Dads Dating After Divorce
Dating after divorce isn’t what it used to be—especially when you’re a dad. The rules have changed, the world has changed, and now you’ve got kids in the mix. Join Dallas and Jude as they share real-world strategies and insights from their work with dads and men at BlackBoxDating.com and TheDivorcedDadvocate.com.
Dads Dating After Divorce
32 - High Status Dads: What Being a Father Signals in the Dating Market
The dating world loves loud status symbols, but here’s the twist: the traits that truly move a woman’s heart are quiet, steady, and earned. We dig into why divorced dads often start with a hidden edge—preselection, proven commitment, and hard-won emotional maturity—and how to turn that advantage into real connection. Instead of chasing dominance displays, we map the path to prestige: leadership that calms her nervous system, decisions that build trust, and a presence that lets her relax and feel carefree.
We unpack status as a biological shortcut and show how to use it without becoming a caricature. Hypergamy gets a clear, grounded reframing: it’s less about money and more about admiration. That means you can change the game. If your finances took a hit or you’re rebuilding post-divorce, you can still win by offering the experience women actually want—safety, clarity, and emotional steadiness. We share how to answer the tough questions about your past without bitterness, why “divorced with kids” is a powerful signal, and how to avoid slipping down the ladder by venting or chasing validation.
Then we get practical. Filter for fit instead of seeking approval. Define your values and choose the status game that matches them. Build a life that feels like a win before she enters it—health, routines, co-parenting, purpose—and invite her into that frame. If she plays a zero-sum game, move on. When you act like the prize, you attract someone who loves how she feels in your presence. That’s the kind of status no algorithm can fake and no trend can replace.
If this resonated, leave a rating, share it with a dad who needs it, and join us live in Denver on Feb 19 for a Q&A. Want weekly support and deeper tactics? Visit blackboxdating.com, hop into the mastermind, and start leading with prestige. Subscribe for more conversations that help divorced dads date with clarity, confidence, and heart.
Hello, and welcome to Dads Dating After Divorce, the only podcast that is helping you dads to traverse the wild, wacky, and fun, if you want it to be, world of dating after divorce. My name is Jude Sandoval. I'm the founder of The Divorced Advocate, and my co-host, as always, is Dallas Bluth, the founder of Black Box Dating. How are you doing, Dallas? Doing awesome, Jude. Let's uh let's rock and roll. Yeah, we're gonna be talking about status. And I just wanted to add, I have to, I wanted to add that I have to add fun in there in that intro, because I've been doing the like the wild and wacky or whatever, wild, crazy, interesting, whatever. But it depending on your mindset, it can be a lot of fun. And I have I know that I like I I like to have fun. I don't know about you, and I think the dads listening would hopefully like to have fun. So it can be fun, especially if you keep the the right mindset, which is right.
SPEAKER_03:Women definitely want it to be fun. So we have to keep that element there. If you're if it seems like a grind, if it seems like a job, if we're if we're getting frustrated, we gotta get back to basics. Women definitely want it to be fun.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And that's all about your mindset. And we're gonna talk a little bit about this today because we had a call last night with with the with a lot of the divorced dads, uh, and one of the topics that that you had brought up was status. And if you listen kind of to the mainstream narrative out there or some of the darker corners of the web, that's all about like the Lambeau that you've got and the C-suite title or your six-pack abs or whatever else. And if you're you're like a lot of the dads listening and you're fresh out of a door a divorce, maybe you're living in an apartment for the first time in a very, very long time, and or your finances have had taken a really big hit, and you might like you might feel like your your status is pretty much bottomed out and that you're damaged goods. But what I want us to to to talk about and sh and and share with the dads today is flipping that script and talking about why being a divorced dad is actually, I would call it, an unfair advantage in the dating market if you if you know how to leverage it, right? And it's and it's a well-earned unfair advantage for sure. Um, and so we're gonna talk about kind of the the biology of status and why women are wired to look for men with experience, and then also how the how the dads can stop chasing and stop and start flirting, right? Because that goes to that that mindset and what kind of what you were talking about last night and those mindset shifts. So let's let's uh let's jump into it. The fur any comments first before before before we jump into you know, you know my structure, like I got it all structured out. So any any any initial thoughts around that.
SPEAKER_03:So I love this topic. I I feel like our perception of status in society is really, really narrow. And when you really open up this topic, you start to realize that that it's a it's a game that everybody plays and it's being played. It's like 3D chess that's being played out in the society in in lots of different ways. And we tend to, when we talk about status, we reduce it down to, like you said, the Lambo, you know, what's your salary, what's getting posted on Instagram, what's what's your last vacation. We oversimplify it into the materialistic category. And status is so much more rich and complex and ultimately actually useful to people than than than than just that explanation. So yeah, let's jump in.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely. And so uh and so on that let's let's talk about it because what you just mentioned, social media in particular, is really playing on something that is primal in both men and and women. So which that's why they start talking about the Lambos and the C-suites and the abs. And if you scroll social media, like you can't you can't scroll more than five seconds without seeing one of those, like one of those three things. It's just insane. But it is rooted in some some biological and psychological thinking, right? And and so so first let's let let's just let's just be open about the fact that women are biologically wired to mu monitor, if you will, status. Okay, it's not it's not shallow, it's just an an and it's an ancestral uh survival mechanism in order for for them to survive. So however you want to describe it, God has designed them this way or they have evolved it, but this is just a way that they are designed, and they're looking for these are the three things that that that I believe that they're they're looking for. They're looking for cues of safety, resourcefulness, and competence. What and and so do you agree with that? And let's talk about like let's talk about what like why that is and why that has happened for the for the millennia so that guys can understand that this isn't you know, this isn't them just being shallow or being a you know a princess or or whatever else. Not not that they can't be that way, right? But some of this is just wired. Some of them are aware of it, some of them are not.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's definitely wired in. And it's not just women, men too. Men, we work with status, we look at it differently. The the okay, so in order to talk about status, status innately has comparison built into it. There's no way around it. All status is a matter of we've got, let's say, a hundred people, you know, in a in an outdoor park area. You've got a hundred people in a meadow. Well, who knows how to do what? Who's good at what? Who has what resources? Who's, you know, who's going to be useful? Who's who's going to help us keep alive? Who's going to who's actually, you know, got a bad reputation? If we're all standing there naked, expressionless, and have no relationship to each other, it's a huge blank canvas. And if you think about it, without any particular tools in place, without any indicators of that guy's carrying a spear, or, you know, this woman's got, you know, I don't know, 12 children. With without any of these indicators, every one of us is a blank canvas to somebody else. Status is is is something internal that we have, but we need displays of it. We need indicators of it on the outside, such as, you know, what are you wearing? Um, how many beads do you have on your necklace around your neck, you know, what do you how big is your sphere? Um, how many other people are paying attention to you? All of these are indicators that that indicate to the other people in the group the status. And what it does is it saves us on our most precious resources humans, which is our mental capacity.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Status So let me just say what it is. Go ahead. It's a heuristic. Status is a shortcut to making decisions so that we don't have to make them from scratch every single day. And there's a lot more to say on that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, I well, that it leads into exactly what I was gonna say because I wanted I was gonna dial it down a little bit uh even further. We're always making observations all the time, all day long. And based upon those observations, then we're making judgments all the time. Whether we know it or not, we're making a we're making a judgment. That is just the way that we're and that's what that is the basis of what you were talking about, uh creating a heuristic, which is status, then just is you know, taking all of that and then like putting it into a box, if you will, right? Is that the I I just want to clearly label that for the DAS listing.
