I could have done like top 50, because like I don't know. I get on these, I go on these apps, and it's just like, oh my god, just like the same phrases over again. I'm like, boring, boring, but like, is there any substance in in in there? And and granted, it is a dating app, so you can't you can't go that deep, but like maybe you can get past these tap 20 that we're gonna talk about. But anyway, we're gonna I'm gonna give my definition of these top 20. Okay, and then and then and then you're gonna give maybe like the real meaning behind them, because mine are maybe a little bit jaded, that might come across a little bit in in in some of these, but anyway, I'm I'm gonna I'm just gonna give my flat out opinion of some of these top 20.
SPEAKER_00:Do it, do it, dude. I am so excited to see to hear all the screenshotted, you know, profile lines that you've had over here. I didn't hey hey hey, I didn't go that far.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I didn't go that far, but but I did go far enough to, which I mean this doesn't surprise you, right? I have notes, right? I I have broken them down in into the personality phrases, the the activity phrases, the expectation phrases, and the subtle, quote unquote subtle ones. Okay, so those should be the fun, exciting ones that really need deciphering. All right, so let's jump in. First one, number one, classic, fluent in sarcasm. This is my definition. I'm going to be relentlessly mean to you, belittle your interest, and insult your outfit. If you get up, if you get upset, I'll gaslight you by saying, hey, I was just joking, don't be so sensitive, right? Yeah. Am I wrong? Or is there a different definition to that one?
SPEAKER_00:I I think you've definitely painted uh a fairly good picture of of the behavior you can expect. I gotta say, that is one of my one of my biggest turn-offs on a profile is if a woman says I'm fluent sarcasm. Uh, I've come it to mean I've I've come to understand to mean two things. One is we seem to think that not having a filter in this culture is like somehow a mark of pride. Yeah. No, guys, it's bad manners. Like it just is. The other thing that I've started to understand when someone says fluent sarcasm is they have a problem with vulnerability and authenticity. Sarcasm is is, you know, if you're being sarcastic about everything and you it and you have to struggle to get real, and then your default mode is always coming back to sarcasm. You apparently have a problem with just being genuine with somebody. For me, huge, huge turn off. And I was thinking about this as you were doing it. I'm gonna try and throw in a little something that the guys can learn for their own profiles. And I just want to make your I just want to make your I just want to address the comment. I'm not anti-dating apps. Dating apps have a place, they totally work for people. I use them for years. I'm personally just very happy not using them at the moment. Uh, may go back to them one day, who knows? Okay, so guys, do not put something about how sarcastic you are on the profile, because as much as that's a turn off for you as a dude, is a woman does not want to date a man who's always sarcastic. Instead, a good replacement word is playful. Much better word than sarcastic.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I like I I I like that. And and that doesn't mean that you want to bring, because you talk about all the time, bringing lightness and humor is one of the best ways to do that. That is completely different than sarcasm, right? And that's kind of why I was into like, you know, sorry sarcastic sarcasm is sarcasm has a neg is is negative in in my mind, right? There's not there's not any anything uplifting about sarcasm. There's nothing that's positive, there's nothing that's the well, and I didn't even think about the vulnerability thing, too. It's it's usually a defense mechanism for somebody that hasn't quite developed their abilities to understand their emotions and their feelings and then be able to communicate them. If we want to be if we want to be real about this, that's really what what that's what that's saying.
SPEAKER_00:Totally true. The only place that I find sarcasm is fun is when it's in hyperbole. So we're taking something to an extreme, but we're both there, we're both kidding about it, and we're imagining some extreme situation and we're both laughing. That is sarcastic, but it's hyperbole, and and it's and it's a very it's a very low form of humor. You know, it's just being silly.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. All right.
SPEAKER_03:That's that was number one. Number two, I love to laugh. As opposed to not wanting to laugh. Like I okay, hyperventilating and sorrow. I mean, this means uh so this means I have absolutely no hobbies. So your job is to be my personal stand-up comedian, dance monkey dance. All right, that's how I read that. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, um, so you read it as men, I'm looking for someone to entertain.
SPEAKER_03:Like the Joe Pesci. What am I, you know, what am I funny?
SPEAKER_00:Well, I think I think what I think what that's what's really behind that statement is I love to laugh. I'm I want to be playful. I don't want to be too serious all the time. I think that's what they're saying. And I think what they're trying to do is filter out if you're a man that can't laugh, if you're a man that is serious all the time, we're not gonna be a good fit. I think that's what she's saying. So, advice to the guys on your own profile, put out there. I love to make a woman laugh. I love to laugh myself. I love I love being playful. Again, these are things that every woman wants to hear.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I like the the playful and the humor. And and and the other one that I see that goes along with this is how there's the prompt sometimes and stuff, or or or make me laugh. That's and actually that's the one that makes me crazy is make me laugh is more is more around that dance monkey dance thing, which and and I kind of I you know I love the laugh make me laugh thing. I don't know, they kind of maybe they're different, they kind of fall together, at least like because everyone does who doesn't like to laugh? I don't understand.
SPEAKER_00:I say that. I've been out on dates with women that don't like to laugh, at least seemingly do not like to laugh. I I would say, I would say make me laugh is it's that's almost like uh I dare you to like I that's almost saying I don't like to laugh very easily and show me that you somehow have this magic power to break through my walls and my you know my sternness. And I if somebody says if a woman says make me laugh, that's definitely a turnoff for me. If a woman says I love to laugh, I'm I would think yes. I mean, I would hope you would. I would host hope most people do, and I would see it as an invitation to play with her. That's that's okay.
SPEAKER_03:So I love to laugh has a little bit of leeway. Make me laugh, read you know, she cares.
SPEAKER_00:I don't like that challenge, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. All right, number three, and this one scares me. No drama, or I hate drama. Okay. So to me, this reads I'm the hurricane, I'm the source of all drama in a 50-mile radius. I lack self-awareness to such a degree that I think the chaos that follows me is everyone else's fault. Red flag, or am I being too harsh with that?
SPEAKER_00:Hang on, before I answer this, dude, do you bring these to dates and do you compare them with women? Because I feel like I feel like you would make it so far on dates if you just told them this is your reaction.
