Dads Dating After Divorce
Dating after divorce isn’t what it used to be—especially when you’re a dad. The rules have changed, the world has changed, and now you’ve got kids in the mix. Join Dallas and Jude as they share real-world strategies and insights from their work with dads and men at BlackBoxDating.com and TheDivorcedDadvocate.com.
Dads Dating After Divorce
30 - Stop Flashing Your Cash: Why High-End Dinners Are False Advertising
Tired of hearing you need $200 dinners to be taken seriously? We flip that script. Jude and Dallas lay out a practical, confident way to date after divorce that prioritizes financial responsibility, creativity, and genuine connection over the social media flex. If you’ve felt the pressure to overspend or “audition” for approval, this conversation gives you a better playbook.
We start with a reality check on the click-driven myth that women only want luxury dates, and show how high-quality partners respond to presence, leadership, and smart planning. Then we dig into vibe-first formats—short coffee meets, no-alcohol daytime conversations, easy exits—that protect your time and money while revealing compatibility. Expect a stack of low-cost ideas with high impact: walks with a favorite drink, pinball bars, trivia nights, open houses with playful improv, antique hunts, park picnics, and yes, the surprisingly romantic car-wash-and-vacuum move that feels caring without flashing cash.
You’ll also learn how to design progressive dates that layer experiences—coffee to gallery to sunset ice cream—so she relaxes into your lead without feeling choreographed. We talk athletic dates with intention, when to avoid identity “home court,” and why acts of service and nostalgia create deeper chemistry than pricey menus. Most important, we unpack money alignment using three simple priorities—security, freedom, lifestyle—so you can spot mismatches early and stop overspending to impress. When you lead with your world, use AI to spark unique local ideas, and lean on a solid community, you attract someone who values you, not your receipt.
Hello and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast in all of the wide world that helps dads to navigate this crazy, interesting, fun. What other adjectives? Challenging. World of dating. Expensive. World of dating after divorce. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the founder of the Divorce Dava Kit. And my co-host is Dallas Bluth, the founder of Black Box Dating. Welcome, Dallas. How you doing? Doing awesome, Jude. Thanks for having me back one more time. Yeah, man. Fully into the new year now. Getting close here to uh quitting day, right? I guess some some people, I guess that that that is a thing, right? If you did some did some New Year's resolutions, we had our our our little 10 fun 10 ones last last week. But yeah, so I don't know. I don't do the resolution thing, so I don't know what any of that's about.
SPEAKER_01:I do resolutions on a continual basis. It's sort of for me, New Year's resolutions is a little bit like trying to be romantic on Valentine's Day. Like if you need a holiday to remind you to be romantic as a man, like you need well, you need to be listening to this podcast. If you know any friends like that, send them the podcast. Same thing with same thing with resolutions. If you're gonna wait for a New Year's ball drop and a bunch of champagne for you to say, I should do something better in my life, guys, guys, we need to be making commitments much more frequently throughout the year.
SPEAKER_00:Well, we know that's none of the guys that are listening today because the the you know our listenership is is quality and and and they're on the ball and and they're getting things getting things done. And so so on on that note, we're gonna be talking about really an it's just uh it's it's a sometimes it's stressful, it's a little bit of a contentious, sometimes a self-conscious uh topic that divorced dads go through because here's the here's the the long and short of it is divorce is expensive, right? Dallas. We can we can all agree on on that. I've never talked to a guy who was like, oh, really? You know, I only spent that that was no big deal, right? It's expensive. And then post-divorce looks a whole lot different because it's just a simple math equation. One household into twos, there's more like into two, there's more so it's very, it's very, very different, and it's usually more of a strain on your expenses. And when you start to date, then there's this whole mindset and concept that you need to be spending money on$200 dinners and you know, having you know, flash into cash, I think you said when when we were done, we were talking about it earlier. And what I what I would like us to do is just talk around that whole topic today. But it but I like uh my goal is really to really get to the place where we can describe to the dads that you know dating with high standards, still with the high standards that we have that we've talked about all in the past that we talk about all the time, but doing it on a uh budget and spending less can actually get you a better woman. So just initial thoughts around on around that.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, it's out there.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, agreed.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, it's definitely at least we can start with agreement, and we're not gonna start with an argument. Okay, right. What I want to start out with actually is not the women telling men that they need to have and spend a lot of money. It's social media telling men that you need to have a ridiculous amount of wealth, and if you don't, women are not gonna be interested. That's the first thing we need to start with because it is creating a lot of prejudice inside the minds of men that if we don't have a bunch of well, it's setting up in our minds an expectation that women expect us to have a bunch of money and expect us to spend a lot of money. To your point, a high-quality woman, for the most part, is not expecting us to spend a lot of money, especially if they understand how money works. But we're getting we're getting ahead of things.