SPEAKER_03:Heuristic is a shortcut, it's a way of doing something faster. Rather than having to figure out everything about this man, how much money does he does he have, all of that. If he's drawing a Lamborghini, if he's driving a Lamborghini, I pretty much can make certain assumptions about him. It's a short, it's a shortcut. It allows me to not have to go through the slow, agonizing process of trying to hack into his bank accounts and get you know get his credit score and all that. It's it's a shortcut to getting the information that we need.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And and so what what you just described, which is you're you're looking at a a field of people, and the the one person has, let's say it's a man, has a spear, then and we're talking primarily, that man was probably a warrior. That man probably knew how to protect uh the the woman. And so instead of having to go through that whole judge, she was able to look. That's his status as the warrior. So he was a warrior. She's created that like box of warriors as a status, and it and it and it makes it a much faster process to be able to make these judgment calls around what's happening. And and let's just be clear about judgment, like judgment. I've had this, uh, I had this conversation recently with some friends about judgment and being non-judgmental, uh uh, etc. We are all we are making judgments every day, every second of the day. Now, what we do with those judgments is is is where things happen. But making judgments all the time, that's what keeps us alive. We're judging how fast that car's coming at us. We're judging we're judging every that's where our mind is, our computer brain is is wired.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and you know, a concrete example. If we're in a meadow and let's say, let's say a wild boar comes charging through the meadow towards a group of people, let's say I'm a five foot three woman, not not very built, and I see two men, one of them has a spear, one of them does not. I am obviously going to make the judgment call to jump behind the man with the spear. Because and and it's not just who he is. I mean, that spear is useful. That spear communicates something to me. The other guy might have spears, but he left them at home. Well, what does that tell me about his character? What does that tell me about his his readiness? That that's you know, and and and that judgment call that that I would be making in that situation, it's not that I'm judging one man as being better than another. I'm that I I see judgment as falling into two buckets. One is I'm judging other people, telling them that they're good or they're bad, you know, that they're virtuous or they're or they're or they're sinful. You know, and that's me going around the world, you know, trying to be their parent, telling them how it should be or what they need to do to improve themselves. I would call that toxic judgment. I don't see, I don't see unless somebody's asking me for my insight, my personal point of view, and that and that's in a trusted friendship, that that's different. But if I'm going around judging people because of how I think they should be, that's toxic. Okay, that's one bucket of judgment. The other bucket of judgment is I have to make decisions about my life. I have to make judgment calls for my own well-being and for the well-being of those that are dependent on me.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:Those are healthy judgments. If I don't make those, well, that board charging through the meadow, probably gonna take me out.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, exactly. And so that's why when women are making these decisions or monitoring your your ability to uh provide safety or provide resourcefulness or or or your competence to be able to do that and or any other thing in life, it is just a it's just how they're wired. And and that is and and that's uh resource that helps keep them alive, but it also helps keep the the species alive. That's how we continue, like that's how we continue to reproduce and and will continue to reproduce.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, I I have to jump in here. So one of the absolute fundamental exercises that I do with my clients in coaching is I try to cultivate an appreciation and a compassion for what women are going through. And and the reason is a lot of a lot of men end up pointing the finger at women saying, Well, why are they judging me for this? Why are they why are they expecting this?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And and one of the best ways that I've found to help my clients really become appreciative of women is to first look at their own behavior. If you're frustrated that women are looking at status, if you're frustrated of how they're supposed, you know, supposedly judging and categorizing men and putting us into buckets, okay, take a moment, look at yourself, and and spend this exercise for a few days when you're out in public and ask yourself, how am I actually playing this status game? How am I judging people? It's going to look very different. The the thing that's hard about it is it's like you're the fish in the water, so you don't notice the water. Right. We're we're we're in this status game all the time. We don't notice how we're playing it. We only notice when it's a woman doing it and they're doing it differently than us, then we become aware of it. Or, you know, I'm used to having my status based on wearing Patagonia, you know, hiking gear, and then some guy drives up in you know some sports car, and suddenly I'm now I'm I'm now all prickly inside. And and because because he's now playing some game that's very different than my game.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:So, but but the trick to all of this, and and this is really what it is, is we have to lead by example. We have to look, we have to become self-aware of the game that we're playing with status, because we are all playing it. There is no way, unless you are a psychopath or you know, or really, or you know, or pretty far on the spectrum, and you have a very hard time, you know, reading these social cues. We are all playing status games. And the real and the real game is to find out which game I'm playing and which game they're playing, and to find out whether or not we even want to be playing the same game.
SPEAKER_02:I like I like how you put that, right? Because none of that is bad. None of this game is bad, and game playing and status in and of itself is not bad either. It's just finding the person that you want to play the same game with, that you're playing the same game. Because if if if if it and and we say that in the context, if if you're not translating this, guys, is that that's your value system, like that's your values and your beliefs, and what you want is the game that you're gonna, it's the game of life, if to is what you're gonna be playing. And so you've got to find the person that is going to be most compatible with, or you guys can figure out how to be playing that game together. And status is one of those ways, again, so get wrapping it back up is a shortcut to find that person and to look at that person and see, oh, okay, well, this is maybe somebody, maybe, right? Because unless you go much deeper, then you're you're not really gonna know. Let's let's let's let's pivot because I think we got a good groundwork there in why it is okay. It's just kind of like, okay, go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:There's one little piece I want to add in there, and I want to take it just a little bit deeper. Status really speaks to your identity as a person. I'm the kind of guy that you know that thinks money is evil. So I'm going to play a very different status game than I'm the kind of guy that believes that, you know, that wants to be philanthropic, versus I'm the kind of guy that wants to show off at the strip club and be able to, you know, make it rain, you know, with all the girls around me. Those three guys, they have different behaviors, they have different values, but really they see themselves differently. They have a different identity, they are a different kind of guy. Yes. I just want to throw that piece out there.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, no, that's it. That's a great point. And we haven't talked so much about the the the guy part of it, and we'll we'll we'll we'll see. Maybe we'll we'll dive into that as the complimentary of the women. I'm truly really trying to lay a uh groundwork, or I feel like what we're we're trying to do for the dads is lay groundwork here because what gets miscon there's so much you know misconception around the origin and the reason why this is happening. Like you were talking, we were just talking before about a couple of dates that that we had beforehand. And like you can come away from that stuff bitter and saying, oh, well, she's you know, status conscious or money or whatever, or just understand that she's playing a different game.
