41 - Stop Chasing a Six Pack and Start Building Real Confidence

If you’re a dad dating after divorce, the loudest advice online usually points to vanity: get shredded, flex harder, post the perfect Hinge photo. We’re not buying it. Real confidence is built when you can rely on your body, your routines, and your leadership at home, especially when life feels chaotic and your mind won’t shut off.

We talk about why physical fitness is the easiest “first domino” for divorced dads: it’s concrete, measurable, and it pulls you out of overthinking. We break down the difference between confidence and arrogance, why chasing a six pack is a trap for most men over 30, and how women often read extreme gym bro energy as self-absorption instead of strength. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is capability, calm, and the kind of grounded masculinity your kids can copy and your dates can feel.

From there, we get practical about fitness routines that actually fit real life: micro workouts, calisthenics at home, sports with friends, outdoor work, and getting active with your kids. Then we shift to nutrition and fat loss without gimmicks using a calorie budget, a moderate calorie deficit, and the staples-versus-feasting mindset so your results last. We also call out alcohol for what it is: fast calories that can wreck progress when it becomes habitual.

If you want more energy for parenting, better confidence for dating apps, and a healthier family culture you can sustain, hit play. Subscribe, share this with a dad who needs a reset, and leave us a rating and review so more men can find the show.

Transcript

Cold Open And Divorce Fog

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hello, and welcome to Dad's Dating After Divorce, the only podcast helping you build enough core strength to suck it in for a hinge photo without throwing your back out. My name is Jude Sandoval. I am the divorced advocate, founder of the Divorce Dadvocate, and my co-host is Dallas Bluth, founder of Black Box Dating. Dallas, it just makes me happy to get you to chuckle every single week, once a week, with my opening ridiculous statement about dads.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

I hope everyone listening is looking forward to it because I'm really looking forward to it now every week. I know you do. I have no idea what's going to come out of your mouth. That one was really good. It like brought in so many different angles that are so true. But yeah, yeah. Core strengths, suck it in. Absolutely.

unknown 1:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

I'll be here all week, right? I know you stay up most Tuesday nights before we record on Wednesdays thinking, what is he going to say? What are we going to talk about? I'm so excited. I won't, I won't lie.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

You know, I do lose, I do lose a little bit of my beauty sleep thinking about what's this joke gonna be. Yeah.

Fitness As The First Win

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Right. All right. Well, what I what what we're going to be talking about this week is we we talk a lot about that time post-divorce. Well, and some of us, like myself, during divorce, where we have that divorce fog and we start dating, and it's kind of like, you know, what's what's happening? We're stressed out because of the legal battle, or just hopefully done with the legal battle. We're not quite knowing where we're at, what things are, how things are happening. And so we have talked a lot about getting ourselves in a place, building that foundation so that then you can really start to show up on the dating scene and bring your full the full breadth of who you are, like all the amazing stuff that that you bring to it. And and today I wanted to talk about one real quick, easy, simple way to do that. And that's just through physical fitness, right? Like that has a multiplier effect in in anybody's life, but particularly like dads that have just gone through post-divorce, because hey, let's be, let's be, let's be honest. I'm gonna be honest here for a second. There are a million things that can distract us or or or keep us from really paying attention to what we need to be paying attention at this time. It can be scrolling, it can be poor diet, it can be food, it can be whatever it is. And so getting into physical fitness and start, maybe starting that as your first thing is a foundational element to then moving to some of the more of the other stuff that that we talk about can be really an easy, easy entry point into this whole process. Thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah, taking action is is the threshold. We can think all day long about what we would like to be, how we'd like to think of ourselves. We can come up with answers, we can come up with excuses, we can we can do so much, and it's all happening inside the head. Everything changes once you take that car out on the road and you start driving it, and that's the physical body. When you get back to a fitness routine, being physical, whether it's walking, jogging, going to the gym, playing sports with your buddies, whatever it is, doesn't matter. When you start actually getting into your physical body, everything changes, and and our thoughts and and understandings and feelings about the world suddenly start to move.

Why Chasing A Six Pack Fails

SPEAKER_00 3:55

Yeah. And and I want to frame this for I want to frame this for for dads because I know for me there was a shift uh that really needed to happen from physical fitness post-divorce to physical what physical fitness looked like. Well, from what physical fitness looked like pre-marriage and what physical fitness did or did not look like during the the marriage to post uh divorce. And and I want that to be less of getting physically fit to um to looking for dates or attracting dates, because on social media that's all like God, with like that's everywhere, right? And and and more of being ready and capable for your kids because you are fit you are in physically in good shape, and that's gonna, like we said, emanate to so many other things. So I just want to I want to lay that that that that groundwork and that mentality for the for the dads listening, because you're you're not gonna get from Dallas and I's a couple of Jim Bro stuff like you know, you gotta build that six-pack, and you know, you know, she's gonna want a six-pack. I I think it was funny. I gotta just this is a little offshoot, but I heard Elon Musk, Elon Musk recently was like, yeah, six cars and six houses or a six-pack, she's gonna pick six cars and six houses. Like, like I thought it was hilarious. He was just totally, you know, you know, making fun of these social media influencer, Jim Bro kind of kind of guys. And his comment was like, build your life, build who you are, have you be a and and not that building a six pack isn't like you know trying to work towards something. There's there's something to it, but you know, his whole point was like go out and make a difference in the world.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah. I I if we're talking, I'm just saying, if we're literally talking about here. Okay, if we're literally talking about having a six pack, I mean, I'm not sure what the percentage of the population is. Let's say over the age of 30. Oh, good question. Let's say let no, and let's say over the age of 30, okay. I don't know what the percentages of men over the age of 30 that actually have a six pack, but boy, it's I mean, it's it's gonna be way under five percent. I pretty much guarantee that. Yeah, it's it's pretty low. And the thing is to get that six pack, that is like the last, I don't know, 10, 20 percent of the fitness like regime to try to get that. Really hard to get there, really hard to maintain. As your body gets older, I'm not sure it really looks all that great, to be honest. Um you know, like I'm not sure that the skin necessarily looks all that flattering, but most importantly, women, if you're if you've got the first 80, 90 percent of your fitness, but the six pack isn't clearly defined, that's not gonna be the thing that turns her away. There's gonna be way so many other parts of your life. What is her experience like when she's with you? What's your humor like? What's your financial situation? You know, what's your emotional intelligence? How how strong are you in your masculine frame? All of that stuff is is a way bigger slice of the of the pie chart than that last little bit of fitness where your six pack actually shows up.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