SPEAKER_00:So well, I have a I well, I have a quick question on it now that you brought it up. I'm curious, do you feel like that that idea is driven, I guess, the through three places? Society in general, but as a subset of society more by men with other men, or by women? Uh and and then and diverging a little bit, but I'm just curious because it might help me to guide this conversation a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so social media, it's driven by clicks, it's driven by views, it's it's driven by attention, it's driven by traffic on the website. That's what drives it. And you know, flashy cars, you know, expensive lifestyles, vacations, that's what drives the clicks on social media. And we all see that, and we think we have to have this unrealistic level of wealth as a man, the same way that women think that they have to have this unrealistic body shape on themselves in order in order to compete. It's the same thing. It's it's clicks that is that is driving it in that way. Now, when it comes to um when it comes to women driving it versus men driving it, I'm gonna throw out there the same thing. The cosmetic industry for women is driven by women, not men. Women are competing with other women, and there's a massive industry behind it. Men, we have this idea because this is how this is how we, you know, this is how we have our pissing contest. This is one of the ways we measure our competency and our success and and the pecking order with other men, one of the measures is my financial success. I think that this is something that men do with other men, and then we think, because this is the criteria we're using, that women are using it also. Money is very important to women, but not in the same way that it is to men.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and and I think that we can uh and and we'll probably get into this all a little bit, we can describe money as if we reframe that as being more financially responsible, right? And and this kind of leads us me into our start. It's there's a difference between being cheap and being financially responsible. If you're flashing cash, you're you're actually you're you're marketing something that's false. You're not, you know, you you you don't have the go and you hear about all the people that are keeping up with the Joneses and their mortgage to the hilt, and they but they have the huge house and the nice cars and the country and all that stuff, but they literally have no money. That that that just that's to me it in some regards is is false advertising. But also if you're looking for a partner for long term, that's not gonna that's not gonna play. You're not gonna be able to keep up that that facade for long once you get into a relationship and then you start talking about finances or getting married or buying houses. So let's talk about let's just talk about first about being true to who you are and being open, because you made a comment that I thought was that was was telling is is the the the other women are the ones that are competing, and then we've got all this social media buzz. So it's it's like all this stuff that's pushed onto us. I think yes, we guys we guys compete in in in in having goals and and trying to achieve money is is only one of those uh results of yeah, yeah, indicators. Great, that's the word I was looking for. One of those indicators of being a successful, successful guy. So if we can keep that noise out and then stay true to ourselves, that is that is more that's gonna be more more sexy to a woman, more attractive to uh to a woman than if you're flashing a cash and then you know, six months later she finds out you're you know you're full of shit. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:So let me let me jump in here with another comparison between men and women. When you're flashing cash, it's paradoxically, it's cheap. So it's the equivalent, and and and you're and whatever somebody leads with, that's what they kind of see as their biggest asset. So a woman who has a really low-cut top on her dating profile, she's you know, she's got she's showing off her body, that's what she's leading with. That's what she sees as her biggest asset, that's what she wants people to notice. As a man, if I'm flashing cash, if that's what I'm putting out there, that's what I want people to notice. That's what I'm leading with, that's what I see as my strongest asset. Yeah. So good point. Now I have money, I can afford these things, but it's not about the money. It's the same way that a woman shows up on a date, if she's got, you know, a super skin tight dress, showing off her body in ways that you you can't help but stare. It's cheap. It it is right for her. But however, if she was to package it in a more stylish, classy way where you can see that she's attractive, but she's not trying to make, she's not over sexualizing her body in the process.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:A guy, you can you can flash the cash around to try and impress people. That that's a cheap tinsel kind of way to do it. That's the equivalent of you as a man wearing a super tight dress and being over-sexualized. Dude, keep that wallet folded up in your back pocket. And, you know, when they slide the check, you just cover it, it's no big deal. It going back to the episode we talked about before about this, the whole point of money is it shouldn't be a big deal when you're on a date.
SPEAKER_00:Right. The materialist in the movie when he gets when he picks up the check and he's just like, I like doing this and I can afford to do it, and it's fine because she uh she was really hung up about all that stuff and his money and everything else. And he absolutely was not. Do you feel like maybe women post-divorce, because we'd be dating a lot of women that are are post-divorce, a lot of them don't, you know, are more understanding of the financial difficulties and challenges that that that come with with that, because they may be post-divorce, they may be experiencing that, or do you think that you know they're mostly kind of just caught up in their own thing, not in a bad way. Like they're just in their, you know, they're blinders of their their lane.
SPEAKER_01:That is a really complicated question. First of all, you know, they have dependents, they have kids, they know the importance of money, particularly from a financial stability point of view. So if they see a kid that's like, you know, and I say kid, just I'm talking mentally, that doesn't have their act together financially, they're gonna be turned off because they don't, because they need a stable partner in the mix because of the kids. Um I I I think also the I believe the number one reason by far for divorce is actually money issues. Um there are arguments around divorce. So people can feel sore about that coming out the other side. And they can feel sore because you know, the wife was the frugal one and the husband just spent like there was no tomorrow. Or maybe the wife is a big spender and she wants to have the quote unquote freedom to be able to spend money however she wants without worrying about the next day. Yeah, I think it'd be very hard to actually pinpoint, you know, whether a woman is more practical or not. I think, I think as a single mom, you have to have your budget in order to some degree, but that but still, there's so many adult children out there that just spend without thinking, that don't, yeah, especially in American culture, man. Like we are a consumption-based culture. You know, we it it's it's really bad.
SPEAKER_00:Agreed. And I don't, I don't have that quite, I was just curious. I just threw that. That's not even in my notes, right? I that was just I was curious about it because I don't have an answer to that either, and I don't really have an opinion. My my experience has been all over the place. Some yes, some absolutely not, which is mind-boggling to me. And doing what you're just describing, which is spending to the point of like, like, how are you gonna pay for that? Like this, this is insane, like insane spending. So I just, yeah, that's that's curious. Maybe that's a maybe that's an episode where we have some divorced women on and and we and we talk about that. The money thing. The money thing is a big, big deal, man. It's uh and it's a really big deal in our culture in particular, in in it being really dialed into dollar amounts and less about what we described, which is being financially responsible, being uh having capabilities to earn other uh masculine, positive masculine traits of being a hard worker, being disciplined, like all of those things. The the dollar amounts really seem to be a a big thing in in our society. And so that'd be a that'd be an interesting deep dive, maybe we go into and and try to try to understand. I don't know. I don't know that you know, we're no geniuses here. I mean, you're obviously way smarter than I am, but you know, maybe we can make some ground here. If somebody else, uh all the psychologists, psychiatrists, uh Silicon Valley haven't figured out, I don't know that we could, but I just like a little shred more knowledge uh around that because my next point is going to be it can be a really the reaction around how you what dates you plan, where you go, and the reaction you get from somebody can be a really strong indicator of where they're at around money. So let's let's talk about that because you can't afford to go to especially here in in Denver and downtown Denver, and if you're listening to some of the big cities and and really anywhere now, across like I was in New Mexico last week, and there's you know, there's some it's definitely less expensive, but still I was like, wow, that's a little bit more expensive than I expected for New Mexico, right? Uh Frito Pie for eight dollars. Like, and if you guys know what a Frito pie is, you you'd be like, wow, that's a lot. The rest of you go Google it. But now I just totally lost my train of thought talking stupid. But oh, so back, so you can't afford to go out three days a week, go to dinner. Like you want you you need to be doing different things. So one, let's first let's talk about kind of the the gauging reactions based upon what you do, and let's talk about maybe the first few dates and what those can be to just get a vibe check on somebody specifically around the money, right? We've talked about how to do it, how to show up, all that stuff, but let's talk about it in the context of the money.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so I would say yes, the first date, maybe even the second date, is a bit of a vibe check. You're trying to see whether or not this person is worth more time and, like you're saying, more expensive days.