SPEAKER_03:But she's not perfectly fine. Okay, but here's the thing. Here's the thing she's not playing a different game. If she was playing a different game and you were fine with it, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Well, no, no, but well, but you can just you can be okay. Well, if her values are the are the game, Dallas, she would be well, she's not playing a different game from the sense that she's playing a game. She's playing a game with a different set of rules.
SPEAKER_03:Well, so so if I'm if I'm upset that some woman, you know, it wants a certain lifestyle, let's say, you know, certain brand names or whatever, and I'm somehow upset by that, I've actually got a split identity going on inside of me.
SPEAKER_02:Part of me wants to- or you just don't know what your what your values are.
SPEAKER_03:That's what I mean by a split identity.
SPEAKER_02:Is that no, no? Well, that's that's we're we're saying the same thing. Okay, okay. I'm making the just the point, and and I guess I didn't quite get there fast enough. Is if you're getting upset with that, then you just don't know what your values are, and you're upset that that that they're that they're different. You shouldn't be upset. It's okay. It's actually a good thing, and it's a good thing early to know that to be like, oh yeah, our games aren't the same. So that's fine, you know, good luck, and you know, we go, we we go our different ways. So I think we're saying the the the the the same the same thing. You you shouldn't, if you do get upset, then that means you have the problem that you need to figure out what your values are because if they're not the same and you didn't like that, then it's not her fault. I mean, she gets to choose.
SPEAKER_03:I would say, I would say if you're getting upset by it, you are playing that game. Or, you know, and you or you want to be winning that game. You yeah, exactly. You wish you were winning that game. Right. So, you know, let's let's take the the social media internet example. You know, all the little trolls, you know, that are that are living in their mother's basements that are saying, you know, the Andrew Tate crowd out there, you know, that are like, I don't have power, I can't get it, the women only want the dudes with the money, you know, all these sorts of things. Okay, well, you you know, and they're saying, you know, this is terrible. They're complaining about a game that they wish they were winning.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, true. That in it, that's the problem. And so if you're feeling anger about this, about somebody else's game that they're playing, it's because part of you at least is is playing that game or wishing you were winning that game, and there's a split inside of you. When you're like, look, I I'm not looking to have a private jet. That's not how it works. In my mind, you know, this is me speaking as Dallas, the world doesn't work if everyone has a private jet. It just doesn't. The world hardly works when everyone has a private car. You know, it just like it it's it's it's really hard. I mean, uh the when I look at American consumption and I look at the square footage that we have for our for you know for our houses per person. If the entire world, you know, in all the other countries lived like this, my gosh, would we be I mean, we'd be we'd be covered in pollution in the atmosphere.
SPEAKER_02:It would be a different world for sure.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it it really, really would be.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And so so, but the the the the trick is to to to see the game that's being played and realize if you're angry about it, it's because you're on the fence. You you either haven't said, you know what, that is not a game I want to play. I'm gonna let other people play it because apparently that's what they like, but that's not the game I want to play. Or I haven't stepped all the way in to that status hierarchy, and I haven't truly committed and said, you know what, I'm gonna win this thing, and I'm All in. The anger is because you're sitting on the fence. You're reluctant to pick a side and say, yes, I want to be this way. No, I want to be this other way.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And that goes back to what you talk about all the time is knowing what your values are, knowing what your beliefs are. Uh we've talked we talk about that every single episode because until you do that, and there's a, you know, there's a great book. I don't know if we've we've talked about it, Dallas. And maybe at some point we can have Sean Smith uh on on the show. He wrote a book. It's called The Tactical Guide to Women. And the first half of that book, he talks just solely about that and and and about how when he was younger, he hadn't even thought about that stuff. And as he got older, that's when he was really able to dial in and meet his wife that he's been with for the rest of his or to date. Right. And and and so I highly recommend if you guys need just a resource. Number first resource is Dallas. You know, get in just getting get involved with the community. And I'm not kidding, like you guys make you guys you guys hear me say it every single week, and I'm just not kidding, because every single week I get to see this guy work with other dads and other guys and the successes and what he brings to the table. And just coaching, we know in general, you get coaching, you get feedback from doctors on stuff. Like if you want to, like Dallas said, if you want what you want, whatever that value system is, get with somebody to get to figure out how to get to that point. And so get with Dallas. But this book is this book is is great. It's the tactical guide to women. And his whole first half is just talking about that. Maybe it'll give the guys some more concept of how to do that and go through that. I want us to to now take it maybe a little bit to to the next level, which is we talked about the biological, the more the social, the the hyperg hypergamy, right? The guys are gonna hear hear on social media hypergamy and women are hypergamous and this and that. And so I feel like there's a big misconception around what hypergamy is with a a woman, uh, in sp in in particular in our modern society, and that is that they're always looking to climb that social status, that they're always trying to go the next step up to the next guy that has the Lambo or the C-suite or like whatever. And I don't that's not what hypergamy is. And and so here's the the definition, and let's dive into that. I don't feel like women want a man that is just that, that they but what they do want and what hypergamy really is, is that they want a man that they can look up to, and not just financially, but in terms of emotional stability, uh decision making, and leadership. Those are kind of the the the three things I feel like women are looking at.
SPEAKER_03:That that sounds that that definitely rings true with me. I think when when we talk about hypergamy, is women like to date across and up on certain socioeconomic uh standards. So all of those indicators of what's your job, what's your salary, what are you driving, what are you flying, all of those are shortcut indicators for us to see externally that this man is someone she can quote unquote look up to. From a status point of view, it's up. So that that makes sense. You're taking it to a deeper emotional level where this is a man she can respect, this is a man she can I I'm gonna say she can sleep well next to because she feels safe. This is a man that she feels she can relax and open up with. This is a this is a man that she can, you know, that she can um really embrace having children with. These are these are all things that yeah, uh that she looks up to. I take it even one step further and bring it down to the simple the simple question of this is a man who who that this woman enjoys her experience when she's with. Admiring a man, when I think, when I think about as a man, when I think about the men that I enjoy being in their company, of course it's because I admire them. And and again, this isn't something that only women experience. This is something that other men experience. If you think about your dudes that you hang out with, your brothers, when you think about why you're with them, why they light you up, why you would choose to spend your time with them, it's because they have traits and they have built certain elements of character that you admire. This is not just with women. And this is the secret. I mean, this is where I came up with my 14 core elements of masculinity. It that I didn't look at women at all to find them. I looked at myself and how I experience a dynamic with a masculine man. How do I look up to them? And all of that tell I know everything I need to do, I know everything I need to know when I look at my experience when I'm in their presence. And that and that for me is what it really comes down to at the core is and and because if if women look at a guy that's less developed and they can't really admire them, the the experience is small, it's petty, it's boring, it it runs out of juice, it doesn't have a lot of fuel to it.