And if that is what she's looking for, probably not going to be the woman that you want to like incorporate in your life with your kids and all that stuff. So you know, it'll be a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Yeah, and and she's the odd bell out. Most of the women are not expecting this to find. I mean, I can even tell you from talking with a lot of women, when they meet the gym bro type that has this like, you know, crazy six-pack, he's pumped and everything. A lot of women are explicitly turned off by it because the first thought in their head is this guy is really self-absorbed. This guy must see that this guy must spend an immense amount of time looking in the mirror, you know, fretting over his diet and going to the gym like crazy. And all of that attention, which is our primary resources, people, all of that attention is going into himself. It's not serving others, and it's and it's not caring for her, it's not going into his kids. Uh, that a lot of women are actually turned off by that. And the other part, I don't know how much this has been explicitly stated, but I do know several women have actually have confirmed this. If you have an impossible standard for your own physique as a man, geez, the woman's gonna be like, am I supposed to try to maintain that as well? If you've got if you're if you just dial it back, be fit, be in shape, be looking good. But also, it's like we're not trying to reach some unattainable perfection. That that that the the woman doesn't want to have to live up to that unless she's that type of woman, and you are this, I don't know, you know, high achieving, you know, a power couple. You know, this is what you both of you are on stage wearing extremely expensive clothing. Like, okay, like there's a few people, like that's what they really, really want to do. That's not most of the dating pool out there. It's just not.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Yeah, and that could be your that could be your niche, but I think that's I think what you just said is really important because if you get on social media, that is not the message that that you get. And I think it would be great to have some women talking about that a little more, a little more often, because it is something that is in the back of guys' heads all the time, in particular divorced dads, especially if you're like me when I was getting, well, I just before my divorce, I started to figure out like I need to do something. I was getting winding going up the stairs. Like that was so, so bad. And this is coming from a fitness level of a division one athlete at my at my prime. And and I will say, even as a division one athlete in my prime where I bench press 300 pounds and squat 600 pounds, I did not have a six pack. So like I was I was massive and strong and and in like the upper echelon of fitness, and I didn't have a six pack. And you look at most athletes out there, whether it's football and basketball or hockey or baseball, most of them don't have a six pack either. So that's not a something to be you know to to try to attain.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

I'm I'm shocked to hear that you were at that point because looking at you today, I would imagine you will you were always fit. So that's like a piece of hope and everything. It's like yeah, it's like you can get back in shape and completely convince your local dating coach that you've always been that way.

SPEAKER_02 11:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

You know, simply the energy bring the table. But I oh go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Yeah, well, I I wanted to talk about that is because it's a difference between confidence and and and vanity, right? And I can remember, go ahead and make your point because I want to get into this next thing.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah, I want it's I wanted to to comment on why women are not talking about this. It's because women aren't even aware that guys are having this discussion for the most part. We are having this in a bubble as men in social media. Women are not like, oh, where are all the six packs? Where's it? This is guys in an echo chamber with other dudes thinking and deluding ourselves into thinking this is what women actually want. It's the same way that guys obsess over obscene wealth is being necessary to get the woman of your dreams. That's guys talking about, that's not the majority of women. There, again, there's always going to be some outliers, there's gonna be a small percentage that want to be with a with a man that has$500 million net worth. Like, yes, there are gonna be some. Most women do not need or even really want that. That it's an it's an oddball situation. We are in a we're in an echo chamber in a bubble when we're talking about these things as men. And that's why we don't hear women saying, Hey, this isn't really a big deal. The same way, you know, women might say, like, well, why don't men talk about cosmetics and how we don't actually don't want more makeup? We don't, we're not talking about that. We're not aware of it, we're not there in the room. That's yeah, it's that equivalent turn the other way around. Women are not there when we're talking about, oh, well, we got to the six-pack and how do we get down? Like women are are they they don't care about this topic. Like, this is not something they're thinking about. That's why we don't hear their opinion on it.