SPEAKER_03:Well, maybe it's why I don't have a lot of dates. Because these rule I rule these out with these, yeah, with with uh with my definition. So I mean, maybe this is my dating life going forward.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so here's okay, so here's what I when when I read that, I mean, no drama, don't want drama. I what I what I hear is this woman has had a past and she's exhausted. Women don't want to deal with extra drama. Uh, my one rule, it is the only rule I have in dating, and that is do not burden the woman.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:If a woman says I don't want drama, she's saying drama has burdened me in the past. That's not what I want going forward. That that that's what I read in that statement. I also, a little bit like I love to laugh, it's sort of kind of a given for me. Yes that you know somebody doesn't want drama. Yeah, that's that's that's the main thing that I hear with that is we want to be sensitive to it. I I don't think it's something that has to be addressed. I don't think it's something that has to be, you know, like spoken to. She's really just saying, like, look, I've been drained before, and if you're gonna be, you know, if you're gonna be confusing, if you're gonna bring a bunch of nonsense to the table, like I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna put up with with it for very much for very long. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:But by and large, women are typically more so the source of drama. So like a woman putting I don't want drama, like I and and granted, there's there's guys out there that you know we all know the dramatic guys. Okay, maybe, maybe, yeah, maybe there are, and and maybe that there, you know, I don't war I don't operate in as many dramatic men's circles, wherever, whatever those those those might be. So, okay. All right, so that's another one is maybe benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's more of a commentary on her life and her life experiences. Maybe I mean maybe that is her being dramatic, and maybe she is the source of drama, maybe she's not. She kind of got to test that one. That can't be really a red flag. That that that at least that at least entitles her to a little more investigation into the situation, if you will.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and and I think also it's I mean, as a guy, I'm listening to this, and if assuming I'm not gonna read too far into it, and I think we have to be careful not to do that with a profile. I I hear that phrase and I go, Great, me too. I don't want drama either, you know, and I leave it at that. And later on, if there's a bunch of drama, I can bring up playfully. So remember that like I I don't want drama thing that you wrote in your profile. So I'm feeling a lot of drama here. I like it. But you bring it up light and playful, not accusatory, you know. You just kind of bring it up and you're like, oh yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, who doesn't like drama? Yeah, good.
SPEAKER_00:Might be a little over the edge, might be a little over the edge. Yeah, yeah, I I would say, yeah, that's that's I got to say on that one.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so yeah, so like you said, some of this is like, duh. Okay, so you're I love humor and you don't want drama. Okay, well, join the rest of the 99% of the world.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, great. But you're but here's here's an important thing as a guy. You don't want to be reactive. You don't want to hear these things and go, oh my gosh, throw your hands up in the air. Are you kidding me? Do you have to say that? Okay, that's you being reactive. Your job isn't to react and respond as a man. Your job is to be is to lead. Your job is to be solid and grounded, your job is to have that voice. And you go, Great, you don't want drama. Great, you love to laugh. I do too. You just proceed forward and not rather than like getting into this whole back and forth. Um that's that's our job, you know, is you know, agree where you can, and then you know, it's like you know, I'm fluent in sarcasm, probably not my kind of woman. And just again, lead forward and move past it.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so I think you I think you just didn't you just describe me? I think that that that you just said that I was reactive.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, on the inside. On the inside.
SPEAKER_03:I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00:The question is though, do you think that that reactive element doesn't sink, doesn't come through a little bit when you're on a date? It does.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, just a little bit. No, not at all. Not at all. All right. Next one, number four. I'm an open book. Uh-huh. Translation. I have zero boundaries. Within 15 minutes of meeting you, you'll know about my yeast infection, my mother's trauma, and my ex-husband's credit score.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, interesting. Okay. Wow. Okay, so you see it that way. Yeah, I love how you've written these like really good narrative things.
SPEAKER_03:I just I'm telling you. Like whenever I'm looking, and this is like this is okay. For everybody listening, this is just a little insight into brain. Is this the definition that's going okay? Okay, but that's why we have you here too, is to like give the real definition around this.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so my translation of that when she says I'm an open book, is I think I'd heard the translation is I'm a good person, I don't have anything to hide. I think that's what she's really saying. However, my my reaction to that statement, because I do have a reaction to that one, is like bullshit. You have, you know, you're an open book. There is, I am, I am certain that there are plenty of things that you're actually not open about at all. It's I think you would like to see yourself as an open book, and I'm not entirely sure that's true. Yeah, I aspire to be an open book. That's now that that's that's me, Dallas being a little reactive, but I've I've rarely seen a woman say I'm an open book, and then really be an open book. Uh, there are some, but there are plenty that I've seen that are not.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, interesting. So that so you're saying that could go that could go either way. Like my definition of you're gonna get you know verbal throw up on you as soon as you show up, or it could be that she she would like to be that way, but she's not, and she's actually like has walls built up and probably or or she's or she thinks she's an open book, but the truth is she hasn't really dug that deep and a lot of a lot of stuff hasn't been revealed to her yet.
SPEAKER_00:But this is total projection. You know, this is a this is I hope every all the guy, all the men listening, all the dads listening know this is a fun episode. This is like a stocking stuffer episode that we're doing. It's not meant to be super deep and serious. This is meant to just air, you know, we we do this in the office hours. Sometimes we just have to get it out and air out some of the stuff. Uh I hope everybody keeps that in mind.
SPEAKER_03:And if those of those of you who are listening haven't figured out, a lot of this is therapy for Jude, right? Like just understand. Like, yeah, that's you know, Dales has already accepted that. You guys gotta accept that too. So, you know, if you want to log off right now, then fine, go ahead. Please don't. Number five, good vibes only.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, geez.
SPEAKER_03:All right, here's my definition of that. I'm in deep denial about reality. If you have a bad day, lose your job, or express any human emotion other than toxic positivity, I'll ghost you. There you go.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you said the magic word, toxic positivity. Yeah, good vibes only, like so. You don't want to, you know, you never you you never feel sad or other vibes, and then I'm not allowed to feel other ones. I I think what they mean by good vibes only, I think what they mean is I don't want drama. I don't want somebody pulling on me, I don't want somebody like weighing me down. I think that's what they mean when they say good vibes only. But I also think, like you said, it's it's a little bit of toxic positivity, it's it's an oversimplification of it, like just good vibes. It's like, yeah, that's not real life. It's it's a bit of a it's a bit of a hallmark line, you know, like it's a bit of a green card line that it is just like uh to me, it it's it's superficial. That's the word I'm searching for. To me, it just seems superficial to say something.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and and so one of the things that troubles me with all of these is they all feel superficial. They they they all in so in one one sense or another fear feel superficial. And and why I'm making fun of them so much is because you see them so often. And it's like, well, if you're on a dating app and you're looking in in my presupposition is that you want to have a relationship. It's not not everybody does on a dating app, so we need to be clear about that. But I think the majority of people, women especially, maybe men, that's less so the truth, want to have a relationship. So if you are looking for a relationship, but you've got these 20 things, it's so superficial. Like, go a little bit like not that much deeper. Again, it doesn't have to be the I'm an open book and like all like all of that on your profile, but go a little bit deeper than good vibes only. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, so for me, they're a little bit generic, and you know, and I think that's what you mean by go deeper means not be generic. But here's the thing we have to understand that dating apps are essentially just one pillar. I don't know, you let's not call it a pillar, it's it's one subsection of social media in general. True. And you're you know, the they're on your phone, social media is on your phone for you know, these are side by side. These are the sorts of phrases that are all over social media. And on social media, what are we doing? We're creating an avatar. We're saying, oh, I'm good vibes only, you know, I don't like drama. I've had enough with drama, you know. It's like, oh, I'm fluent sarcasm, like all the other memes out there, you know. Like they're we're constructing through generic labels of social media a sort of identity. And then when I go over to my dating app on my phone, I'm not suddenly going to like cast all that off and really write an authentic profile. I mean, it's pretty normal and expected to see that the person's going to behave kind of like they do in the rest of their socializing on their phone, which is generically will still be a little bit of something that's hopefully new, you know, and and and original and not you know, not just copy and paste. But but the truth is, most people we're we're outsourcing it to what's the parlance of our times? What are the words that everybody's using? And again, I I want to see it as like can that in and so cut them some slack, but okay, I I agree with that.