SPEAKER_02:Right. And and women experience more through feeling than men do. So that's that's important to point out. Creating that experience for them, that feeling experience. And we just know that. Like they they bear children, like all of this and how they mother, like we see this in like all the dynamic of of how they are and and how they use well, most of them show up. That's a whole different whole different topic in modern day society. But but it's all it's very it's very feeling oriented, it's very feelings-based. So if you're creating that feeling of what are what were the three, of of emotional stability, uh, of of good decision making, of leadership, then she's going to want to be with you. And let's not, and let's also, because you talked about the the date across and and up socioeconomically, and men typically are gonna date across and down. And and they don't and they don't socially social econom and social econom socially economically. And and go ahead.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I was just gonna say, when when men date across and down, it makes it easier for the woman to look up to us.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. Okay, that's where I was okay. You were getting where I was gonna get to. But that's that is why that is why that happens, right? And and part of our challenges in modern day society is that women have really taken on more of a masculine nature and working and their socioeconomic baseline, if you will, is is moved and men's is not moved. And so we're we're dealing with men and women that are that are experiencing all of what we just described biologically and and socially, that are it's like all mixed up, and they're very, very confused around it.
SPEAKER_03:But there's but there's kind of a simple solution to the not. And that is I love simple solutions, right? Okay. Yes, you do, yeah. So so it so I I I like how you've uh you've turned this around to hypergamy is basically about admiration. Yeah, hypergamy is women want to admire a man. Well, if if money and salary is not where admiration is going to take place, shift the game. Find the other places in which they will admire. They admire your physique, you know, because you're you're trim and fit in in an American society that is terribly overweight. Or you're you know, you're you're very still and quiet and grounded in your mind, but very alive at the same time. Well, they can definitely, that's something that they can definitely admire. They can admire your uh your ability to listen and be emotionally intelligent and and receptive and grounded when when you're in a conversation with them. They're like, oh man, I haven't met another guy that that that is this good at listening and making me feel heard. It's not it, it's how they're experiencing it, but they look back at you and they think, wow, you are because so admiring somebody and looking up to them, that that has an innate status in it. They you are doing it better than other guys. Yeah, that's the trick. But play a different admiration game. Stop playing the social media game of admiration and find other ways for them to experience something that they're like, oh man, I want to be with Jude. Because just I I admire the way he dot dot dot dot.
SPEAKER_02:I want to you I want to give an example of that. I uh I have had and and continue to have many friends who are missionaries. And missionaries, especially there's just there's not, it's not there's not a lot of money in being a missionary. You have a you have a you have a specific uh uh spiritual and and religious goal that is that is that is associated with that. But I can say the marriages of these missionaries and the women that have married my my male friends that are missionaries are 100% dedicated. And these men are leaders, right? They're they're leading into places and doing things that very few people in the world are willing to do. And it has nothing to do with what traditional status symbols would be around what we are experiencing in Western culture. It is all based in what this is, their emotional stability, their their decision making in difficult and challenging places in the world that they might be traversing, and particularly their leadership of how to do all this without a lot of resources and have a family and do that. So it is absolutely amazing to watch some some of these men, but that's a and and maybe that's an extreme example to what you're talking about. But not at all. It's okay.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, no, no, no, you're saying they don't have you're saying they don't have a lot of resources. They do they might not have a lot of monetary resources, monetary resources, human capital, yeah, inspiring others to follow you. I mean, Gandhi, from what I understand, did not have a whole lot of money, but he had a whole lot of people. That's right, you know, and and in the end, money is only there to motivate people to do things. Yeah, and if you so if you're bypassing the money and you're motivating and inspiring people, you you have you have quite a lot of resources actually at your at your availability. What it is though is these missionaries you're talking about, they're playing a whole different status game.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:You know, they're playing it in a different different domain, and and this is this is the real kicker, is that all these status games basically fall into two buckets. One of them is healthy, the other one is not. And and you know the difference because yeah, the status games that are a zero-sum game, you know, and status is up or down. So if if in if I'm playing a status game of money where I have the private jet and not everybody can have a private jet, that means I'm in the elite top 0.1% of people in the world, and a whole lot of people, a whole lot of people have to be under me in order for me to have that position.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_03:So that means I win and a lot of people lose. That's a zero-sum game. That's a toxic, that's a toxic status game.
SPEAKER_04:Right.
SPEAKER_03:The missionary example that you're giving, their spiritual depth, their devotion to a higher power, their desire to transform people's awareness and lives and and and and open up their hearts to loving the their fellow men and women around them, that is not a zero-sum game. That's the opposite. That is what you would call. Well, I I've heard these terms actually used. The toxic status one is based on dominance. I have to be on top of somebody else. The other one, one of the words I've heard used is prestige. Is the healthy status game is I have a lot of prestige, but there's no but that does not preclude anyone else from also having prestige. My whole point as a, let's say, professor is to is to enlighten the intelligence and in and and and feed into other people a higher level of consciousness because everybody benefits in the tribe when we get there.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. That's very, that's very well said. And I like that. Well, you know, uh, you know that I like when you make things very clear in boxes or rules, etc. So I I I I do like that. But that then helps the dads, I think, listening, come put you know, determine what their values are. And we're not saying that that's bad. If you want the zero sum and that's what your life is about, there's and there's lots of there's lots of there's lots of guys in the world that operate by that. I Elon Musk comes to to to mind, right? Like he's one of those guys that's operating kind of in in in that in that box, if you will. And he's doing great things in in the world and for the world. It's not my box that I'm operating in. I'm in I'm in the the other box, but just know figure out what your box is.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And let's bring it back to the women for a minute. When we were talking about, you know, feeling judged and judging. And again, I it's a real slippery slope that we can go down. But I I think it's fair to apply this lens when we're looking at a woman, and we have to ask ourselves, are they playing a dominance hierarchy game? Or are they playing a really healthy prestige status game? And they're gonna say it's prestige. They're they're of course gonna try to make it all be virtuous, but you have to ask yourself, is there is somebody else can everybody win at this game and and still play the same game?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. So, you know, you know, when you when you meet a woman, you know, and you're saying that's the determining factor of whether they're playing the prestige game or the zero sum game is yeah, can everybody play and everybody win? Yes, or is there have to be a definitive winner and a definitive loser? If there are losers, it's not a prestige game or a respect game or whatever you want to do.