Confidence Without Comparison

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Yeah, that's a that that's a good point. And that's uh and also leads to needing to be involved with other men, right? Like, like, like you said, like knowing each other, talking to each other, talking about fitness. Like you need to you you need to have that feedback from from other guys because then you can you can talk about that stuff. You can talk about whatever your workout routine or your affinity for moving rocks, whatever, whatever it whatever it might be that is your that is your fitness likings, and and then just know that then that's like that's normal then what you're doing and how you're doing it, and getting away, getting away from this whole van. It's the whole it comes down to the vanity, and that's the social media mindset, and that's what they're selling, and that's how they are able to sell it because it's van, you know, it's vanity, and it it's you know, all that whole marketing philosophy and and whatnot. So get them the point being get involved with other guys. Listen to this podcast, we'll give you the real real deal. We're fit guys, we're not gym bros, nothing against gym bros. Like I I go to the gym four or five times a week, right? So, I mean, I guess I don't know what the criteria for a gym bro is, but anyway, but you know, I'm getting way off here and I've just completely forgot the the point. So let's get to the point that I wanted to get to before, and that is the confidence versus uh vanity. And so I like I said, I remember distinctly the time was where I was like, oh man, like I was going up the stairs, and it was like 12 stairs in my stairs. And I had we had three kids and and whatnot, and I'm like, I am freaking winded, like this is terrible, and I was like over 200 pounds at the at the at the time, which to me wasn't a big deal because at my playing weight, I was like 225, like but I was huge, right? And so so I I went to the doctor, and the doctor's like, you gotta lose weight. I'm like, what are you talking about? And then so those two things, and I'm like, okay, and and I did, I lost 25 pounds. And immediately my asthma stopped, went away. All the aches and pains in my joints all started to to subside and and and go away. But then something that felt really good. But then for me, getting in this mentality, having been a former athlete, was hey, I gotta be the strongest in the gym when I'm working out. I gotta like still have this mentality. And and and so I wanted to stay like, and it was it's all around vanity, right? Because this is the way it was before, this is how I looked before. And it doesn't have to be it's up, it's about that confidence that you're going to get, guys, by going into the gym and or whatever extras you want and having your body feel better. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Yeah, I the distinction I make, and women, women talk about this all the time. They want a man who's confident, but not a man who's arrogant. Yes, arrog arrogance, but the thing that makes it arrogance is there is a comparison component. I'm better than I can lift more. I've I've you know, my body fat percentage is lower than this guy. It's arrogance. I'm better than. And if you have to be better than that, you have to be on top of somebody else. That means you need some other guy to lose or a bunch of other guys to lose in order for you to win. That's toxic, that's horrible. That isn't that and and and the woman is going to sense that. And she, and that's not that is not a truly confident man. The confident man loves his own performance, he loves what he is succeeding at doing, he loves that he's in shape and he knows it. And he doesn't need to compare himself to other men. Um, you said you go to the gym four or five times a week. I have not had a gym membership in geez, I think it's been 13 years, something like that. Yeah. I do bodyweight workouts at home. You mentioned, you know, I go up to the mountains. I actually went up yesterday for the first time this season.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

Up in the mountains, wheelbarrowing around rocks and stacking them, and you know, lots, lots, lots of, lots of different stuff that I do, you know, to be physical. But I'm I'm alone. I'm isolated when I'm doing my I'm doing that. But I do have certain metrics for my own performance. You know, one of them, one of them is, you know, what does it take to get me winded? What is, you know, how do I feel getting up from a squat off the ground, you know, you know, getting out of a chair, do I have to push off the arms or not? One in particular to bring it back to the realm of dating. And I I just do it spontaneously when I feel it. But sometimes I'll be sitting on a couch, you know, like making out with a woman. She's on my lap, either, either straddling me or like side saddle, I guess. And I will get up from the couch and lift her up with me.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Right. Yeah.

Private Victory And Identity Shift

SPEAKER_01 17:34

And she is like, holy cow. You know, I don't look like I'm not a you've you've met me in person. I'm trim, but I'm not buffed. Like I'm not, I'm not a gym bro, I'm never going to be. That's that's not with my physique. I'm, you know, mesomorphic to endomorphic, like that's sort of my body type. But uh, that doesn't mean that I can't have top performance and confidence in my own strength inside of me. And when women feel and that like not only did I just do that, but I knew I could do that, and I just did it and they experienced it, they were like, that's amazing. Now, I won't deny on the back end when they say, Dallas, you make me feel so light because other men haven't, I won't deny that that doesn't feel good. Of course it does. It touchs the ego, it feels amazing. But I'm not saying, so how many other men you know were able to do that? Like, no, that's that's arrogance, that's needing to compare oneself. So all of that, all of that long rambling to say performance is first person relationship stuff.

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Right. And if you're focused and you're tuned into your to your body, which you we're not always, even even when I was a even when I was an athlete, I was not, I was not tuned into my body until after my divorce, until I after I got into fitness and I made that mindset change that it was uh about feeling good, about being fit and about being there for my for my kiddos. It became a longevity thing. Uh and we're gonna talk about some other modeling and and and whatnot in a little bit. But until until that happened, and and then the focus was more internally, and this so this is the same thing we talk about all the time, right, Dallas, about this internal focus on what we're thinking about and and how we're showing up. It's the same thing with our fitness. Until I started to do that, I was not tuned into my body and all in the metrics like you talked about. Like, can I squat down? Can I pick something up? Can I pick somebody up? Can I do this or or can I do that until I really started to focus on myself and think about myself?