SPEAKER_03:But can that in and of itself tell you a little something about the person, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like it can it it can tell you about the behavior, but not about the person. So okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Fair.
SPEAKER_00:So what it so what it tells me is they're not putting a whole ton of effort into their dating profile because behaviorally that's kind of what they did. They just sort of copied and pasted some stuff that matches them more or less. They put it in there and then they're waiting for guys, then they're fielding messages. Um honestly, like as a woman, why would you bother to really dig deeper? Because how many guys that are swiping right most of the time and sending short, crappy, low quality messages, how many of the guys really care? You know, that you say something more valuable. So as a woman, I'm just, you know, why would you put in more effort? And we just have to understand it's a profile, you know, it's a brief snapshot. To be honest, a lot of us are looking at the photos, you know, like 80 80%. So, Dallas, are you saying that we actually have to read the profiles? No. No, you don't. What I what I'm I mean, I I would say glance the profile, skim the profile, get somebody to write you an AI bot, you know, to like summarize these profiles, you know, like but but the thing is, the the profile is not really a profile, you know, it's a brief billboard for the most part. You're looking for any huge red flags, you know. You're looking, does this woman fall in the ballpark that I'm looking for? But you but it's it's when you go on the first date, that's when you have the vibe check. That's because you don't remember the profile most of the time after you meet the per the woman because they're generic. And and the reason they're generic is because really dating apps are just an extension of the rest of social media. So we have to just not take it too personally and just you know, look for the look for the red flags that really don't work for you, but really hold it loosely. That's actually the term I really like to use a lot is hold it loosely. Don't don't get don't get a grip on this too tight.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's it's literally online window shopping, right? Like for a day is is is all it comes down to. Okay, that completes the the personality phrase section. All right. We are moving on to the activity phrases section. Number six, work hard, play hard. My translation. I'm a functioning alcoholic with a corporate job. I answer emails at midnight and do shots of tequila at 12.05. Break it down for me.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, you missed the you missed the you know, doing lines of cocaine in hotel bathrooms. Yeah, we're not talking the bathroom at your room, we're talking the bathroom at the lobby.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, yeah. So work hard, play hard. Uh for me, I I look at it as somebody who has FOMO on life, you know. Oh fear of missing out, and it's like always got to be doing something. I'm gonna tack on to this. Lines that I've heard is I'm looking for a guy that can keep up with me.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00:I feel that kind of goes hand in hand with like, well, maybe maybe not quite so much, but there's a little, there's a little bit of crossover where it's it's you know, work hard, play hard. For me, it it's a very driving masculine like force. And it's sort of like, okay, so you're already doing all this, you're you're you know, you're playing hard, you're working hard, you're doing all this, and it's like, I think you're already leading it. And I'm looking for somebody that's wants an invitation to do something fun. And I feel like I'm always going to be kind of like like um almost arm wrestling you for the reins, you know, or for the wheel of the car, and to you know, where are we going? For for me, the the personal turnoff for me is it feels kind of masculine, and that's not really what I'm looking for personally.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, me as well. But the the other thing I'll add to that is it it could be, and I've found that it's somebody that is really avoiding the the deep conversations or the deep experiences of life that come by sitting still or being in nature on just maybe something that's a a hike or a picnic or or something that's not intense. Yes, right?
SPEAKER_00:One of the one of those people that might fail the can you look at yourself for 10 seconds in the mirror without looking away tests. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Right, right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Could be, could be. And again, guys, we're being playful, we're projecting. There are plenty of healthy women that like to, you know, play hard and all that. I think also the undertone of that of you know, it's like work hard, play hard. That work hard also is like I'm looking for a man who probably makes more than I do on the income stream. You know, I have a certain lifestyle, I have a certain amount of travel that I do. Again, I'm just projecting onto this, but that that vibe kind of comes through for me a little bit.
SPEAKER_03:Exactly. Okay, all right. This is probably one of my most all-time annoying ones. Yeah, probably number one annoying one. Yeah, looking for my partner in crime.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Translation.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Wait, you gotta hear my translation. Of course, of course. I'm not looking to rob a bank, I'm looking for someone to do the most mundane basic activities with like going to Target and buying throw pillows. Okay. What does that signal about her lifestyle?
SPEAKER_00:What does that say? Partner kind of I for me, I actually like that line. Um, okay, I do for me. That's actually a bit of a turn-on when a woman says that because for me, that sounds like an invitation to play with her. That feels that feels like an invitation to let's take normal life and let's make it more adventurous and fun.
SPEAKER_03:Interesting. The other one that that goes with this is uh looking for my ride or die. Those these two just make me crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, the the ride or die, again, it's more driving, it's more intense, and it feels more masculine. And looking for my partner in crime feels like I want to be doing somebody something with someone side by side, and almost like I would love for you to come up with some devilish ideas of fun things to do spontaneously, and I can be your sidekick with you while you're doing them. That's what my partner in crime says to me.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Again, my my personal interpretation, and it's and but the thing I like about it is we're getting into trouble together. We're being creative and coming up with stuff to do, you know, out of the normal, you know, side of life. And I think it, I think it maybe also speaks to my partner in crime. It's also somebody who's waiting for somebody to show up that really is inviting them on an adventure. Okay. The other ones, ride or die. It's like I'm on, I'm already charging hard, and I want somebody else that's gonna charge and have my back no matter what. And uh, what was the the other one that we just did? The uh yeah, live hard, die. Oh no, not live hard, die hard. That's the Bruce Willis, holiday season movies. No, it's the work hard, play hard. Again, they seem hard charging, and it's like almost throwing down a challenge for me to keep up as a man. Looking for my partner in crime for me feels like an invitation into the two of us getting into some trouble together, like fun, you know, okay kind of trouble. Interesting. My personal interpretation of it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, that's that's that's really that's really interesting because it's opposite of what like yeah, opposite of of what I see.