SPEAKER_03:It's a sustainable game. That game is gonna come to an end. And and what it is is once everyone starts playing that game, then the people that were the winners move and they change the rules and it becomes a new status game. You know, this has happened throughout history. You know, it used to be that, you know, before 1969, when the first quartz watch came on the market, it used to be that Rolex and Omega and all of those watch manufacturers would compete to be the most accurate timepiece. Well, the minute you throw out a quartz crystal, you know, that that now you can get a watch for 10 bucks, you know, that is a hundred times more accurate than any of those handmade spring round watches ever were, right? Well, suddenly the accuracy of the watch isn't what matters. So they change the status game. Once everybody can once everybody starts winning the game, certain people have to move to a new status game where not everybody can win. That's what you're asking yourself. Is this is this person playing a game where everybody can win, which is the missionaries that you're talking about? Or is this person playing a game where there's an elitism and other people have to be below them in order for them to feel like they're winning?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Okay. So we I would like to take this now into then talking about this, what status the divorced dads are, right? And and I think before we do that, and but it'll lead into uh into it, is introducing the concept of pre-selection. That is part of what we're what women are doing in all of what we just described, this whole process of what we just described. And because you have been married before, you have been vetted already. So that's actually by uh by other women, right? So that's that's a positive thing. What that does is it's it creates less uncertainty around you. You're not a gamble, right? You've proven you can commit, you've proven you can build a home, you've proven you are capable of long-term partnership. So automatically, guys, and you may not, and I didn't realize this, and you may not realize, you have automatically put yourself in a status place that is different than than a ton of other guys that are out there. Let's just put it that way.
SPEAKER_03:And and and the label, uh generally speaking, for all the other guys that have never been married is Peter Pan. Yeah, okay. That's that's how that's how women tend to see it. And you know, and because I've never been married, women really wonder like, so does Dallas have commitment issues? Does is Dallas not really, is he just playing around? You know, what is it? And and they, you know, and I'm I mean, and any woman that gets to moan to know me lets go of those, you know, those beliefs and those questions quite quickly. But when when we first meeted and they and they sort of learn my stats, they're like, oh, so you know, you're Peter Pan, why? What's up? Now, if I said no, I was married for eight years, that like dissolves all of that question. It's okay, you got married when you were young, like a lot of people, you know, you went to it and wasn't the right person. You you learned something, didn't things didn't work out. But but yeah, it should it show it it um it dispels the idea that you are an irresponsible free spirit boy who just look into right.
SPEAKER_02:And so when you and so you you mentioned the the questions, and I was you know, I was going to lead into you in the questions that you might get. And so let's let's talk about that because we I we get I we get them as divorced dads, right? And they're probably mostly the same questions, like have you been married? Because you can have kids and and a dad and and not have been married. So that is one, and and yes or or no. So yeah, I want to bring it back to the to the biological point of this. When we're getting these questions, yes, right, and and sometimes some women aren't real great at it and doing it, and some of them come in attorney style, right? And and you feel like you're in a deposition, you know, the first date deposition, I call it, right? And it's like, oh shit. Can we take a can I, you know, can we take a recess here and I'll take a have a breather and a drink. But when when they're doing that, it's like so it goes back to those cues of of safety, right? The the biological stuff, resourcefulness, uh, competence, those those three things that that I brought up earlier. And when you you know, when you have committed to something, then there is a there is a sense of of of safety around that because you've already you've already committed to that that protector, right? That's what I'm gonna get to next. That that protector and provider mindsets uh of of uh of marrying somebody, and then you had kids, and now you're doing that with them. So what you've just done is like you have taken that whole by that but that one question that she's asked you, even if it is DA style in a deposition, you have just you have just raised yourself in a in a status place, unwittingly. You didn't know you like you went through all this hell of divorce and everything else, but you have just put your yourself in a different place of status in that woman's mind automatically.
SPEAKER_03:Yep. Her question is a shortcut to her getting the information. Information. Right. And when you give her the information, you are taking a shortcut to that status in her mind of saying of showing her what you want, of showing, of proving that you have a track record of committing and and and stepping into it. Yeah. Take the shortcut, fellas. You guys in my position, I don't have that shortcut. I can't say, well, I was married for eight years and all of that. So it gives you a shortcut up. Now, you want to be sure you don't suddenly stumble back down shoots and ladders style. Please. By being by then griping about your past marriage or griping about your ex today. Take the win and and it's you know, and something to the effect of, you know, I did everything I could to make it work, and I just couldn't make it work. And the truth is, I want to be with somebody that I can make it work with. Something like that will will stick the landing of that shortcut and keep you at that higher status.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Basically, you're saying don't start bitching on the first date about your ex and everything that went wrong, et cetera. Don't I would go, you know me, Dallas. I would go as far as saying, like, have something that you just that you've either worked on with your therapist or Dallas or somebody that helps you be or me that gets you that that you know that you can express in a genuine, authentic way. Because if you are bitter and pissed off and going like and you come up with it just didn't work out, it's just not gonna, it's not gonna hit. And then you are gonna, you might, you know, you might might not be diving off that cliff, but you're gonna be rolling down that hill of of the status that you could otherwise have just established right there. And then the other thing I want to say is we get the I get this all the time. Like, should I put out kids on my on my dating profile, or should I say I was married or that I'm divorced? And because there's so that us dads, we have a lot of shame around this stuff. So we this is and this is why I wanted us to talk about this today, is because I want to flip the script on this because the there I understand, I understand as much as anybody any other dad out there the shame that comes with it. That was like the biggest crippling thing for me in uh in the in the beginning. But there is a flip side to to all of that, and that is this. And my answer is yes, you should put that I am divorced and that I have kids, because it helps you then for the women that are in that prestige box that are looking for the same values that that you have and want to play the same game that you are playing, you've automatically like you know, you've gone halfway down the down the game board just because of that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. Totally true. And the other thing about having kids, and that this is this is an amazing statistic, is according to the Human Genome Project, out of the entire history of Homo sapiens of humans, 70% of women have procreated. So seven out of ten women have had kids. For men, it's 40%. Right. So less than half of all the men, human men that have ever lived, less than half of them got to procreate. When you put on your dating profile, I procreated, I got kids. Guess what? You're one of the survivors. You're you're one of the men that will that will prov that the future generations will be a descendant of. Yep. The majority of men are not you. You're the you bagged the prize. You got to pass on your genetic material. Own that shit. You know, that that that is a that is a mark of honor. You tricked a woman into marrying you and having kids with you. Congratulations, buddy. Own it, flaunt it, and show other women, look, I did it to them, I can do it to you.