SPEAKER_00:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:So the important thing, and I I feel like this is the recurring theme, is the important thing is for me to be square with myself as far as where I am with my finances and not need to prove anything to this other person. I'm not in I'm not inviting them to a coffee date because I'm cheap. Inviting them to a coffee date for two reasons. One, it's well, okay, a list of reasons. One, it's short. And if it's not a good vibe, we can step out and it's no big deal. Easy escape. Yeah, easy escape for everybody. Yeah. Two, usually it's gonna be during the day. I want to start during the day and see what they're like because I want to, this ultimately, this is where the majority of time is gonna be spent with them. Uh three, there's no alcohol. So I'm not giving myself, myself, false positive signals, you know, in the hopes that I'm actually gonna like this woman and this is gonna go somewhere. Also, uh, you know, the the fact that I'm I'm not spending money, this is this is testing or checking with her to see is she looking for a meal ticket? Is she looking for an expensive just experience and doesn't care who's paying for it? Or is she actually interested in me as a man and actually interested in getting to know me? If she's interested in me, you just pick some trendy little coffee shop where maybe it costs six bucks per cup, but you're still out and under$15, which is pretty reasonable. Um go start with that. And and if she has an issue with it, you know, because she wants you to take her out to dinner, will you know that your priorities and her priorities are kind of out of alignment? And again, last thing I'm gonna say, it's it it the reverse is also true. If your priority with her is sex and getting physical with her, she's like, hey man, we're not starting there, especially not on the first date. Well, as a man, you should be saying thing, hey, look, like money is part of this package, but we're not starting there. We need to make sure that we have we have a good vibe on other levels.
SPEAKER_00:So, what do you say to those, especially the women that say, hey, that's really low effort, you know? I need I need more effort than that uh on a coffee, on a coffee, on a coffee.
SPEAKER_01:It depends on how much you want to you know tick them off. If they said that sounds really low effort, and I would say, I would, you know, and I would ask them, well, you know this is a family show. Yeah. Well, I would say, you know, like, well, you know, what would be I I would ask them because again, they have a picture of what high effort is in their mind, I have a picture of what high effort is in my mind. Yeah, high effort for me, part of that is efficiency. I'm not gonna waste my time and energy on somebody that I don't know I have a good fit with. If by low effort they mean that I'm trying to somehow prove that that I'm worth their time and attention, but I have to do that through spending money, okay. Our measuring sticks are way off.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So I don't I have never understood that reaction to a coffee date because to me, like you said in the beginning, it's it's very it's very casual, it's laid back, it's easy. You show up, it's day, like there's all there's so many positives in it, and and you can still show effort by by by being assertive, by by choosing times, by scheduling where you're gonna meet, figure out where you're gonna be. Don't be like, well, where do you want to meet? When do you want like you need to still take initiative, you need to say, hey, are you available on this day or that day? If it doesn't work, when are you available? Okay, what area do you live in? So I can find a spot. Like you can still do things that show effort on a coffee date and and and have it be all those things. And then if you show up, like I would think for a woman, like that's what I want. Like, if that can't stand this guy, if he doesn't speak in full sentences and and and you know, and in growls or grunts, like I want to be out of here. Like, why would you not want that?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I think I think when it comes to, you know, so let's take the statement. Somebody a woman says that's that's real that sounds really low effort. I think an appropriate response that would not piss her off is say, hey, look, I want to get to know you before I plan a more involved date or a more romantic date. Because what you're speaking to there is you're saying, I want to get to know you as a person. Any woman that has an issue with that, I she needs to check in with herself because any woman should be listening to that going, oh great, this guy's actually looking for something serious. He doesn't just want to mess around. You know, he wants to get to know me. And and then, you know, and then after that, she can go back to assessing how much effort. When it comes to the effort, yeah, this is about crafting. This is about using your imagination. You know, what did you have in the conversation with her, either on the dating apps or in real life? What was mentioned that you can somehow work into the date? So it's not just a generic coffee date, it's a coffee date that has something to do with something that was going on, or you bring something to it, something to make it a little unique and special. Your job as a man is to spend that creative energy. Ultimately, that's actually the most expensive resource for a man is your creativity. Money is a means of making that creativity come into reality. All the other elements, it's behind your creativity. And that is exhausting trying to come up with good ideas. And I think it I think it naturally throttles how many women you can date at once. You just don't have that much creative. Creative energy.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, unless you're doing the same thing and showing up at the same places with different women. They can tell.
SPEAKER_01:Which is not a good idea. Yeah. Well, well, that that's that women can sense that it's not original. Women can sense that this is a copy and paste message on a dating app. This is a copy and paste date that you've done with a bunch of other women. It smells stale. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So you mentioned creativity, and I think that is that is a key, key thing because the creativity shows effort. And you're you're right, man. Trying to think of stuff to do is a lot of work. Like trying to plan something and think of stuff. And so when we we talk about effort and showing up in dating and how the women woman prepares herself for a date and she's looking good, this is where our effort comes in in figuring out even if it is a coffee date. Or let's talk about let's let's talk about some some other creative ones. Walks have been a good one that I've seen, especially here in Denver Metro, in Colorado in general. Everybody's pretty active and outside and pretty like it's 50 something here today in January, right? It's insane. And we can get outside during during the winter as well. Walks have been a great, like meet at a coffee shop and a walk, or I've done, hey, let's go for a walk. What's your favorite coffee drink? And then show up with that drink, right? Like do stuff like that. Ice cream. Ice cream is is one that that man, I love ice cream, so I'll sit and eat ice cream any anytime. Yeah you know, do you have any other ones that's that could be like the the low pressure kind of vibe check ones that are kind of interesting and and unique and fun?