SPEAKER_00:So like we said, these are generic terms, you know, that person might some people might see them as the same as ride or die, you know, my partner in crime. They could see them as the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold all of these very loosely, gentlemen. Do not get overly attached to them. Use any of them you want in your messages reaching out to her. But when you do, and here's here's the little tidbit, is don't use generic language in bringing it out. Take a generic term like, you know, ride or die, and turn it into a concrete illustration. It's like, does that mean and and because that's what that's what makes it not generic. All of these statements, we have no idea what the woman means. We're you and I are just shooting from the hip, you know, like coming up with different ideas because they haven't given us a concrete picture, an illustration of what they mean. If when they said ride or die, you know, they said, you know, you know, when we're coming back, you know, when we're coming back from Vegas and that tire, you know, we blow a tire on the side of the road, you know, and you know, and AAA won't gonna be there for eight hours, do we make the two-hour walk through the desert or do we do this? It's you know, I'm coming up with some lame sort of picture, but it's concrete. That's what that's what if these women wrote something like that, which again is not generic, it takes more effort, that would give us more information of what they mean by a ride or die, which would completely change our response to it, our reaction to it. So, gentlemen, when you hear these phrases, if you see one of them that is useful, one one of them that catches your your your mind, you know, your your eye, something that you want to respond to, or you're just wondering, how do I start a conversation? These generic phrases are there. Take one of these, turn it into what is for you a concrete illustration, make it playful, and throw that out in a message that will seriously increase the amount of responses that you get.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think that's a great point, is you can use these generic opportunity, uh these generic phrases as an opportunity to craft a unique message that they that they don't get. Now that that requires us actually reading the profile.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_03:But to your point pasting our normal, our our our our normal message to like a hundred women in order to get one response.
SPEAKER_00:But but you can have your write or die message, you can have your write or die message that you copy and paste all the weeks.
SPEAKER_03:What we got to do next, Dallas, for you and and and for the guys in in your group is like to put some stock messages together that that are these, and then they can just have them and copy and paste. Actually, we should just sell those like for a buck. Like let's let's let's let's do a fundraiser. We'll sell these for a buck for anybody that wants uh an opening message. So yeah, all right, yeah, that's a side business. We're gonna look for that in the future, guys. All right, next next one, number eight. Tacos and margs. The translation. I have no original thoughts. I'm basic. My personality is entirely defined by food trends from 2016. Does she mean all right? So this means she's easygoing, or does it just mean that she's boring?
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so I see it as guys. I'm not high maintenance.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Um, which means I think a boring. I mean, well, I think I I think what she's saying is, guys, you don't have to, I'm not, you don't have to wine and dine me, you don't have to impress me. You there it's a way of saying I'm down to earth. I think, you know, I think that that's what she's saying. You know, the creative message that comes to mind would be like, does that include does that include food trucks down on Colfax? Yeah, on Colfax, yeah, right. Yeah, and and for those listening that are not in the Denver area, Colfax is kind of like the street that it's CD. Yeah, there's you know, it's all kinds of action, lots of good Mexican food trucks to be found there. Um not selling margaritas, but but if you were to, but that's like taking it one step further and it's playfully calling her out on it. That would be a good way to respond to that. I'm like right out of the gate.
SPEAKER_03:Um and then you know if she's easygoing or not.
SPEAKER_00:If she's gonna meet you on Colfax for a food truck, she's pretty damn easy going.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, maybe too easygoing.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. And uh, you know, and another way you could take this, guys. I I just you know, I want to I because I feel like this is the useful part of it is how do you message off of this? You can be like, you know, like you know, you have you know, so which way do you like which way do you do your margaritas, you know, with or without jalapenos? You know, and you know, and you throw it and you throw in again by saying jalapeno and the margarita, it's throwing out something concrete. She probably doesn't get that very often, and you get an idea of her style, and you're saying something interesting that is it's like she's almost in the moment of having it with you, and it'd be very easy to invite her out for that later, right? And but it but it's but it's something concrete that she can literally she will reflect on her taste buds before she answers it, and that's exactly what you want her doing. You don't want her up in her head reflecting like, oh, you know, tacos and margs or whatever. You know, you want her like going into her body and feeling and going like, now I tried the jalapenos once, not for me, or jalapenos all day long, you know, but no more than three or something. I these are these are the sorts of things where you step into a real, you're you're taking her out of her head, out of her generic language, and putting it into an experience right there in the first message.
SPEAKER_03:Well, and if it comes back with something equally as generic as the first one, there you go. It's boring, it's not easygoing, right?
SPEAKER_00:Right. It is, however, you have to keep in mind this woman is still on her phone. She's on a mobile device, mixed in with a bunch of other social media, and a lot of guys probably messenger on the dating app. You can't take a lack of attention and and thought put into messages on a dating app as necessarily a red flag. The fact that she messaged you back, honestly, is an invitation for you to continue to message her and her invite her out. What I found in my experience on dating apps is I send when I send a message to women fall into two categories, they responded or they didn't. The ones that didn't, unless I'm really into them, I'm not going to message again. Which is like I'd say like 98%. I'm just like, whatever. There are occasional women that I am going to send another message on because I really want to get a response. And that has worked half the time. The second, the group of women that do respond to me, they're basically like, hey, buddy, the door is open here. And if they want to be playful through through chatting, I will be playful with them through chatting. If they're kind of not that all that responsive, but and they're just being polite or one-word answers, I just take that as uh an invitation to invite them to real life because they just might not want to spend the time on the phone. And if I invite them out and they don't respond, whatever, they're back in the bucket of women that didn't respond. Or they'll just say, yeah, sure. Either way, it none of this matters until I meet them in person. None of it matters. All of this profile stuff, all of this interpretation goes out the window until we meet. Unless, of course, you have been taking notes and listened to everything that Jude says, and you've compiled an FBI profile on the woman's psyche, and you're there going and understanding that she is, you know, she is definitely a nutcase, you know.
SPEAKER_03:So I shouldn't be doing that, and then running it through AI and trying to get a complete analysis of her of her psychological profile before responding.
SPEAKER_00:None unless we find it, not unless we find a way that the men want to buy it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. All right. Number nine. This is probably equally up there with my annoying ones of ride or die or partner in crime. I love to travel or wander or wanderlust. Okay, my translation. This is a little extreme. It's an extremic translation. It's not, it's first, my first translation is duh. Like who doesn't like to travel, right? Okay, we all like to travel. Okay, but some of the extreme ones are I expect you to pay for my vacation to Italy. I have a passport, but only$400 in my savings account.