SPEAKER_02:Well, and we're I just want to keep emphasizing we're not, we're we're not, that's not even working at the conscious level, guys. We're working at the subconscious level, the the biological way in which she is designed, right? And so just by putting that on your profile, just by having a uh a truthful and and authentic conversation uh about your marriage and how long you are married and how many kids you have, you are automatically right there demonstrating safety, resourcefulness, and competence. Like it's all you automatically have like skipped ahead in the game from, like you said, the 60% of other men that are in the world.
SPEAKER_03:That that is if the man, if if the dad on his profile and when he meets the woman in person, if he is really owning it and sticking the landing, saying, I am proud of these accomplishments, I'm proud of these decisions, I am proud of my history, and I'm and I own all of it positively. That's the trick. No, yeah, now let me ask this to you, dude, because I think I and and because and I'm I'm saying I want to ask you because you have more insight into one of the doubts that can creep into a dad's mind on this. I I I hear this from women, but they're saying it consciously. And here we're talking about also subconscious motivations. I think a lot of the guys, the dads out there might be worried that the woman wants a guy that is less encumbered and they can have more fun and they can go out there and do the fun things, and they they don't want the complications of the kids. Is that is that a very fair, a very fair description of one of the doubts that a single dad has?
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely absolutely. And so I feel like as a as a dad, just getting back into the game, there's a scarcity mentality. And the scarcity mentality is, oh my God, what am I gonna do now? I'm mid-30s or 40s or 50s or or whatever. I'm I don't understand everything that you and I are talking about to today, and she's not gonna like me. And so I want to move in whatever direction that I can get her to like me without knowing and understanding the fact that there are going to be women like that. There's a segment of the population of women that are going to be like that. They're gonna they might not have kids and they might not want to have kids, and they or they might be post-kids and they want to just travel around and they might be, like you said, that's in in that status box of zero-sum game that they want. Somebody that's gonna, you know, the the the fifty shades of gray, put them on the plane and then do everything else. With like, you know, that that's the helicopter that pick them up in the helicopter. Yeah, whatever. I don't I didn't read the book. So so so so, yeah. So we're in a scarcity mentality, and then and then sometimes it is as simple as we're getting some female attention. I don't want to screw this up, right? Because you have not had any kind of female attention, some of the some guys, for maybe decades, right? And this is so exciting that literally your nervous system is like is overload and wrecked. What you and I are talking about today didn't even register. The fact that she's like showed up on the date and said you and remembered your name was like holy shit. And I remember being like this too. Like at one point I was I had been on a date with with a woman and and she had mentioned something that I said on a previous date. And I was like, wow, this is amazing. She remembers what I said, like that was how desperate I was for just somebody that would would tune in enough to remember something from several dates later, right? And so that was how low my bar was, Dallas. So expect, you know, like think about that, and then my dating pool of women and who I chose at that point, and then now it's evolved, you know, through through doing a lot of the work that we talk about here, but mostly through well, doing that, but uh also through a lot of trial and and error. So so it's it's pretty it's pretty convoluted. And that's why I try when we're when we're talking here with the with the dads, it's a it's a process here. I understand like you're not gonna just automatically so so when you're like, you know, it's gotta be an invitation, and I'm like, holy shit, dude. Like that's why I'm trying to think of shortcuts all the time for guys because I remember like, dude, I can't I can't figure up upside down on inside out.
SPEAKER_03:So let me let me just I I wanna I want to re I want to roll it back for for a minute to the the woman wanting the man who's unencumbered and and has lots of availability to have fun. You're right, there's a certain percentage that's just what what certain women are looking for. But again, what women want, that that's they're looking for the experience in which they can feel free. They can feel lighthearted, they can feel happy, they can feel carefree. That's that's what the woman's really looking for. Oh, he has kids. That's probably not gonna happen. Oh, that guy doesn't have kids. That's probably gonna be easier for me to have that experience with him. Okay, right. That that's a that's a that's an item on a resume, on a profile that that woman is using as a shortcut to try to filter for you know for the experience she's going to get. Okay, you can rewrite that. I do this all the time. Having never been married, any woman that goes on a date with me knows that I'm not a Peter Pan. She can feel it inside. She knows the experience in my presence that I'm absolutely a very grounded, established, serious man. Um they they simply know that. You as a single dad want to essentially give them the the reassurance, the experience very quickly of no, in my presence, you're going to feel very carefree. And actually, the fact that I have kids, that's actually makes it easier because I'm more grounded. In in order for the feminine to really be able to like blossom in the flower and really be carefree to, you know, kind of like helium in a balloon for her to really, you know, just soar as high as she wants, she needs that tether, she needs that rock down on the ground that is firmly grounded, that she can, that she can rely on. Somebody who's a dad understands what that is. You can demonstrate it, you can flex it by talking about your, you know, your your your fathering, about your being a parent. You can flex that for her. And and when she sees that, part of her relaxes. And when she relaxes, then that feminine energy comes out. If she meets the other, if she meets the male counterpart to her that just wants to be lighthearted and playing and having fun, that's gonna get old really quick. Because he's probably not gonna commit. He's probably not going to provide the groundedness. She's gonna even she's going to realize really the error of her ways, and she's gonna realize, nope, I need a grounded man. That's the only way that my feminine nature can truly be effervescent is by having a nice solid man next to me that provides all of that masculine frame.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think that's a challenge these days in the dating, in the dating world, Dallas, in general, and particularly for dads, because the there are so many ways in which all of us, any individual, can become distracted in their in their lives. And we see this through whatever it might be, tra travel, it could be video games, it could be it could be a substance, it could be a video or scrolling, like social media, like whatever, whatever it might be. And I and I feel like women are more susceptible to these distractions, and these distractions then become part of that status filter that that they that they utilize. So I agree with everything that that you say. I would just caution the dads to, especially those of us that are codependent, that was that was me, right? That if that is a that seems to be a status filter for her, don't try to change your mind. Like you if if if you're just working through like what you said, which is she just wants it to be fun and she wants to have fun, like we said in the beginning, and I want to have fun too, right? And and then she realizes that because of all the reasons that and you and you bring all the other things that you just described, that's great. But if you're gonna try to change her mind around it, and you should be able to figure this out pretty quickly, don't do it. You've got a limited amount of time and resources, which I want to get into to hear next, kind of that the filtering process, because as dads, we've got so much on on our plate, which is what is making you really, really attractive. But you need to have the right person in your life because I will tell you it is an it can be a nightmare if you do not. And and I know that scares a lot of a lot of guys. I'm gonna I want us to I want us to talk about this. So we might go a little bit long. I want to talk about that that filtering process, but I want to talk about just a couple of other and we touched on them a couple other reasons so that the dads can just really take to heart and hear why it is that just them showing up as a divorced dad that they've just already elevated themselves to a status uh above so many other men. Uh the the other one is the emotional maturity. And and you talked some about uh some about that, right? Going through divorce forces men to deal with life and whatever part of that life it is that you're having to deal with, it for it's it's you are literally forged in in fire. And then dads, and because we're guys, oftentimes that post-divorce glow-up, if you will, or figuring out just really helps you to get tuned in to your mental emotional states, makes you more resilient, makes you more self-aware, and and and and look, heartbreak helps you again, it's forged into fire, it makes you stronger going forward. And so it just automatically, again, brings you to a different level, like you talked about Peter Penn. And your challenge is you've got to convince her that you're not Peter Penn. I don't have to do that. I've been through hell and and and I've had my heart broken, and I've gone through this divorce, and I've come out on it, and I can show up and I can have fun with you, and I can show you a good time and all of that. Dude, I I don't have to do any of that. I don't have to say a word about that.