SPEAKER_01 19:42

I I remember when I switched from going to the gym to calisthenics, and incidentally, it's because I had moved to Asia for a year and I knew that the gyms were not going to be as readily available. So I switched over to a calisthenic bodyweight workout, and it caused me to become more kinesthetically aware. I was aware of my body. I actually, you know, you in your your opening joke that I still think is awesome, you're talking about the core strength. I the core was such an abstract concept to me, even with personal trainers. It made no sense. Once I started doing all calisthenic workouts, I was able to understand what the core strength was. And the the focus shifted from outward to inward. And that was a total game changer for me. And that's when I realized, and Stephen Covey's book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he's got the first three, or in the first three habits are in the personal space, the second three habits are in the public space, and then there's a seventh one that encircles all of them. And it's interesting that after the first three, you achieve what he calls private victory. And after the next three, and this is in the diagram that's repeated over and over in the book, after the next three, four, five, and six, he he you've achieved what he calls public victory. And he I don't believe he mentioned it in the book, but he's he's implicitly stating private victory comes before public victory.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

I by having the kinesthetic awareness, by working myself, by achieving it, by becoming a winner, by by achieving private victory in myself, I I have to have that before I then move into the public domain, which includes your children, but also dating, then the public victory can take place. But I have to achieve that with my own self-awareness, my own self-connection first.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Right. And so to add on to that, some of the that public victory, I feel is modeling to your children for a lifetime because you need to do it for a lifetime. Hopefully, hopefully, if you haven't done it or if you've fallen off the wagon like like I did, that's that this is something if you are modeling for them, it you're showing that public victory like you did described, they're gonna they're gonna see it, right? Like so they're gonna automatically see that you are you're disciplined about it, you are either going to the gym, doing your calisthenic workout, whatever it might be that you're doing it, and they're gonna see the they're gonna see the results. They're gonna see the results not only in your physical body, but they're going to see the results and how you're showing up mentally and emotionally, because there is the connection that it's gonna have. And I'm God, I promise you guys, it like you won't even, you might not even realize it until somebody says something to you about it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

You that that is it spot on. And the the the physical the physical manifestation is almost a byproduct of the fitness. The fitness is mentical, it is mentical. It's a new word.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Yeah, the new word for the day, mentical.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

There we go. It's physical and mental. It I don't I can't. That's a good one, actually.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

I like that. Physical and mental, mentical, contraction.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

I my gosh, I I've completely thrown myself off. I have no idea what okay. Well, the the the victory, the victory happens in the mind, it it happens in the will, it happens in the emotions, it happens in setting yourself on the path, it happens in setting the physical body in motion, but but then it's somewhere down the road, you know, one month, three months, six months down the road, that you start to see the the physical, the physical effects actually playing out. And and and that, and that's how it is with everything. We don't get paid up front for the for the consistency in the work. It's almost like the winning is you you win immediately in the moment by making the choice that you actually want to make for yourself.

unknown 23:33

And

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Then, you know, the you know, the six cars, six houses, you know, the six pack, if it shows up for you, would all the different elements, those show up in the fullness of time. But they're but but it's almost like it's almost like the success that you see in the people around you, that was the long-term byproduct of of an immediate victory that they chose to have with themselves, private victory over and over and over again. And that private victory that you have, that's what changes your confidence, that's what changes your energy level, that's what changes your belief in yourself. And to your point, that's what the kids are really gonna pick up on. The body, that just that's just par for the course. That just that comes along as a bonus.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yep. Well, and and if you are modeling that, the the probability that they're gonna be doing something, and then your your your family lifestyle is going to be like that is going to be very high. Uh, and then that's just gonna be an automatic part, it becomes a lifestyle change. So they talk about things taking 21 days to to to create routines or or they call them habits, they're really routines, they're not habits, uh, a routine. But that routine then after 90 days, 220 days, whatever it might be, then becomes a lifestyle change. And then if you're creating that lifestyle change, and again, you're focused on yourselves, guys, right? So you're focused on yourself, you're you're you're creating a lifestyle change for yourself, but that is emanating through the rest of your family. That's gonna have that is going to have an impact, and and it might not even be conscious, they might not even be consciously aware of it, you might not even be consciously aware of it, but it's going to be having that impact on ongoing for for them. They're gonna be, they're going to be fit, they're going to take care of their physical health because you've done it.

SPEAKER_01 25:19

Yeah. And it is a lifestyle change. The word I use is it's an identity shift.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

I'm the kind of guy that is fit. I'm the kind of guy that stays in shape. And and children pick up the identities of their guardians.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

And so if my identity is no way, I let it go. That's not me. That's not me. That's not me. I have, I have a I have that that that's not how I live, that that isn't, that doesn't match who I am. That identity piece, that's actually what dictates so much of the behavior on a habitual lifestyle routine basis, is I'm going to, I'm going to behave according to my identity. And children look at it, the core identity. You know, it's like, well, I came from a family where everybody's obese and they, you know, they, you know, they make a seven-layer dip, you know, like three times a week and they're watching, they're watching TV. Like, I mean, like, they're like, okay, well, I mean, they have they have to almost consciously make a break and say, I'm going to live differently. I have a diff, I don't belong in that family, like, you know, ugly duckling problem. Like, I'm a swan, they're ducks. I don't belong there anymore. It's because they are consciously saying, I have a different identity than the family I came from. It's it's really these identity components are incredibly powerful. And I feel like people should be talking more about them.