SPEAKER_02:Good luck. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Um, I I have to say there is that that does kind of like, you know, that does kind of signal a little bit I'm a bit of a money thing. I'm looking for a guy that not only can pay to to travel around, but is also, you know, has extra money, or I would really enjoy it if a guy showed up and took me to Italy. I I think there is, there's a, there's a, there's a decent chance that that is an undertone in that. I I agree with you. Big duh. Who does not like to travel, who does not like to go to beautiful places. Yeah. And I'm gonna bounce this back over to social media. So much of social media is sharing and showing people the beautiful trips and vacations that we go on. I love to travel is just a generic copy and paste from the rest of social media world into the dating profile. It's a natural extension. And again, what you can do as a as a man is you can lever off that. It's like, so are we talking, you know, are we talking Iceland or just south of the border here? Again, you mean south of the border like Pueblo? South of the border, yeah, south of the border Pueblo, yeah. Um you know, I I think it's you know, or yeah, walking across the bridge, you know, or what, yeah, whatever. Um, I think, but again, what you can do is take a generic statement like that, turn it into something concrete and playful. You're making it easy to for her to respond by giving her two options, is it A or B? Very, very easy for a woman to respond. And what you want is for that woman to respond.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Sorry, I keep taking it back to a practical level here, but it's uh No, well, that's what you're here for, because I'm not.
SPEAKER_03:But I do I but I but I do want to make one serious observation about the the travel, just the the travel mindset. It is oftentimes I have found somebody who is who is participating in escapism and and and not in and not the the mundane things of life which are necessary to get through, not only get through life, but have a really meaningful relationship long term. And it's always planning the next trip, where are we going, what's the weekend vacation, are we skiing, like all that. And I see that quite a bit now in in in the world in general, but with with women in in particular. And it's we're not gonna dive into background behind it, but I think that this lends into potentially that too. Again, look, we're just we're we're we're just putting it out there, but it's something maybe if there's more in the profile or when you're having conversations to be aware of is is the escapism part of it, like we talked about before.
SPEAKER_00:Very true, very true. I think I think there is definitely a good portion of women and people that they live for that. Travel is also uh very much associated with status. So a lot of women want to travel to show that they have a certain status. This comes back to what you're showing on social media, the stories you're able to tell your friends, your coworkers, your family, you know, where are you going next? You know, I you know, when people ask me, it's like, well, where are you off to, you know, you know, do you have any, you know, trips planned, you know, out of the country and stuff? It always feels like it's sort of this social thing. And I found that there is a definite women that say that up front and that are always planning a seven to ten day vacation, which in my mind is incredibly expensive. The amount of time you get for the amount of money that you're spending is incredibly expensive. And oh I have, yeah, I've lived five years of my life outside the United States. I lived three years in France and I lived two years in Taiwan. And for me, that's travel because I'm living for an extended amount of time. I'm getting much better bang for my buck when I'm abroad. And what I found is that I have a completely different sense of world travel and foreign cultures than people who quote unquote love to travel because they've never stayed in a country for more than two weeks most of the time. And they have a different sense of the money, they have a different sense of the culture. They usually aren't picking up much of the language. And for me, I've actually found that the people that quote unquote love to travel, um, I a lot of times don't really connect with them because I have a very different relationship with being abroad than they do.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, well, it's escapism. You're not into escapism. Yeah, that's what it that's what it is. Okay. All right. Now we're we're hitting the expectation phrases. Oh. These are the ones, you know, these are the ones about what they want from us.
SPEAKER_00:We're digging deep into the stocking now. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, we're we're digging now and maybe maybe hitting some call, right? First one is just ask. Oh, yeah, exactly. That's my reaction to you. It means I'm lazy. I want you to do 100% of the work in this conversation. I expect to be entertained while I contribute absolutely nothing.
SPEAKER_00:I gotta say, I I completely agree with you on this one. That is that is the epitome of laziness was just asked. She's turned herself into a complete and total blank canvas.
SPEAKER_03:Yep.
SPEAKER_00:Gentlemen, on your profile, you do not want to be a blank canvas and You do not want to be generic. You need to provide illustrations, concrete illustrations. You can say, you know, I'm looking for my ride or die, and this is this is what it looks like for me. You know, give concrete illustrations that are engaging and fun. Somebody that says just ask, whatever you want to know, just it's like, you know, and and I have found that when I just ask, they're the ones that provide the shortest possible answers.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Which, which again, to your point, is showing very little effort, a lot of laziness on their end. And again, to echo what I said, I just skip right to do you want to grab a drink on Friday? And I'll meet you in person. And I again, I have been so surprised so many times that when I meet a woman in person, she's nothing like her profile. She's nothing like the way that she messaged on the dating apps. I guys, you have to be open-minded. Don't don't get your panties in a wad about how she messages or what's on the profile. You don't know until you meet her in person.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So we're in agreement on this one. I'll actually even take it a step further, which is just asks means that I've got so much baggage that I plan on never sharing with you. And if yeah, if it's it's basically lying through omission because I'm never going to tell you about my past. And if you do ask, I'm going to skirt the question. So this is a huge, this was a huge reg flag for me with just ask.
SPEAKER_00:Dude, I think this is the episode that comes out right before Christmas, right? Okay. So there's lots of holiday cheer clearly coming through in this. What I wanted, what I'm going to make a request here. It'll be your it'll be your holiday gift to me, is that the episode after this, we can make it a New Year's resolution episode that has to do something with Jude, you know, taking a positive spin on dating profiles and imagining where women are coming from.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. We can we can we can work on that exercise. Maybe it'll be a real-time exercise with Dallas and Jude doing a coaching session for Jude. And and I apologize to all the dating apps out there. You know, after listening to this episode, most of you are good, most of them are gonna get deleted by the guys listening. Uh, or they're at least not gonna go and and download those for the holiday season. So we are not sponsored by Match or Hinge or okay, keep it today because they probably hate us after this episode.
SPEAKER_00:And just to be clear, there's absolutely nothing wrong with venting this stuff out. Jude and I, you know, me and you, we are venting, we're letting this out. It it's there there is a healthy side to venting and laughing about it. The question is, are you laughing and relieving yourself, or are you laughing and getting embittered about it? If you're relieving it, really releasing it, that's great. But I have plenty of clients that carry inside of them a certain bitterness. And they're like, well, but I don't I don't say this on the date. I am like, yeah, but I can feel it, and I'm a whole lot less sensitive than a woman is all over your face. So when you're laughing about this stuff, be sure it's in a spirit of spirit of releasing it and relieving it. Do not let it bottle up inside. That shit is toxic.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, yes, for sure. As always, we say you got to do your work first so that you can show up in the right way. So okay, we we did a whole we did a whole episode on this one, but must love dogs. All right, June.