SPEAKER_03:You've graduated. Yeah. You finished the class. You you got the degree of you know the the school of hard knocks. You came out the other side, you're you are now uh no disillusioned isn't the word, but you're you're known you're no longer living in a you know the the rose-colored glasses have come off, and and you are you are definitely more you know what the real world is more about. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. And that's that speaks to something primal in women, probably more than anything else that that that that we've what that we've talked about. Because then it goes back to that to your ability to commit, build a house, build a home or an environment, whatever you want to call it, and then commit to something long-term. And let's let's talk about that for a second, too, because because that I feel like is diminished in in general in our society. But I've I genuinely feel that both men and women are designed to be in relation with each other and to be in relation with the with somebody over the long term. I'm not talking from uh from a from a religious precept or concept. I believe that that's a design that we in hate when we innately, like we talked about with the biology of wanting safety, resourcefulness, and competence. If we don't have that with somebody, we either only have that in spurts, which makes us very uncomfortable or or anxious, which might be one of the reasons why we have so much anxiety going on, uh at the at the very the very least, or the very worst, it it just could makes your life completely unstable. And we've met those people, both guys and girls, that that just can't can't do that. And so I want to I just want to recognize that if that is your because we had a guy we had uh we had a guy on the call last night was like like I'm design like well he didn't say he's designed, I'm saying, I'm saying we're designed. He said I've been I've been um conditioned to to to to want that or to to do that. I believe that we are designed to to want that. So if you want that guys again after your divorce, that is completely, completely normal. I have wanted that since since day one after my divorce.
SPEAKER_03:I I agree. I think uh I think you know that there's obviously you know outlier exceptions with people, but I do believe that most people are well regulated. I think there's a lot of research to show that people live longer, um, people do better financially, people, you know, lead happier lives when they are not alone. Yeah. And, you know, when I look at when I look at the end of life, you know, I I I do something I call the old man test. You know, I look at how late I'm staying up tonight or what I'm working on or what or you know, if I said yes to an experience, I give it the old man test and I ask myself, okay, when when Dallas is 96 years old and he's looking back on this, am I gonna, you know, am I gonna be glad that I stayed up that late or said yes to the experience? Or am I gonna go, nah, I wish I'd gone home and been more responsible?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I ask myself, so I I'm gonna give this the old man test. When I'm 96 years old, do I want to be with a woman that I've been with for the last 30 years and she's there under the blanket with me on the couch in front of the fire? Or does old man Dallas want to be by himself under the blanket on the couch in front of the fire?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I don't I think it's pretty obvious that most people want to end up there with somebody else.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Even if all you're doing is holding each other's hand and trying, you know, and and reminiscing about things that have passed, because you know there's not that much runway ahead of you anymore. Even when that's the case, I think pretty much every there with the ex with a few exceptions, I think pretty much everybody out there knows that they want to be there with someone else.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Yeah. So this so this and and I say it because you you again on social media you get this free agency mindset or the the spinning plates idea or or like any of these guys that are that are talking about this and and why it doesn't make sense anymore, this and that, and blah, blah, blah. And it's just biologically, we're not wired that way. You know, I I I like your your uh your visioning, right? Of what's this look like. I've got like right outside, I've got windows right here in my office, right outside my windows. There's an old couple that walks every single day, two or three times a day. So it is absolutely and and and it's fantastic because every time if I'm immersed in something, I will just stop. And it's literally a 10, just a 10 second. Reminder to me to just I'm just watching them walk by in my window, going, that is just freaking amazing. And they do it like every single day in the middle of winter, they're doing it. They take a walk together at least once a day. Sometimes it's they're individual, but once a day. And it's like, that's what I want. Like when I'm that age, that's what I want. I don't want to be this whole free agent mindset. I don't want to be this, you know, spinning plates thing. That doesn't that's okay, guys. Like, just understand it's okay. It might be scary for you to be thinking like that again post-divorce, especially once you've gone through something. But I promise you that you can find that, you can find a healthy relationship again and and and experience that. And so let's just finish up here. We're gonna go a little bit long, guys, but I think it's well, well, well worth it, definitely. Let's just talk about protecting protecting that status now that you've got automatically built in, right? The the the first, and and we've alluded to this a couple of times, is that mindset, that mindset shift, pivoting to you, dads. We need to pivot that mindset to act like high status, not just have it in your mind, right? So high status men do not beg for attention, they filter for fit. Okay. So we've been talking about this the whole time, and I'm I'm just trying to to like put this into some some words for you. The fit is the game, right? So if you if you're showing up, and and and here's it, and and here's the thing, guys. We I meant I alluded earlier to working with somebody to change or get an outcome that you want. If you want to change that mindset that you that you've got, get with Dallas, because this is what Dallas does with guys all the time is help put you in that mindset. So it's easy for me to say, hey guys, you know, pivot to how dads need to act high status. High status men do not beg for attention. They filter for fit, right? Okay, but how do I get myself into a mindset to do that, especially after what you've been through?