SPEAKER_01:That that have that are that are like low cost, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That are low cost, like one of the first first couple of dates like we're talking about. Oh, you just like made every guy like every guy like me cringe.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so but no, no, no, but you have to okay, shopping doesn't mean shopping in a in the woman's section of a department store. Shopping could be for anything. And one of the cool things, and that I mean, maybe not on a first date, but heck, why not? Assume familiarity. That's always effective. Um, when you're like, hey, I am looking for you know this thing that goes in my apartment, you know, it's like a fake plant or whatever. I'd you know, here are the pictures. You send her pictures beforehand. This is the spot I'm looking for. Do you want to hit up some antique stores down on, you know, such and such a street and see what you have? This is this is a zero cost date, but it's highly interesting, and you don't know what you're gonna run into. Not to mention you're knocking out stuff that's on your to-do list at the same time. And okay, I've got to change my oil. Yeah. Well, do you want? I mean, maybe she could come help me change my oil. Okay, so here's okay. I'm I'm totally giving away one of my secrets here, but I listen up, guys. I have a monthly car wash subscription. That means I can get a car wash every day. My car does not need a car wash every day. However, there are plenty of my dates cars that need a wash when I see them. Okay. So, and and when you go and it's like, hey, let's go take your car and run it through the car wash. Okay, we're taking care of a chore. That that that woman, that girl feels so good after that. She feels amazing. If you're feeling it, if the weather's nice or whatever, go ahead and like, you know, pop open those doors and hit the vacuum. And I'm the one doing the vacuuming. Again, this is costing me zero dollars because I already have my$35 a month car wash subscription. Yeah. She feels like you're taking care of her. She drives away, she's going to feel the echoes of how good it was to be in your presence. That's an act of service. And it's a small thing, but it shows that you care. It shows that you want her to look good, you want her to feel good. And then you've got that waiting in line time in the car wash, and you're chatting, and then you're inside. I mean, like, and I can guarantee it's very few men have taken her to the car wash, you know, as part of a date.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And then you some of those car washes have free popcorn. So you guys can snack on some popcorn and you can watch the car go by and get washed. And there's like there's all kinds of sexual inundos going on with the car getting washed and sudsed up too. So I mean, it could do a lot there, Dallas. You were pretty masterful, my friend.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I'm I'm I'm stuck on like this is an Ocean's 11's list of junk food here, the Brad Pitt's eating. So we got ice cream, we got popcorn, and we have Frito pie so far. And we're not even half hour into this episode. So we know what my secrets, dude. Did Jude, did you have an edible this morning? Or do you have the munchies? What's going on here?
SPEAKER_00:All right. Okay. So I I like that. Now that's incredibly incredibly creative. So so we've we've talked in the past.
SPEAKER_01:I got another, I got another one which is playful. This is a little more on the edge, but this is what you want to be doing again when you're looking for creativity. I will open houses or real estate for sale.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, good one.
SPEAKER_01:And you go in and you're kind of like the car wash, when you're vacuuming your car, you're role-playing for being in a relationship. When you go into that house, oh boy, they want to know the story because you know, if if if a man and a woman are going in together, they kind of assume that they're shopping together. Here, it's it game is on for improvising. And you can just, you know, you can you can give fake names, you can, you know, bring up stories, and you can play off each other. Again, it's a little edgy, but depending on the date, and depending on how much you want to give her a thrilling experience on the date, you can take her to you know various open houses. And again, zero cost. I've I've had date, I've had walks in neighborhoods, you know, with ice cream that naturally just turns into us going into an open house and us pretending, and they feel kind of nervous, and I'm like, no, come on, we'll be fine. And and just follow my lead. And then I'll just make up some stuff, and I'm oh honey, you know, this would be great. Or what do you think about that right there? You know, and then you end up in the basement, you know, kissing for a minute, and it creates a wonderful story.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, no, I I I like that. What about what about athletic stuff, like like a hike or or pickleball or tent, like something, something like that. Do you find that that that works depending on on the woman who is athletically inclined or not athletically inclined? And is that okay maybe second, third, fourth day? Because you at least know that because you're gonna be spending a more significant time and you're gonna be you know with them and having to have a an extended conversation with them.
SPEAKER_01:So for me personally, I feel like this is a question of style and compatibility. Um, if the two of you are like, oh, I love pickleball, and then the other person's like, well, I've never tried it, and it sounds like a fun activity, great, awesome, go do it. Because it's not the activity, it is just an excuse and a context for the two of you to have a shared experience. All dates, that's what they are. It's not actually about the activity.
SPEAKER_00:Can we stop there and just highlight that? I think if if there's something to take away from this this episode, it's that point right there. And can you say that again?
SPEAKER_01:The the the the activity is just a context and an excuse for you to create the connection. It's not about the activity. So coming back to the spot.
SPEAKER_00:That is what you you want an excuse and a reason to try to connect with this person. Hopefully the connection happens, which but you're also not gonna, it might not happen too.
SPEAKER_01:Which is where something silly, trivial, but still kind of fun and meaningful, like going to the car wash or going into an open house, it has that effect. You're obviously not shopping for the house, but the experience that that that that was extracted from your time together, that's what the date is actually about. Okay, let me let me come back to the sports thing, and maybe this is more of a Colorado thing. Some people, like their whole life is around going hiking every single weekend, or you know, they're all about the biking or the running or the or the skiing, and and it's it's a part of their they're a consummate hiker or a consummate skier. It's part of their identity, it's part of who they are as a person. Okay, when I go on dates with people where that is part of who they are, I feel like I'm just like a third wheel, a second wheel, tagging along on an activity that they're already doing. Yeah. And and I don't enjoy that personally. I feel like I'm just kind of this isn't our date. This is something that they would be doing anyway, and I'm just joining them. That's not me and them coming together. That's kind I wouldn't say that I'm being whipped when I'm doing it, but it's I'm definitely adapting to them, and I'm and I'm not leading anything really uh in the process.
SPEAKER_00:And you're not introducing them to anything that's new and interesting or to your world, which is ultimately what you want and you need to be doing, is again that that Robert Glover idea, the icing on the cake and bringing them into you to your world and and and giving them an experience and having an experience, right? You are actually you're experiencing them. They're not you're not creating experience for for for them.