SPEAKER_02:Dog sleeps in the bed, you sleep on the floor. If the dog growls at you, you're out of here, buddy.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right, right, right. Yeah, I'm gonna add to that. You will always walk away with with dog hair on your clothing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay. Was it yeah, must love dogs? Is that what they said? Or must love dogs, yeah. Must love dogs, yeah. Okay, so um so I'm I'm gonna I'm actually gonna call respect on this one. The because the woman is saying, hey, look, I have a dog, I love my dog. If you have a problem with that and you think I'm going to change, take a hike, buddy. I and I'm I'm just gonna say respect to that one. Yeah, you can see the earlier episode we talked about.
SPEAKER_03:Who doesn't like so? There's might be people that don't prefer dogs or don't have a dog, but like who doesn't like like okay, dogs, like dogs are either neutral or you love them, right? It's not like cats, like cats. I can understand that cats should be a disclaimer for most women, right? Like have lots of cats or love cats, must love cats. That that could be a red, that could be a red flag, right? Like, but dogs, come on, like dogs are they're so stupid and goofy, and like you're either neutral or you love them. Like, that's a duh thing for me.
SPEAKER_00:It it is. I would also say, at least here in Colorado, it's an identity thing. You know, people, you know, so for a lot of people, the dogs are their kids, you know, they're a fur, you know, they're their fur babies. They it goes beyond just having a dog. It's it's I bring my dog with me when you know I love to go to places where I can take the dog to the patio. You know, I always want to bring my dog with me in the car. So there's always going to be three of us whenever we go somewhere. When I say I want to go on a hike, of course my dog's coming with us. There's you know, and it it you're not alone when that dog is there, you know, like you can't you can't slip out into the woods and mess around behind a tree when there's a dog right there yanking on the leash. It's yeah, it's not the same thing. It's it's really not. I mean, and and what and I so I think I think there's a certain identity that you can expect when you know it's saying must-love dogs. They're saying, you know, I have a I have a dog, a modern dog owner lifestyle, which is dogs are part of my activities, they're part of what I do. I I choose activities in which I can include my dog with what I'm doing. And also expect me to have to go home early to you know to take care of my dog. Don't expect these hates to go too late.
SPEAKER_03:And I'm gonna take it one step further, as always, which is oftentimes they substitute a real relationship with a relationship with their dogs. And so there is something to be, especially here in Colorado, is she might already beware.
SPEAKER_00:She might already be in a she might already be in a significant relationship, in a committed relationship with her dog.
SPEAKER_03:So you're you know, you're gonna be a part-time, which leads me to the next one, which is my kids are my world. Okay, right? Your kids are or my kids are a priority, okay. This translates to you will never be a priority. You will be dating on alternating Tuesdays between seven, six and seven: thirty, provided the babysitter doesn't cancel. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Oh wow. How should we read this one?
SPEAKER_00:Kids in my world, it's I I am a mom, and you better believe it, and don't expect me to act like I'm a like I'm a woman that doesn't have kids. That's how I read that. That that that for me is a wake-up call to to the guys out there that don't have kids, because there are plenty of guys out there that are like, why aren't you texting me back more you know more quickly? Why aren't you showing up? Why don't you why aren't you more available? It's like, buddy, I've got kids and they come first. There are plenty of guys out there that don't have kids that don't get that. This is this is a public service message that the woman is putting out there to the guys that don't get it. If you get it, just safely, you know, just safely like pass right or step right over that one. Or you could say your kids are you know come fruition like absolutely. What percentage of the time do you have them? That is a totally logistical question.
SPEAKER_03:Like and in the way, so guys, if you're listening to this is your first episode, we did do a whole episode on this and talking about this and dating actually it was last week, and and and how to to make invitations. The only thing I'll say is oftentimes this means I have no clue how I'm gonna be dating with kids. Like they have not figured that out. So you don't want to and look, we don't want as dads, we have limited time too. And it's divorced dads, right? So you want to clarify that shit pretty pretty up front and and try and try to get to the base of it before you know you monkey around with too many wasted time, wasted like you waste you waste a lot of time if you are plan if you're doing it right, right? If you're planning a date, getting it set, executing it, carving out that time, and then it gets canceled a half hour before uh or the morning. That could have been all that time could have been used to to better things. So you do you do want to kind of weed that out early. And that's a big thing. And we talked about this with single moms is the kids and how they're structuring their lives. And so go back. We actually had two episodes. We did the one last week and then one earlier, you know, about I don't know, seven or eight weeks ago, also about how to to mitigate that. But let's just leave it at that. Yeah. All right, that concludes the expectation phrases. I have a lot more, but we're man, I thought we were gonna be this we are we're we're yeah, we're as usual. These are the subtle ones, okay? So A number one, not looking for a hookup. Translation. I might hook up with you, but I don't want to feel like a cheap, like a cheap hooker hooking up with you. Also, please don't send me a picture of your junk, which should just be a given.
SPEAKER_00:But is this a filter or or what are we dealing with here? Oh, I dude, I love your holiday chair. This is so great. I love this topic. Okay, not looking for a hookup. Yeah, I I think I think she's probably saying, I've made my mistakes in the past, and unless you're really cute them, don't plan to make the mistake again. Uh, I would say that's out there. I would say kind of like the mom thing, it's a public service announcement going like a. Yeah. I'm not just looking for, you know, I'm I'm you know, if you're looking for something casual, you know, like if that's all you're looking for, move along. But guys that are looking for something casual don't care about that message. It's a dumb thing for a woman to put on a profile because it's not filtering out any guys. It's just not. Zero. Um, yeah, yeah, the guys are gonna move forward anyway. Yeah, I think I'm not looking for something casual. It's like I it's such an empty statement.
SPEAKER_03:It's just stupid. I think it's just a stupid phrase. It should never be put anywhere because it accomplishes zero. Yeah, like you said, you guys are not gonna like I see that and I'm like, okay, whatever. Like I don't yeah, I don't disregard it. It gets completely disregarded, and it like serves no function. All the rest of them can serve like at least an ounce of function. This one serves absolutely zero function.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know, and let's say if we're I mean, I I don't I wouldn't even play off this line, but if I but if I was trying to, I would say something like, you know, I've looked for the least, the least serious coffee shop in all of Denver, and this is what I came up with. You know, or you know, um, or is I no, no, I've looked for the least casual coffee shop in all of Denver, and this is the one I came up with, you know, to play off of it because I know you're looking for something, I know you're not looking for something casual. This is the least casual coffee shop I could find there. Something along those lines.
SPEAKER_03:Exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm curious. Yeah, I've I've set that I've you know, I punched into AI what is what is appropriate attire for a not casual coffee, and this is what it gave me. And and again, here we're coming, we're coming up with concrete items that you can put in. The guys always need material for these conversations, so stuff like that. You can you can just it's playful, it's playing off of what she says. Yeah, but it's a common thing to put in a profile, she's this next one.