SPEAKER_03:So the first thing you need to do is to realize there are different games being played around status. And you want to become aware. Don't try to play all the games, you can't. Choose the games that fit with you, make it a part of your identity as a man. That's how you stick that. That's how you show up with confidence. Confidence comes from your own identity. And and part of your identity is I'm saying yes to this and I'm saying no to all of those things. That's how you filter. I'm saying yes to this and I'm saying no to that. Some woman shows up wearing a Versace watch and that's what it is, and there's a little something inside of me that goes, Oh, I wish I could be the guy. It's like, hang on, Dallas, which game are you playing? Yeah, stick it. What is your real identity? Not I'm she's filtering me out. I'm filtering her out. That is not where I want my resources to go. That is not where my values are. That's not what I want to teach my kids.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:That this is so you so so you're you're the before you can filter the women and before you can show up with confidence, you have to become aware and you have to do the work inside to realize what is the status game or games plural that you're really playing and that you really want to win. And then you want to step in and commit so that you actually are on the path to raising your status on those game boards.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, exactly. And so you've you've got to be, you've got to be assessed. So this is the way that I want I I would like the dads to to to think about this, is that it's a prize, uh I'm calling it prize mentality, right? So instead of what I described in when I was just first showing up, like, oh my gosh, she's just she's listening to like and remember like remembering something I said, like that was how desperate I was, just for some somebody. Like, you've got to understand that you and stop hoping that she likes you and start assessing if she fits into your life and and in the life that you've created in an environment with you and your kids' lives, right? Because that's gonna be part of it. So if and and so automatically, if she plays games, that's it. I mean no, that's not gonna fit. If she's disrespectful, doesn't respect your schedule, whatever. I just move on, guys. Don't waste the freaking time.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And and if you're showing up asking her to validate you, that that's dependent. Yeah, that that's that's looking for something from her, that's gonna be a burden because it it is an inherently an insecurity. What you want, what every woman wants to be with is a winner. Nothing says nothing says status more than I won the race. I won whatever it was. And and you can do that through, you know, public displays where you're actually having a race of some kind somewhere. And that's what that's what these symbols are, the Lamborghinis and the C-suite. You won the race. Congratulations, you won the race. Well, what what they want though is they want to be with the blue ribbon winner.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I need to find on my own, without without needing the the the toxic dominance hierarchy of the status, I need to find the heart of the winner in myself as a man. I need to bring that to my interaction with the woman and present to her what a winner looks and feels like. She's in the presence of a winner, she experiences being with a winner. This is what it feels like. If I'm asking her to provide all of that, I'm not providing it. It's that simple. We have to find what game we're playing, and then we need to get ourselves on track and in alignment so that we can show up with the heart of a winner, because every woman wants to be with the winner.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And that's why we talk about, we've talked about in the past, taking the time before you start dating to do that. Maybe go through all the seasons, get your just your life in order, period, and schedules and stuff, but then work on exactly what you designed. Create, and and Robert Glover talks about this in in his uh book, No More Mr. Nice Guy, a lot of time, creating that life that is that like beautiful cake, right? You want to create that life in that environment and then see and then invite her into it. And it and if it's awesome, because and it can be awesome without her liking it too. Just understand, it's awesome to you and it's awesome to your kids, and you really enjoy it. You're gonna find somebody that's gonna be attracted, uh attracted to that. And that's where it goes back to where you were talking about these all these status filters. That's when all these status filters start to go away, and she's like, Well, he, you know, I thought I didn't want to be with a guy with kids. Well, man, this is pretty fun, and you know, and all those other things, and then and then it just becomes automatic, guys. But it all starts with you, your mentality, doing the work, creating, and and and then capitalizing on that automatic status that you've got built in that goes to her primal desires and needs, and taking it from there. And that is, guys, where I want to wrap this up and say that is why you start at a higher value than most of the rest of the guys. What did you say? 40%, like 40%, so more than 60% of the other guys that are on the market there. You have just leapfrogged all of that. You had no idea, you didn't think about it, you didn't plan that necessarily, right? And there you are right there at that top, more than top half of opportunities. So go in with that and utilize that. And give us the last word on that, Dallas.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, just uh the last word I just want to point out that women have a lot of thoughts going around in their head, a lot of a lot of images, a lot of pictures, a lot of clicking, a lot of a lot of words, you know, that are going around. And to your point, all of that, once they step into the experience that they really want, they're like, actually, this is what I want. Actually, this this clicks with me. And that's based on her experience. Her thoughts and her experience are not the same. Focus on the experience because ultimately women respond to the experience that they're having. Don't worry about her thoughts. And this is why a lot of times I say don't try to engage too much in the conversations that's engaging with the thoughts. Bypass the thoughts, focus on the experience, focus.
SPEAKER_01:It's so hard for guys. Oh, it's hard for everybody. It's hard to hard for guys. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:When, but when you focus on the experience, and again, you've created, you've curated this experience. When she when she steps on into the room with you, she's like, Oh, I'm in, I'm in Jude's experience of life now. I don't remember what I thought I wanted before. I want Jude because I want what I experience and feel when I'm with Jude. That's the that's the trick. It ain't easy. It no way is it easy, and it's a lifelong job. And if we and whenever we start to fail, women will point it out. Like it is it's that's their job. That's their job, yeah. They respond. Oh, we're responding to failure now on the part of the man. Yeah, that's there to tell us it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Right. And just take that as feedback. It's not failure, it's feedback. So if you can reframe, and that's a whole nother podcast, right? If you can reframe your mind and it wasn't failure, it was feedback, and now you can do better. Yeah, you know, you won't get butthurt, you won't get snippy, you won't play passive aggressive games, you'll just do better and then you know lead her back into the stable, if you will. So, all right, that was awesome. That was awesome, Dallas. Guys, hey, we've got one big thing of note. First, if you enjoyed what you heard, leave us a comment, give us a star rating. Man, we had the most downloads last week that we've ever had. So it the show is growing. We appreciate it. That's a credit to you guys. Keep tuning in. Share it with your other divorce dads. You can share this with other guys too. They don't have to be divorced. Let's just say that because all of what we talk about, we we put together in the concept of divorce and from a lens of divorce. But these basics, like the biological basis and societal reasons women show up and what they want, that's all across the board. So share with your single friends. You might be doing them a favor. And look, hey, you're the prize. So you tell them, hey, you know, if you want to get to my status, do you want to get to my status? You need to listen to this show and and then we can talk about some things and I'll help you out. So do that. And then we've got coming up next month, we're gonna do a live, live in-person Q ⁇ A with with Dallas here in the Denver metro area. So if you're in the Denver metro area on February 19th, we're gonna be we're gonna be doing that live, that live Q ⁇ A in person. You can go to the divorcedavicate.com and go to the events page. We got it listed there. You don't have to sign up, you just show up. We're gonna have a lot of fun talking about this stuff. But hey, then we're gonna be also in a place with women. So we're gonna have some fun with all of Dallas's brilliance with women. So show up, it's gonna be fun, it's gonna be a great thing, and then finally go check out blackboxdating.com and really up your up your game. And then you want to take your status from where you got automatically to the next level. Dallas is the man to help you with that.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you, dude. I appreciate that. Yeah, we have a weekly mastermind session on Wednesday evenings where we say all the stuff that we we can only say when the women are not around. Come on in, join it. We've got a 14-day free trial, and uh you can check it out risk-free and uh and see whether or not you like it. Jude, I love I love that you bring such relevant questions to the show every week. Uh I love how you provide that structure, that masculine frame to these discussions. It's uh it is such a service. And yeah, this has been so much fun. Looking forward to next week. Talk to you then.
SPEAKER_00:Thanks, Dallas.
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