Make Time With Micro Workouts

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Yeah, it is dad's. We don't only owe it to ourselves, we owe it to our children to to to to do this. So, and and that's not to guilt or to to shame anybody, because like you said, lots of what we've been patterned to to think about ourselves or how to show up in the world, we've just learned through through childhood and early adult life. And so if that is you, dad, and and that's been the lifestyle that maybe you've had throughout your your marriage, this is a great opportunity now. Life is changing, whether you like it or not. And so the one of the things that I always talk about in coaching with dads is there are gonna be lots of things that you can't control through this process and and even post-divorce, but there are some things that you can control. This is one that you can control. So if there's something like you feel like your life is spinning out, it's spiraling, and you don't know and you're worried, like this is one you can control. You can control that you're going to go do your workout, uh, whatever that might be, even if it's just starting with like I've started with guys with 15-minute walks, right? Just 15-minute walks uh a a day, and and then builds from that, even if it's just starting with that 15-minute walk and and doing that. And so let's let's let's move into that because we talked last week about the the the no-time concept and the I don't have time for that, it's et cetera, right? If you're if you have to make the time to do this, and it doesn't take a ton of time to do some of this. We're not talking about 90-minute gym sessions, we're not talking about whatever, whatever it might be, a lot of work. It can be micro workouts, it can be what Dallas was describing, which is hey, you've got to get something done and it's physical. You're not gonna hire somebody to do it, you're gonna do it yourself. Or or you're gonna find ways that you can go and and and do that. It doesn't have to be hard, it doesn't have to take a lot of time, especially with the society we have now and apps and everything else. You can you can find a time, but the point being is you have to schedule it.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

You have to schedule and you have to have you have to ask yourself if you are busy, how can I make this happen? I know that I know that I want to make this a priority. And you know, I've been I've been thinking about the difference between convergent thinking versus divergent thinking. Convergent thinking is bringing things down to a single point, there's one answer. And a lot of times that is, oh, I have to go to the gym, have a gym membership, spend 90 minutes, three days a week. Right. It's we've all somehow converged on this consensus that this is what you do to be healthy. Okay, well, not true. Just simply not true. How else could I achieve? How could I make this work for me? How can I make this part of what I'm doing? For example, if you work out way better outdoors than indoors, do that. How can I get myself to enjoy this more? Is it sports with is it sports with friends? Is it working out in isolation? Is it you know what what are the elements? And you have to find like my workout routine is not like anybody else's uh workout routine that I know of. It's and I have slowly developed it over time and for the most part been reducing the time down and down and down. I work out very, very little in actuality, and I get the maximum results from it. But that's where that's where I'm asking myself, how can I break these rules from the norm to make them work for me the way that I want to do it with my schedule?

SPEAKER_00 30:07

Yeah, and you can work this in conjunction. You you said sports and sports with friends, or if there's something that you used to like to do, pick it up again. Or if there's something you always thought of, man, I'd really like to try like a couple, like a year a little over a year ago, I started playing pickleball. I was like, I play tennis, but let's try pickleball. And and so I I I I loved it. Go find something that you are either interested in or want to go do or learn to do, and that can be like again, that helps it's the the byproduct is the physical fitness, right? Is the how your body looks, but it's gonna be doing way more things. The other thing to your to your point about these short workouts, the best, the best shape I've been in the last five years was during COVID. There were no gyms, there was there were no opportunities. So I had I had decided with my daughters that okay, well, they're not gonna be at school, they're not gonna have gym class anymore. They're in you know, in in grade school at that time. They're not gonna have, we are not gonna be sitting around the house. And so I ordered some DVDs, fitness DVDs, like the like the old like the old school. Yeah, it wasn't that old, but you know, and it wasn't VHS, they were DVDs. So dude and leg warmers, I can see it now. Exactly, got my onesie on. Um, and and and we we just we all committed, we talked about it, and we got up before school, like six o'clock in the morning, and all four of us just in our living room would turn the video, and it was a half hour or less. It wasn't anything big and long, it was mostly jumping and calisthenics and push-ups and sit-ups and all the stuff that that you were you were talking about. And I'll tell you what, man, I was in tremendous, tremendous shape after just doing something like that. And it only took 30 minutes or or or less. And and my daughters, like they did it too. So you can do that, you can do yoga, you can do Pilates. There's so many different things that that you can do that don't take an immense amount of time that are gonna have a huge impact.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Now I'm imagining you in some Lululemon yoga pants during it. And we've gone, we've gone from questionable to I never foresee it in my life.

SPEAKER_00 32:24

We want we want the listeners to come back, Dell, so let's not be you know creating more imaginary things. Okay. Well, the other the other point also is I run into uh guys from all different kinds of cultures, dads from all different kinds of cultures too. And one of the things that that I want to point out to the to the dads that are listening that maybe goes to what what you were uh speaking about, which is the the the different ways in which we have fitness. Your culture might be different, but go back. Every culture has some sort of fitness, right? Like some sort of like something that they do for fitness. Some of the cultures have fitness built in because they're walking a lot, or they don't, you know, they don't not rely, they don't rely on motor vehicles or there's less social media. Like some of those, some cultures are just like that. But get back to understanding maybe what the fitness was in your childhood that was positive, if there was one, and implement that into it. Doesn't, again, to our point, it doesn't have to be the gym, it doesn't have to be yoga, it doesn't have to be anything, and maybe it doesn't even have to be what you did as a kid, but find something that fits and works in with your family.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