SPEAKER_03:Swipe left if you are under six foot.
SPEAKER_00:Gosh, did I really say that?
SPEAKER_03:I haven't seen it well, so like yeah, not so swipe left, swipe left if on your under like you can insert under six foot, you're not actually your height, like it's the whole height thing, right? And so for me, it means I'm shallow and will likely ask how much money you make within the first five minutes or what your job is, and I have a tape measure in my purse for whatever part she wants to measure, your entire body or anything else, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, fingers, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. So yeah, swipe left. Basically, I I I think a woman that is saying that that way, she is saying, Yeah, I'm kind of superficial, as in because like it'll be a woman that's five four that says that. And it's like, really? Like, you know, you know, and and you know, when I talk with women behind the scenes, and they will, you know, you put you you have a drink or two with them, they will start telling you the truth. And you start seeing that no, a lot of these stereotypes are actually rather true. The women actually do very much, you know, they want a man that makes this kind of money and stuff, they're just not willing to admit it out loud. They're definitely not willing to put in the profile. I'm not saying it's courageous that a woman puts this in a profile, but I would say take it at face value. She's putting a filter out there, and you know, yeah, and there's probably not the only filter.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, that she's it's not the only filter. And considering that only 4% of the population is over six foot, it's a very narrow, like it's a very, very narrow filter to to have. And you know that narrow filter for height is gonna be a filter of X dollar amount for for your income and you know, in in a basic cat basic three categories of car you drive and and everything else. So I I I think the swipe left if you are dot dot dot. I use the six-foot one is is is kind of a red flag.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I'm curious to what you think when somebody brings in something political, like swipe left if you voted for Trump, or swipe left if you believe in global warming or whatever. Like, you know, they'll they'll put stuff like that in there. What do you think about those those steps?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think I think I think they're telling you exactly what they think and who they are. I think that's pretty defined and clear. And I actually I appreciate that. Like they're they're narrowing, they are narrowing their and I appreciate that in the sense of they're so narrow-minded, I know that I don't want to talk to them. Not that necessarily like I I care what their their their beliefs are one way or another. I I actually enjoy having conversations like that with somebody who can actually show up in a in an appropriate way and have conversations like that and not like we're experiencing in our world now, not have any discourse. Discourse is what's gotten us to uh to the point we're at in Western civilization in and all the things that that we enjoy, not having discourse is what what brings us back from that or makes us take steps back from that. So so I do appreciate when they say that because it tells me their narrow-mindedness. So I'm like, yeah, well, this is yeah, not not not somebody.
SPEAKER_00:Right. Yeah, and that's an orientation within within yourself and compatibility or not. But when she says swipe left if you're six, if you're not six feet, swipe left if yeah, that's her being rather rather picky and choosy, you know, about the population. And that that does feel a little self-absorbed, a little self-serving. And those for me are traits of toxic feminist, femininity. Yeah, is a woman that is self-absorbed, a woman that is taking care of her own self before others and just kind of leaving everybody else in the cold, you know, trying to live out to what she wants.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, I'd agree. Yeah, so yeah, interesting. That was not one that would have been on my list for us to agree 100% on, but but we are there. Okay. So the next one, we've got three more to to knock out here. This is I'm shy at first. I say this one all the time. Yeah, yeah. Or introvert, right? I'm a I'm an introvert or I'm shy at first. Means I'm gonna sit there in silence and make you carry the entire conversation until I decide you aren't a serial killer.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Basically.
SPEAKER_00:So I think I think they're saying, don't expect me, don't it, don't expect me to be the life of the party when I show up. I think what they're trying to do is they're trying to set kind of lower expectations. Don't expect me to don't expect me to get sexual with you right away. Don't expect me to open up. Don't ex- they're like, sorry. I think they're trying to set the expectations. Wow, hang on.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So this for me is somebody that is an anxious avoidant that watches too much true crime, right? They're they're they're they're worried that that they're they're not gonna share, like they're not gonna share their phone number, their last name, their middle name, what area of town they live in until they've like vetted you, and maybe they have a family member that works for the CIA or FBI. And then only then will you be able to start like maybe getting inroads into like throw vulnerable vulnerability isn't a year or two down the line on this one. Yeah, you're gonna have to like get through the whole vetting process first.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I I know, I know you're I know you're being sarcastic into hyperbole for the sake of playfulness. This is a demonstration of it, guys, how to be sarcastic in a fun way that's not you know not bad. Yeah, I little bits of of truth in there. I I really think probably she's not all that confident. Uh, there's probably a certain lack of confidence uh that's going on. But I can tell you there's plenty of plenty of women that I've met that there's plenty of chemistry and they actually open up quite fast and they talk lots and everything that I've met. I I actually kind of like this when I see it because I do, but that that's a person that's a personal thing. Is I've I've I'm told very regularly from women that oh, it's so easy to talk with you, Dallas. Like it's so easy to open up. And a person that's a woman that's shy, realize that a lot of guys on dates, the number one complaint from women is guys that talk and don't listen. They're just talking at them, they're going, they're going. And for a person that's shy, they're never really going to assert themselves. But silently, inside of themselves, they want to be heard, they want a connection, they want to be invited. And when you're a guy that shows up and you're a good listener, and suddenly they feel very comfortable and they kind of, you know, the the blossom, the, you know, they blossom, you know, the little rosebud, you know, opens up and they feel wonderful, and they haven't been able to do that with a lot of other guys, you can be in for some really nice surprises.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and and and just to the other the the other thing I'll say is when you show up and to dispel like what I was saying, you can tell pretty quickly if it's somebody who's who's shy or somebody who is like anxious, avoidant, or or or maybe jaded even and is worried about their their safety, even though you're at a coffee shop with a hundred people there in the middle of downtown Denver, right? Like so you can figure that out pretty quickly and then you know, and then and then adjust accordingly, like you said, have a conversation that brings them brings them in and makes them feel comfortable and secure and and be able to do that. So so yeah, you're you're able to to to know that right away. Okay, these these last two are just classic, great ones. The first is looking for my person, right? I'm just looking for my person. I've watched too much Grey's Anatomy and I have unrealistic. Realistic expectations that you'll complete my soul and fix my life, right? Give me a happy ending on this one, Dallas.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I'm sorry, there's one word that comes to mind when I hear looking for my person, and the word is woke. I'm I'm like, why can't you say man or woman? Why can't you say husband or wife? Why can't you say boyfriend or girlfriend? Why does it have to be human? And yes, I am venting a little bit right here. Why does it have to be my person, my human, my partner? It's like, why do we have to why do we have to remove the male and female components of the identities? That for me, that for me is actually a huge turnoff when I hear it. I'm looking for my person, and I'm like, well, that's too bad because I'm looking for a woman and I'm looking for her to look for a man, you know, and I'm not, it's like, yes, I'm a person, but in this context, we are on a dating app. And if you're just looking for a person, that for me is way too generic. And I'm not no, really, I I have found that it, and you know, and if that language per it usually does patterns, you know, are there and they persist. And when I speak with a woman in person or on the phone or whatever, and we're talking more, and I find that they tend to say person or human more, you know, rather than man or woman. I'm like, okay, we're looking for stuff, we're looking for a different kind of dynamic here. And and it and for me, the again, it's the word woke that that for me personally is a turnoff because I want the I'm you know, like, oh wow, that doesn't work.