SPEAKER_01:So when it when it comes to sports and activities, some people, it's a strong part of their identity. And again, if the if if if you and her really click and and that's your thing, that's awesome. That's just part of the compatibility. But if it's something that that that they just love to do, this this is their thing, and you can't really think of anything else, it it's sort of like it's sort of like they have home court advantage, and I'm the visiting away team. Yeah, it just it it for me a lot of times it doesn't create that much activity, that much connection. Another thing, and again, this is personal for me. I'm not interested in seeing what this woman is like athletically. I'm what I I'm more interested in how this woman looks when we're out shopping for an antique for for my apartment, or you know, we're gonna we're gonna go into IKEA and again pretend that we're, you know, like have a tiny place that we're gonna like decorate or something. Uh or you know, or for me, you know, I'm I'm more sapiosexual, I'm really attracted to intelligence. So having conversations at a coffee shop or over drinks at a bar is very attractive to me. And I like to see, I like to dress well. I like to see how she dresses. Does she like to dress well? If you're always doing sports activities, a lot of times that's you know, that that's just turned off. That's not part of the date. And for me on a personal level, that just doesn't that that doesn't show most of what I'm looking for.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So so I would I would agree with that to some extent. I do like mixing in athletic, athletic stuff in in the first month or two because I'm I'm very active and very athletic. And I really feel like it tells you a lot about somebody, particularly if they're willing to go do something athletic that they've never done before. And then how they handle that and and and how they how they react to not being good at something, doing it the first time or one of the first times, or having not done it for a long time, really gives you a clue into their personality and how they're gonna handle uncomfortable differations. And that can be for that can be for anything, right? Like maybe you go to do like the sip and paint and stuff like that. I like doing that one because I go into a dance class, yeah. Or dance class, yep, yep, something like that. Because like I cannot, I have zero artistic ability, man. And it's like, you know, draw Van Gogh's ghost, and my ghost is a stick, man, right? Like, so it's it's it's it's great to see, but I know that, and I just laugh about it. And then mine, you know, every you know how everybody handle it, you know, shows them at the end, and mine's like the kit the kids that looks like from kindergarten, right? But I did, but that's fine, right? So I think it tells a lot about somebody if you do, if you're introducing them to stuff, and and I guess that would be another thing. If you're finding these unique things, just like try to be outside of the box, right? Find stuff that is just not coffee. Well, I think c I think coffee, I think drinks, like in the beginning of the vibe check stuff, you absolutely have to do that because you do not want to get stuck a lot of time and a lot of money with somebody that is just totally you're just and there's gonna be a lot of people that like like that.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and you know, and and coffee and drinks should be a standard part that can be tacked on to the beginning, middle, or end of any situation. You're meeting up with friends to go out, you and her meet for a drink before, or you have the time with the friends, they leave, you stick around and have a drink, just the two of you. Would you the these are these are elements that can be worked in, and when they're worked in spontaneously, it's not the purpose of it. We went shopping, we were there for quite a while. Well, now let's have ice cream. It it it provides a context switch, you can move, you can change scenes, it feels like a like a second date, you've got a refresh that's happening. All these all of these are are good uses of of drinks on on an ongoing basis. Coming back though to your use of athletics, I I the way you described it there, that's awesome. I was talking about like a first date. Oh, let's go for a hike. Again, if it feels good, that sounds awful. Yeah, it it does for me too, because it it feels like, oh, I'm just trying to work in my exercise here and I'm gonna, you know, and I'm going to multitask here and get in a date with a man. I'm like, uh sorry, let me know when you actually want to sit down and pay attention to each other. Um that that's my personal feeling. But to your point, I think it's really good that we do bring in a variety of dates, including the athletic ones. And coming back to the to the supposed theme of this episode, a lot of times when you're doing those sports activities, it's very low cost. Does she turn up her nose at that? Does she see it as low effort? Or is she looking for a well-rounded dating experience with you? I think that's great. Last thing I want to say about the sports is if a lot of guys are more physical, more athletic, they that's their comfort zone, that's where they like to be. Be careful that you're not dragging a woman into it with you. Be sensitive to whether or not she actually likes it and whether or not she actually shows interest. Be honest about that. You're not looking for your pickleball buddy and force her into it. I have I have heard so many women complain that men have just hijacked their lives and forced them to be, you know, second player on their video game, so to speak, in whatever activities they want, whether it's watching sports, whether it's video games, whether you know, whether it what whatever it is, it it you know that this should be a balance. Yes, invite her into the activities that you have. You know, she should be able to be a good sport about it some of the time and be open-minded. And to your point, you go sip and paint also. You go and, you know, go to the go to the you know, the the the day spa, you know, and and do the experience with her. Listen to what she wants and show that you're willing to step outside of your comfort zone as well.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, if you're paying attention and and and you're looking for the feedback, you're going to know from body language, from energy, from excitement or lack of excitement, whether she's enjoying herself and and having a good time. And the other point I wanted to make around the athletic thing is I think women women want men that have some semblance of a physical uh physicality. And so they want to know that you are, and this gives you the opportunity to do something that that shows that. So again, it doesn't have you don't have you don't have to go to the gym and and show her your your max squat on the on the squat rack. Like you don't have to do anything crazy, but getting out for a hike show shows that, and I'll tell you the hike thing, and not in the beginning, but maybe dates three, four, or five. I've had tremendous success because you can find some terrific places, especially here in the the mountains of Colorado, or even if you just do something around town, find cool and unique places, guys. Like we've got reservoirs here, sunsets, sunset hikes and stuff like that is very, very romantic. It's just a uh mood setter. And then let's talk about the other thing we can do too here, because this is a little bit of a strategy. Dallas is is layering the dates or making it a progressive date. And that helps you to you can have a grand plan, like, hey, we're gonna start with with coffee, walk, and then maybe it goes into lunch or dinner or whatever or whatever it is, and then we're gonna you know finish it at at the at the theater or we're gonna finish at the at the gallery or something like that. But if it's not meshing and it's not happening, you can just stop it. But you can have this plan. And let me tell you, if the plan goes off well, dude, you are freaking golden. If you've planned like a whole date where you're you're you you're progressing through these different things and giving her these different experiences of you know, of culture, of athleticism, and and going for a walk, of a of scenery somewhere that sets a mood. And by the end of that date, man, like you are in like Flynn.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And and you're you're 100% right. Because as you lead her through your plan, your experience, as you lead her through all of that, she's going to relax more and more and more because she realizes, hey, this guy's coming up with fun stuff to do. I don't have to think about it. I can just show up, be happy, relax, have fun, not think about it. He's got stuff going on. It's very rare uh for women to meet men like that. And to come back again to the idea that we have to flash cash, most people think that in order for you to give these amazing, adventurous experiences, you got to be buying plane tickets to foreign destinations, you got to be putting people up in hotels, you got to pay for you know horseback rides on the beach, because that's what Instagram is showing us that you need to do. Okay, here's a here's another really you know zero to low cost up date that you can do. You know, you can go, hey, you know what? I want to want to go to the park with you, but let's swing by you know big five sporting goods beforehand and pick up something to play with a frisbee, smash ball, you know, whatever. You can pick whatever it is. You'll go to go to Walmart and look on the discount racker. It doesn't matter. But you know, going to a park, you know, is kind of like going to going on a hike. You're less immersed in nature, but you also have access to Jude's ice cream parlors that he can't seem to get away from.