And and you know, you know what really makes that effective is when you are deciding for yourself and you're owning it in your own way. This is how I do my workouts, it becomes part of your identity. You know, I don't know anybody else that moves rocks around in the mountains as part of their fitness routine. That that makes it more powerful because it's part of me, it's part of my identity, it's part of how I choose it. I'm not just following somebody else's routine, I've owned it for myself. There's a huge, there's a huge power in autonomy and in when we own it and we decide how we're going to make this work for ourselves. You know, there's a there's a book that I've been reading that like it's basically gonna turn into a workbook for me. And I knew I was gonna do it. And to own it, what I did was I actually was like, I'm gonna spiral bound this thing so it's easier for me to flip through it and work through it like a workbook. So I took a knife to the binding and I cut out all the pages, and then I took a trimmer and trimmed off all the glued ends, and then I punched it and then put the spiral binding through it. And that book feels way more like mine now that I've chopped it up and you know and used it. My relationship to it is I own that book. That's my book now, even though I didn't write it. The material in it, the the wisdom in it, that is mine to own. I think I think we need to look at workouts the same way. Like, you know, pickleball might your might be your thing, but you start out by doing sprints, or maybe you're you're trading off with partners and while somebody else is doing it, you take a lap around the park. Like you own it in whatever way makes sense to you. You do burpees or whatever it is, but you own it in a way that works for you so that you can get the kind of results you want. And because ultimately, if we're following somebody else's routine, that's still has elements of passivity in it. But if I'm I'm owning it and I'm driving myself because I am forging my own path as a man, that's gonna have a whole different kind of power in it.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

Right. And again, another statement uh in modeling to to your kiddos about that, that they don't have to look to to to the norms of of whatever. And but maybe that is, right? Like maybe that is maybe you grew up playing basketball, right? And there was a culture that in your in in your environment or where you grew up, or maybe you grew up in another country, maybe it was cricket, maybe it was soccer, maybe it was something else. So all of those things that that's the that's my point around whatever it is, like just find it and and do it. Or if it's something completely different, completely different. It could be dance, right? Like you could be a dancer. That's a huge that's an amazing exercise and and and workout as well. So it could be something creative like that that's that maybe falls creative and physical, right? So the point just being find something, guys. It's and there's there because there's no excuse. There is absolutely no excuse not to do it.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

There's no excuse and there's no replacement. There are there, yeah. We have employing the body is the only way to achieve certain feelings and certain physiological changes. We as we as guys, I mean, everybody does this, but as men, we will go up into our heads. I it's one of the main challenges I have with my clients is we're up in our never do that. We have we have the answer to everything and we have a response to everything, and we've got it all figured out, we've got it all there, we've got it all there. Yeah, theoretically in your head. Right. The minute that you take it into the physical plane, everything changes, it becomes a lived experience. We we have to, and it's and it's very rarely fun out of the gate. It always takes a little bit of like like almost a surprise push from behind to like throw us in the pool, and then we're like, okay, it's not that bad, you know. But that initial jump in is kind of always takes a little bit of force, you know, to just get the inertia going and to get us out of our comfortable place. Being in the head is the comfortable default place for most men. Throw putting yourself into the physicality is is something we have to choose to do. And it is the it is the pure simple exercising of discipline when you do it.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Yeah. And and and guys, so you know, we're giving you a little rah-rah here, but I again I want you to I want to I want you to focus on that hero mentality, that it's that you need to do this, not just for yourself, but for your kids. And and I would say more now more than ever, because of how our society is structured and all of the distractions that kids have, that it is absolutely critical that you that that that you do this. I mean, it's there's it's it the the barrier to doing this is so low. And the ability to to do this is so easy that it's it it's it is simply it's I say it's a no-brainer, but like we but that but what you're saying is we get in our head, right? It is a no-brainer, but we get in our head.

Nutrition Basics And Calorie Budget

SPEAKER_01 38:31

It's a harder, you know, you got to use your heart to to get into it. Great point. Yeah, yeah. It takes a certain effort to push yourself out of that, you know, and you know, so much of what the kids see, you know, on social media, it's all videos and talk and talk and talk and all these ideas, and it's like, okay, well, I mean, the expression, you know, put your body where your mouth is, man. Yeah you know, it's like all these people are talking about it. Your dad's in the backyard doing pull-ups on a bar, you know, on two four by fours that he cemented into the ground. Right. Okay, on a fundamental instinctive level, the kids know the difference. They can see, they can see that TikTok is a bunch of bullshit, you know, run through filters and AI versus my dad's a badass who's actually doing pull-ups in the backyard. Like they can feel the difference. Like there's there's there's there's an instinctive part that's been around for a quarter million years in humans that knows the difference. But you have to, you have to what yeah, again, like put your body where your mouth is. You can't just talk about it. You have to, and well, this this is this is my number one tenant with masculinity, lead with the body. You can sit there talking all day long, but until you walk up to that woman, you're not really doing anything. You have to lead with the body. When you're having a conflict with a woman, if you try to talk through her with it, yeah, that usually doesn't get you a whole lot better. You have to you have to physically show up with a level of groundedness and calmness and self-assuredness. That's what actually shifts things, guys. The preliminary set to that is is workouts with yourself, where you get out of your head, out of your mouth, and it's not just talk, you're moving with your body.

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Yeah. So I so I'm just I'm just gonna finish with this this silly meme I saw, but it struck a chord with me because I'm a dad of daughter. So so guys who are listening with daughters, it it said, I don't work out for vanity, I work out to hear, and it was a quote, bro, did you see her dad? So I'm like, that is my that is my mantra, right? Bro, did you see your dad? So there, take that one, guys, for motivation, put it up on your mirror so that uh your daughter's boyfriend should be like, bro, did you see your dad?