SPEAKER_03:Oh man, it only took me one hour to finally get you. Oh, you finally covered a nerve. Yeah. Well, mission accomplished. I feel like I feel like we should end it there, except this last one is just the like tip of the iceberg one. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Oh. That sounds like that sounds like catch line from the 80s. That translate is my worst involves keying your car and screaming at the top of my lungs at you in the Applebee's. My best is honestly not that great either, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Wow, I've never so I've never heard that one, but uh, yeah, it sounds like uh it sounds like it sounds like you know, on the crazy hot matrix, she's pretty high on the crazy access, but I'm not sure about the hotness, you know. It could be, but but definitely the crazy is gonna outweigh the hotness, I think.
SPEAKER_03:Right. I think Marilyn Monroe ruined a generation. That wasn't that like some one of her phrases.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, was that? Okay, so that would be okay, so we okay. So now that you give me context, that's different. I mean, Marilyn Monroe was a woman that put effort into looking awesome. That's kind of a last story.
SPEAKER_03:She was an iconic, I would describe her as an iconic, yeah, feminine symbol of of an entire generation. That's how amazing I find Marilyn Monroe to have been. And but but femme, like true femininity of her time. So I mean, maybe if we take it from that, it says something something else.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. And we've had so many episodes of Oprah since then telling us that we are beautiful no matter what we do, and you are, and and all this, and it's like that's not what she meant in that statement. Right. She meant at my best, meaning I am presenting myself in a beautiful way through effort, not just self-acceptance. Of course, there's a place for self-acceptance, but self-acceptance shouldn't be, and I'm just gonna say this because you got me going, shouldn't be self-delusion.
SPEAKER_01:It shouldn't it shouldn't be yoga, yoga pants and a hoodie at the chilies buffet, right?
SPEAKER_03:Unless you look off the hook good in yoga pants and hook to show up like that, and for me to be like, no thank you.
SPEAKER_00:I've only I've only had one date like that, and I was like, okay, yeah, you can strut those yoga pants. Like, I was like, you're worth like it was a it was a wine-tasting something, you know, and it was fairly casual, you know, and she showed up the yoga pants, but I gotta say, like, first of all, it was like she wore it well, and she and you know, and she it wasn't just casual, she was styling a certain way, and I was like, okay, yeah, that works.
SPEAKER_03:So basically we're saying if you look like Marilyn Monroe and this is in your profile, you're golden. Otherwise, we're gonna be we're gonna have to at least unlike peel away the onion a little bit more. And that that onion's gonna start with, do you show up in a hoodie or do you show up looking maybe not like Marilyn Monroe, but but looking good.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so I'm gonna, yes, we're gonna let Jude wrap it up that way, and I'm gonna wrap it up. I'm gonna try to redeem myself here because I've I've gotten to the point of like, you know, yeah, a lot of things. Shoot you down this entire episode. You did, yeah. Maybe it's the holiday season, the egg cog.
SPEAKER_03:Well, maybe we're just maybe we're revealing a little of that like deep down. Maybe we need to do a little coaching with Dallas to like bring up some of this stuff that that might be in the recesses there. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00:I didn't put on my profile, I'm an open book. I never put that on my profile. Okay, so here's the part that I would say about this. A woman that says that, like, if you something it what she said was something to you, can you read it for us again one more time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, gotcha. If you can't handle me at my worst, okay, gentlemen, that is the feminine storm. That is her being crazy, that is her not being logical. We've had other episodes about this. She is in that statement saying, I'm going to be emotional. I'm going to be kind of crazy. I'm going to let my stuff out. If you can't handle that, please walk away. Guys, as a man in a masculine energy and a masculine frame, you want to be able to invite that woman and step right up and go toe-to-toe with it and say, go ahead and let it out. Because I want to be the rock that that lets you let that out because I want the best that comes behind it. I want the best that's on the other side of it. That statement has some truth to it. It really, really does. And it is throwing down a challenge. Gentlemen, you want to develop enough rooted, grounded masculine energy inside of yourself that you can step right up to it and say, absolutely, I'm a man that can handle that. Let's see it.
SPEAKER_03:Amen. Redeemed, Dallas. Redeemed. Well said. All right. All right, guys. Well, hopefully you enjoyed this. This was just a fun stocking stuffer as as as as Dallas mentioned. And I I wanna if you if you found some value, if you found some humor, I don't know if there's value in it, but found some humor. Dallas added added value for sure. Uh, if you found some value that um what Dallas said, and some humor in what I said, let's put it that way. Please give us a star rating. Share uh far and wide on uh social media, even better, give us a comment. Hey, share the the one that makes you the most crazy in in the comments. We'd love uh we'd love to to to hear that. And and Dallas, how do guys that that that want to that that want to help want help in translating these online profiles get a hold of you?
SPEAKER_00:First of all, get on the mailing list. You can come to one of our live QA sessions that we're holding every month where you can talk to both of us live on a Zoom call from anywhere in the world. Uh, that would be the best place. Also check out blackboxdating.com. The men's coaching program is on there as well as all my social media channels. I would love for you guys to be part of the uh part of the community that I have there.
SPEAKER_03:Jude, same thing. You can get these events, yeah. You can get these events right on uh right into your calendar directly at thedivorcedadvocate.com under our events page. So there's a way, once you go to that event, you'll find the the divorced dads QA. You'll be able to click on a link and then add it right to your calendar. Since it's an ongoing thing, it'll just show up on your calendar every single every single month. So jump on those. They're great, great calls. Lots of we have lots of fun like this, talk about stuff like this, but we also talk about serious stuff. But it's your free opportunity to tap into all of Dallas's wisdom, pearls of of wisdom, and then go to his website and sign up for the for the rest of the stuff.
SPEAKER_00:You know, and if you're looking to burn a bridge with a woman, Jude is happy to give you all the messages you need to make sure that woman will never talk to you again.
SPEAKER_03:I can do that. Amen for sure. All right, Dallas, everybody listening, have uh have a merry and blessed Christmas. Yeah. Talk to you guys soon and uh have a great week.
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