SPEAKER_00:Yep.
SPEAKER_01:And you're and you and you put you play right there. And and what I like to tap into, again, this is sort of a a personal a person personality thing with me, but I think most women really enjoy it. I'm taking them back in time to childhood. Do you remember when was the last time you played Frisbee? Yeah, you know, I mean, maybe you're big into frisbee golf or something, but when was the last time that you you played any of these games? And we forget why they were fun. So do that. You know, bring that, you know, bring those elements and take her and travel her back into a younger place in her life where she was more carefree, especially if she's a single mom. That takes it back to a carefree place because the motherhood is a burden and it's an unavoidable burden for a woman. And here you're giving her a taste of the opposite of that. You're reminding her what it was before. And last thing I'm gonna say transitions really well into kids, you know, to like realize oh, you know, you can't pay to take kids to, you know, I don't know, the The museum and movies and you know horseback riding like three times a week. You can't. Right. Showing that you can reuse the same, the same baseball gloves and balls, you know, like over and over and over again at the park, you're showing him this is, I think, to your point of being athletic. You're also showing, hey, I'm a physical dad, I'm a physical person. I'm going to take these kids and get them out of the house and make them forget their phones.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You you want to show that and demonstrate it with her first.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And everything you just described, so the date you just described, which is picking something up, a few bucks, the park is no cost, or if it is a reservoir, there's a minimal cost to gain entry somewhere or a state park like that. And then the the time that you spend there, another idea is you can you can pick up lunch and have a picnic lunch when you do that at a park or the reservoir. Like I like that. We've got reservoirs in in and around this area that have beaches. So while it's not an actual beach experience on the ocean, it is it's it's water and it's a beach, and it's and it's pretty romantic, especially if you hit it during that that time period of the the sunset when it's when it's uh you know that golden that golden hour. And then if you want to, if you want to progress from there, you do the like ice cream. You're under 50 bucks here with all said and and and and done, and and you've taken her on this adventure, you've had a good time, you've been able to relate, you've shown her all of the stuff that we described about yourself, and then you see what her reaction is. Is there part of it that she you she really reacted to that was good? And you can ask her, like, this and this is a great opportunity to get feedback, like what was your childhood like, or or what was did you ever go to the you know, did you ever go to ice creams where you have a fat kid like me, you know, eating ice cream all the time uh as uh growing up? Like it's an opportunity to really be able to dive deeper.
SPEAKER_01:It is, yeah, it it it conjures up memories, it conjures up stories, and you start sharing them again, not through a trauma dumping lens. This isn't us analyzing it. It all it is is bringing up memories from childhood. Oh, you know, my sister and I, we used to play Monopoly all the time. You know, you could bring a board game with you, you know, and set up a tent. You know, you could show off your your camping skills or whatever by, you know, tying off tarps to trees and setting up a little fort. Again, highly romantic. Here, you know, you're you're showing her if we were stranded on a desert island, yes, I can provide a certain amount of shelter. Things like this, you know, really have a deep impact. And to your point, they they can cost very, very little money.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And there's bars that have game nights, trivia nights, board game nights, card game nights. I've done that before. That's a just an immense amount of fun because then you're social with other people, you're she's getting to see you interact with other people, you're getting to see her interact with other people. Again, it starts, it just gives you that opportunity. It kind of, Dells, the way that I think of it, when you're more creative like this, it just gives you a faster way to get to know and see what the feel is around her and whether or not this is somebody that you then want to spend those mundane days with, just sitting on the couch reading and and talking or making coffee for, or maybe eventually waking up with in in the morning, right? So this is gonna really help you to gauge that, and it's gonna help her too as as well, if you are more creative up front with this. So I I think if if we want to to to kind of wrap this up, because I think we could talk about a million ideas, but what I'm gonna encourage you guys to do is get involved in Dallas's group. They talk about this stuff, they do field work, they took like this is the stuff that he's giving you the, you know, he gave you one of his big golden ones. So, you know, I I see across across the country we're gonna get a, we're gonna, well, at least for the for the hundreds of people that download this, there's gonna be a uptick in car wash memberships going on. But but this is the stuff that that they talk about all the time. And man, I'm telling you, it will make a huge difference in your dating life when you implement just some of these small things and get some of these good ideas. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Women, you know, one of the I I get this compliment all the time, and it it it tickles my it tickles my fancy every single time I get it. When there's like Dallas, I love how thoughtful you are in the days that you that you plan. I love how you've considered it. And even a lot of times I will make an invitation and they'll say, Well, we can't do that, or I can't do this. Doesn't matter. The fact that I threw the invitation out there for whatever it was, yeah. I already I scored all the brownie points just by inviting her to do it. Even though we ended up having to just have a quiet night, you know, watching Netflix or whatever, doesn't matter. The fact that I I made that stretch and I made that invitation to her, that already scored the points with her.
SPEAKER_00:Yep. Yeah, absolutely. And so to just kind of put a bone, our I our originally our goal here was so you're still keeping your standards, right? So you're looking for somebody that that is that is high quality and that you want to be able to have a relationship and spend time with on you know for the for the long run. So you don't need to spend a lot of money. We just we just gave you at least maybe like a dozen different ideas. And and and we don't I've got a I've got a I've got another I got a list here. Like, I mean, we didn't talk about museums, we didn't talk about uh art fairs, like farmers markets, there's all kinds of stuff. Uh the I love the the the antiquing one that that you talked about uh as well. There's there's all kinds of ideas. Actually, I'm gonna I'm gonna put a tip out there, Dallas, and you tell me if you agree with this or not. Use AI. Just jump onto AI and say, hey, give me some unique, inexpensive uh date ideas for Denver metro area and see what it comes up with. It I'm telling you, it will come up with some stuff. I did this about four or five months ago, Dallas, and it came up with uh, and it's one of my favorite, new favorite places, a little pinball bar. And it's all pinball machines. And I grew up playing pinball, and I love freaking playing pinball. I used to play it for hours and hours and hours. Dude, I've taken dates there and it's just so much fun.