SPEAKER_01 40:45

And if you're looking for a good way to intimidate potential boyfriends for your daughter, that also works really well. There you go, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

All right, I want to talk also now in this last part about the flip side of the physical fitness part, which is nutrition, because you can be doing the physical fitness part of it all day long, but if you're not taking care of your nutrition, it they go hand in hand, guys. So so you you have to be paying attention to it. And again, this is just a symptom, I guess you could say, of our of our society with all the the fast food and fast prepared food and processed food and the ability to grab stuff fast and do stuff fast, which works really great if you're gonna maybe do a HIIT workout and and something like that with your fitness, but it does not work really well when you're doing it with your nutrition. So you need to, you you absolutely have to cut out the processed foods and the fast foods because those are all just empty calories. And this, again, is a no-brainer. This is this is not complicated stuff. Now we've got the proliferation of all these diet shots and everything else that are subduing. It's it's just math. It's caloric caloric intake versus how much caloric burning you're going to do in your exercise. And that's all it comes down to, you guys. So a high, uh high protein diet, some fiber in your diet, some carbohydrates, like any of these, all these different diets that are out there, you can follow some of them. Some of them might be good for a short term if you're trying to get some sort of benefit, but long term, there's just some real basics around Whole Foods. Spending it's gonna take time. Uh, you gotta plan. So again, this is where you're gonna plan. And I say, Dallas and tell me what you think about this, because I I think you're gonna spend more time planning nutrition and in food and prepping food than you would actually even in the fitness part of it.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

You you can depend on it. I don't think so. It depends on what you're looking for. I don't more of my time, yeah. I don't. I my so a little bit of my my backstory. I've never really worried a whole lot about what I ate. And I, you know, as things got older, I got a little more embarrassed of how the photos looked, you know, around the midsection. Um, and then and then I was reading uh comfort crisis. I'll make this a really, really short story. Anyway, started tracking my calories and started realizing that I was taking in way more than I was burning with my active metabolic rate. And yeah, over a space of six months, I lost 30 pounds.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Yeah, and and that that's a pound a week, basically. That's a 500 calorie deficit, seven days a week on average, 3,500 calories in one pound of fat. In case anybody doesn't know the math, that's that's what the math is. If you are at a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day, you're at a calorie deficit per week of 3,500 calories, that's one pound of fat per week. You keep doing that consistently as an aggregate, aggregate total over time. Well, I mean, in a year, that's 50 pounds that you would lose. That's a lot of weight in one year. And the cool thing is if you do it at a at a moderate pace of one pound a week, you're adjusting your identity and lifestyle along the way so that it'll stick. If you're like, oh, I dropped four pounds this week and four pounds the next week, yeah, you're in a you're in a dive, you know, you're in a you know, it's like you're in a dive bomber, you know, kamikaze like stance. It's like, no, no, no. You want to find a new cruising altitude that works for you. And and that's why you do it. And so the so that was the first thing that I learned was we're essentially we have a calorie, I call it a calorie budget. I've got a dollar budget, I got a calorie budget. And there's a certain amount of calories I get to spend. Guess what? They're my flipping calories. I get to spend them however I want on whatever I want. Now, there's certain items that I love to eat that like eat up that that budget like crazy. And there are other things that I love to eat because I'm not hungry afterwards, and they don't eat they don't eat up much of that budget. Those two categories of foods, I I again I keep this really simple. There's feasting and then there are staples. We're supposed to historically eat staples most of the time because that's what's available, and then you feast occasionally on special occasions. I like that. And there's two different hunger systems connected with it. There's genuine hunger, which is where the staples live, and then there is the reward hunger, which is oh my gosh, like this cake's amazing. I better eat the whole thing. Yeah. There is there is a reason for that historically. We're supposed to historically eat all that we can when the food's available because the lean times are a coming and we want to have the calories stored up. The problem is in today's society, yes, it is fast and convenient, but on top of that, it is the feasting that that is. Insatiable, which means that our consumption becomes insatiable, which means the profits of the food people become become unstoppable. There's no limit to it.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

So the trick is to realize no, no, no, no, no, I can't feast all the time because we never go through the lean times. You know, unless you're doing your intermittent fasting, which I know you're you know you're quite good at. But for the average person, you know, we don't have we don't experience lean times. So we have to be, and my word for this is strategic. I eat staples the majority of the time, and then I am strategic in my feasting.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

And when you say staples, what what are your staples?

SPEAKER_01 46:12

Can of salmon, can of tuna, pop it out, drain it, put it in a bowl, chop up some celery to like give it some more fiber and some more stuff in it, you know, mix in some avocado-based mayonnaise, some Greek yogurt, some whatever, mix it in a bowl, you know, some triscits or or some more veggies or whatever. But I would challenge so one, simple as anything. And my expectation with that is to not be hungry. I mean, yeah, I like the way it tastes, it works for me, but I'm not there trying to create, I'm not trying to like cheat and go, like, oh my gosh, this is the most amazing cuisine. Like, no, historically, we ate boring food most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 46:48

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:49

But you know what makes it not boring is I was hungry, like really hungry, and now I'm not. That is so not boring to eat food when you're hungry. And like that's what we've lost connection with. And sorry, I feel like I'm on a soapbox now, like going at it.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

No, no, this is I think this is really, really good information for the dads because it's not something so unless you're into unless you've done something like you did, which is spend the time to figure this out, lose 30 pounds. Like I like I did the same, uh, the same thing that that I described, right? And and know and understand. It's it is simple, but so many people don't know about this.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

So it's simple, but it's not easy. It takes it takes changing your palate, it takes changing your sensitivity. At first, staples seem bland until you get back in touch with the real genuine hunger level that you are. And then once you do, I mean, uh when you're genuinely hungry, the best seasoning is hunger. When you're genuinely hungry, you're very grateful to have just about anything to eat. Guys, that that that's how humans lived up until what, about 50, 60 years ago. Yeah, you know, and in certain parts of the world, it's still like that today.