SPEAKER_01:It's just the place down by the melting pot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been there once. It's pretty cool. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:It is cool. It's a little dive place, but it's got like three dozen pinball machines from all ages, like some from when I was growing up to like the brand new ones. And so it's just stuff like that, guys. So if you're not that creative, you can't think of it. You're not as brilliant as as Dallas is and figuring this stuff out, and you're more like me. Utilize the the AI technology, plug something in there. Uh, you can even you can even say, hey, uh plan me a progressive date. Like, and and it'll I I did this recently. The reason I know this, I did this recently for my trip. I took off for like five days, and I said, like, give me an agenda, play this is what I want to do, places to stop, even gas stations where I can get where I can and places I can stop and let my dude, it it like laid everything out to the minute for me. It was amazing. So you can do something like that if you're not as creative, but then you can tweak it and then you can make it your own and mold it how you want to mold it. So if you don't, if you I just want the guys to know if you feel like overwhelmed by what you're hearing, or like, I'm not Dallas, man, I'm not that smooth, I'm not that you know creative, I'm not that romantic, like you can you can augment that.
SPEAKER_01:Use use AI. It's a fabulous tool for for just about everything now in life. It really is. Using it for the creativity, using it to plan stuff, using it to get outside of it. You the the trick is to tell it that. It's like I feel like I'm always going the same dates. What's something that can change it? Or ask me the questions that I need. The other the other element that I would I would say that needs to be part of your creativity. It's so easy for us to slip into audition mode as a man. I'm trying to audition for the part of being your boyfriend, husband, whatever. I'm trying to impress you, I'm trying to do this. And again, see above spending too much on dates trying to impress somebody and auditioning. You want to be sure you're not doing that. The way that you, the way that you unhook yourself from that is, well, first of all, you recognize that when you're doing that, you're putting her first ahead of yourself. You need to begin with, what is it that I would love to be doing right now? You know, if it if it's some sort of like, you know, I want to go shopping for something in my apartment. Well, what is it that has been there and I haven't picked it out and I just need to go and do it? And it would feel good for me to actually go out and knock this thing off the list. Or I, you know, I'm asking myself, like, well, yeah, what do I like to really do? I love pinball machines like Jude. And that's something that I really love to do. It's something that tickles the fancy inside of me. And then I have to ask myself, do I think, honestly, that this is something that she would enjoy? Going to the sports bar and watching every NFL playoff game, unless she's way into football, that that might be what you like, but that's not a date. You need maybe if you want to go, you found some antiquing place that has a whole bunch of sports memorabilia or whatever, but it's got other stuff. Okay, cool. Now this is a date. But what the the point I was trying to make is you want to, you want to listen to the things that you actually love to do and and draw from that well and feed that into AI when you're trying to come up with date ideas. Otherwise, it'll just pump out generic stuff. You can say, hang on, right? I need something that I actually want to go on that I actually have some excitement about, because the woman is going to feel your excitement, and she's going to feel like she's being invited onto something that Dallas or Jude loves to do anyway. And that's the only way that she's going to be able to get a vibe check from you and know that she really wants to be with you.
SPEAKER_00:Right. You're you're the prize guys. And don't, you know, just because you're divorced, just because you're getting back in the game here, don't do not discount that. Go back and listen to our some of our previous episodes about why why you're a catch and and work from from that mindset. And you know, Dallas is a coach, I'm a coach, and part of what we do then is also work with you on your mindset around this, creating the vision that you want for for your life, for your dating life, etc. And then helping you work backwards from there in doing that. And you know, part of that is planning dates and and and everything else. But but if you work it from from that direction, like like Dallas said, like, what do you want? What do you what do you see? What do you what do you want? And then work backwards. Well, that's gonna help you to determine the the woman that that you want, the woman that you're gonna choose. And and the last thing I'll just say is if you're not feeling it and you don't feel like she's fitting, just cut ties. It's it's okay because you're gonna make yourself miserable, you're gonna make her miserable. And we get this a lot of guy times with codependent guys and codependent women who want to make everybody happy. It's much easier to just have that, hey, we've really I've really enjoyed spending time with you, which hopefully you did, right? I think just meeting new people and going and doing fun stuff, like you said, stuff that you like is just fun. That's the way that I look at that dating is wow, this is a fun thing to do uh with somebody new that I don't know, right? So hopefully it was honestly a fun time and experience of spending with them, but I don't see this you know going long term. And so, you know, I'm we're gonna, I'm gonna, you know, we're not gonna pursue things anymore.
SPEAKER_01:And that's okay. Yeah, it is. It is. You you have to be able to let it go when it's not the right fit because if you don't, that keeps you occupied and you can't meet uh match up with the woman that really does just, you know, fill your balloon up the way you want it to. Yep. Um, I want to circle back to to I think you said a couple of times, you know, when we're talking about how a guy doesn't have to show a lot of money, and it can actually get in the way of you finding a high quality woman. I I definitely agree with that statement because it shouldn't be about the money, it should be about the people. Maybe that's one of the things to take away from this, is it should be about the people, not about the money. So people orient themselves very, very differently behind money, around money. And I have found that money, money gives us three good feelings, or every good feeling that we get from money falls into one of three buckets. This is my own personal model of it. I want to throw this out there uh at the end of this episode. Maybe we'll carry it forward into the next one. For me, there there are every good feeling goes into one of three buckets. The first one is well, they are uh freedom, comfort, right, and lifestyle. I have very specific definitions of these. Sorry, freedom, security, and lifestyle. Those are the three. Security is I sleep really well at night. I sleep like a baby because I have nothing to worry about because I got a bunch of cash in the bank. That's security. Freedom, very specifically, is I don't have to do something for someone else because I need their money.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's that's freedom, is I don't have to do that. Lifestyle for me is other people doing things for me in exchange for my money. So and every and everything that we're doing with money falls into one of those three. And everybody wants all three of those. But people put them in different orders. So a woman that that is that is saying that's pretty low effort to a date that's just coffee, she must I I'm gonna, and if what she's wanting is you to spend more money, she's prioritizing lifestyle over security and freedom.
SPEAKER_02:Right.
SPEAKER_01:And okay, but but here's the thing I'm not gonna say that that's wrong. No, because if that if that's well, I'm not gonna even say that's a lower quality woman. If that's what she wants, and I'm the kind of guy that also it's all about lifestyle, we're gonna love blowing our money all over the place. If that's what you're like, that's fine. What you'd want to be looking for is compatibility. This woman wants me to spend a whole lot of money, and I want security and freedom first, and lifestyle comes after that. Realize that there is a difference in our prioritization of the experiences we want with money.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it becomes determining whether or not there's a line, there's an alignment, right? Or or or in and not necessarily the the only the only thing I'd like to add, because I think those are perfect, right? Those I think those are spot on exactly what what the the the core of money is is bringing people deep down if they want to really do the the the looking about it. But it doesn't have to be an exact alignment right now. That's the only one thing I want to see. It just has to be a a desire to be aligned. So but but with the caveat of watching her actions on how she what what she says to what she does, if that if that alignment is there and she says she wants that alignment, is she working for that alignment to and that's and this isn't saying that she's working to align to your life, just align to the same value that you have, whether it's lifestyle or freedom or security, whatever, whatever it is. If she's saying she wants lifestyle, but you know, she's pursuing freedom or vice versa, then you know what she's saying is not in alignment with what your life is. And be very careful with that. So that's been a big challenge that I've had. Dallas is you know, not not being not seeing the red flags around that. Not that it's her red flag, right? Like you said, that's her choice. That's great. That's all of our choices. That's perfectly fine. One's not better than uh than the than the other. One of us is not more altruistic because we want freedom over lifestyle. It's just different, but just be cognizant of that. And in the way I feel you can be cognizant of that, Dallas, is you've got guy friends around you. Like you're hanging out with Dallas and you're talking to Dallas about stuff, or he's meeting her, or you guys are all spending time collectively doing stuff. You need to be part of a community of guys to bounce that stuff off of because if you don't, it's really like sometimes really hard to figure out, but also really hard to disengage and maybe keep just get away from the relationship if you need to.
SPEAKER_01:Very true. And and in order to find alignment with a woman, you must establish alignment and maintain alignment with yourself. You can't if you find yourself spending more than you're comfortable spending on dates with a woman, you are out of alignment with yourself and you need to re-establish your masculine frame. You need to re-establish your your baseline, and you need to go, okay, this time I'm not gonna deviate, or I'm definitely gonna deviate less. Don't let that pretty date pull you into places spending money that you shouldn't spend.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Have the priorities that you have, have the alignment. And if she, and and when you're maintaining it, if if you and her are out of alignment, that's revealing things for what they really are. And you have to ask yourself what's more important to you, alignment with yourself or trying to bend yourself into alignment with her. And we all know that just doesn't last.
SPEAKER_00:No, it does not. It's a recipe for disaster. And I think the guys that are listening can probably appreciate the fact that probably that's one of the reasons why we've all we are we are in a divorce or got a divorce in in the first place. So hopefully, hopefully we've learned from that challenging time and and we're gonna do it right this second time. And so, so Dallas, this is great conversation. This was a phenomenal phenomenon, as always, a phenomenal conversation. I really liked it. And and I want to encourage the guys to get involved with coaching, okay, wherever they're at in their divorce or post-divorce, whatever they need with the divorce davicate community, or if they're ready to really dive into all this stuff that that goes on, the nuanced stuff that that I didn't learn growing up and didn't learn dating, that that your community involves. So tell share just briefly a little bit about your community, what you guys do, how you guys do it, and where they can get where they can get in contact with you.
SPEAKER_01:So the way the way you find us is blackboxdating.com. The community is blackbox wingmen. And uh, we're a group of guys. Um, we have our chats, you know, that go back and forth once a week, every every Wednesday night. We uh I have office hours. Office hours involves a little motivational talk, some good stimulating questions, guys sharing wins, struggles, things that are happening. Where and a lot of the guys in that group have never had other guys to regularly share that with. And because, you know, if you're if your friends are guys that are married, like they don't care, they don't have the same perspective. It it doesn't really ring true, they're maybe not that interested. And with the black box wingmen, we really are interested. And then I'm there. And so guys can ask for date ideas, like we had in this episode. We you can you can bring in your your chat conversation, share with me. If you're struggling with what message to send to this woman in this one particular, you know, she's been kind of there, kind of not, or you're trying to transition from the dating apps to real life, whatever it is, right there in the spot in the chat of you know of the meeting room. I'm you can see me crafting the message, what I go through. And then, and then we we analyze it and we pick it apart, and you can see what works and what doesn't. This is and we do this every single week live. It's it's a really, really good opportunity to up your dating game and to have some accountability in in getting yourself improved on it. That's awesome. I would say the first step, the first step is to come to the uh the live QA that that you and I have, Jude. You know, we had the ask a dating coach. I'll let you give the uh the date and time, but come to one of those. Those are free. The the black box dating group coaching and and private coaching, those are paid services. But you can come to the one with Jude here and and get out. Access and get a taste of it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, Dallas has been gracious enough to give us some of his time complimentary once uh once a month. And so you can you can check out the events page at the divorced advocate.com and and and you can find that. Our next one's coming up on the 22nd. So let's see, that's actually that's this week because this this podcast drops on oh no, that's next week, sorry. So that's just coming up next week. And again, that's that's complimentary. And guys, yeah, just just get involved. Get and know after rebuilding from from divorce, your your friend pool shrinks. That's something that's very common. It happens. Get re-engaged, do not uh do not self-isolate, get in Dallas's group, come to some of our group meetings. We got dads that are not only looking for not only dating after divorce, but might be going through challenging co-parenting times or stuff with the kids. Like I've got teens, lots of guys have teens. If you've got teens and you're a single parent, every single parent knows that that's challenging, right? So so just get involved, get engaged, get if you've got a church group, whatever it is, just get people around you, surround yourself with with other guys. It is absolutely critical. And I know Dallas you believe in that as well. So my friend, awesome. Great week. I appreciate it. We'll do it again next week. Absolutely, Jude. See you next week.
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