SPEAKER_02 47:59

Still, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

We we are in a society where we are feasting constantly. That's the that's the problem.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

Yeah, well, and let's talk about that in the context of dads and kids and needing to feed the kids and get everything done. So that's where that's where, guys, then things get off child. And look, look, it's easy. It's so easy for us to sit here and talk about it. I know the channel, I still with my teenage daughters, fight this because they'll love to just grab some crappy food at school and then I'm like, no, let's eat dinner or make your lunch or bring something good. And so that's this constant tug of war for with them, but also in trying to model for them. So they complain sometimes what you're just describing, like my food is so boring, or or whatever, but it's just something that's meat and potatoes and vegetables or or some starch or something like a balance of those of those foods, but we're not putting sauces and we're not put doing like tons of dairy and cheeses and stuff like we're not making it that palate thing, like you, like you talked about.

SPEAKER_01 49:08

Well, you know what, you know what's interesting, and I was having a discussion with a meditation buddy of mine, like that's what he does is he coaches meditation. We were talking about boredom. Boredom has such a negative connotation, but it's one of the healthiest things you can possibly do in your life. Yes. The start of every meditation session begins with boredom. And you're like, what? Oh, I'm not doing anything, no stimulation. That's the whole point. I'm not entertaining myself. And then what happens under the surface? Food, the same thing. It's like, oh, well, it's boring. It's like, yeah, boredom, you know, being bored is part of a is is part of a healthy life that is ultimately very exciting. You know, it's like, you know what's not boring? You know, it's like, well, I this I had this coffee mug, I keep it just because it's hilarious. It's like, it's like abs are great, but have you tried donuts? And it's so and it's so true. But it's like, you know, it's like donuts are great, but have you tried abs? Like it's you know, and it's a question of like the instant gratification versus the long-term excitement. You know, if you want, if you want those abs to come out, like you you can't eat a lot of donuts. You can eat maybe a couple, I think. I don't know. I'm not a nutrition and fitness expert, but you might be able to eat a couple, but you can't eat a lot of them. And but the the the question is, do you want do you want your your joy and your excitement to happen immediately, which is a which is a which is a a quick hit of dopamine, you know, to the body, which ultimately doesn't lead to two healthy places, or are you looking for long-term growing excitement over time, which is you know what? Yeah, I'm eating boring food a lot of the time, but it's it's so that in the end I have a very exciting set of results. Yeah, you know, analogous with finances, it's boring to save money until suddenly one day it's not boring anymore.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

Yeah, well, and and so I learned this this phrase in a parenting class when my daughters were young, and it it goes it's along the same lines, which is boredom is the precursor to creativity. There you go. There you go. So if you're and this is for children too, so they're gonna find what you know if you apply and if you apply this across the board, like, oh, I'm I'm bored. My my daughters know now, not to say I'm bored, right?

SPEAKER_01 51:19

Like because I'll either that they are bored, okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

Yeah, yeah, that they're bored, yeah, because I'll either have something like creative and fun, which is usually like maybe like cleaning, um, or it's like, oh, sorry, what are you gonna do about that? And then you know, they can find so they'll always find something, which is something that was built in for us, at least, you know, in our age. We're uh approximately the same age, but we we just had to go find stuff to do. We didn't have stuff thrown in our faces all day long, or we could click on and click off at a at a at a notice. We had to go figure out things. So boredom was on. I mean, I don't know, I don't ever remember being, I didn't have we didn't have all this stuff growing up. I don't ever remember being bored as a child. Like I was doing so much crap, some of it not great, but I was just still doing something, right? Like I was I was out there doing something. So the boredom thing is really good across the book the board, guys. And and then let's uh well that can apply to you too, like you being bored in your own life. Well, I know you want to make a joke. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

No, no, it's not no, it's not I mean, no, no, that that's awesome, and yeah, boredom is the precursor to creativity, and and I think it's important to model for children, they're like, oh, you know, it's really boring, and you can say, Yes, it is, and that's actually exciting to me to choose the boredom and camping.

SPEAKER_00 52:38

Yes, most best, best possible thing you can ever do with your kids. It is completely boring. You're in the middle of nowhere, there's nothing around except, I mean, not nothing, like none of the regular stuff that you have in your house. And it is the most amazing thing. You will be you're you will just be flabbergasted by what your kids find and do and how they fill an entire day. And like it was just I I I did it out of financial necessity growing growing up with my daughters. It was an inexpensive thing to do. The best thing that that I that I've ever done is take them camping regularly, being out in nature. So it is just absolutely uh amazing.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

And and similar, and similar to the fitness, this is something you model, you know, you model embracing the boredom to go go towards it, to choose these things because you know the outcome on the other side is is a steady growth, healthy product eventually uh in your life. You know that this is part of it, and you you you gotta you gotta model it and own it. And heck, I mean, even stare down with the kids, you know, they're eating the fish sticks, you know, like done out of that, and you're eating your you know, boring salad, and they're like, Oh, it's so boring. You just you just stare at it. I'm going like one day you'll get it. Like this is actually where it's at. And then you know, you own it.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Well, I would I would encourage them not to fix different things for different people. Okay, I don't, I haven't gotten into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely do not do not do that. Like you're gonna you're gonna make stuff and and let's talk a little bit about that. If you're choosing between cheeseburgers from McDonald's or going to the store picking up a head of lettuce in a in a pouch of tuna and making a tuna set, like a salad with with tuna and some other veggies, pick the other one. It's gonna take a little bit of time, but but here's the other thing, guys, again, with this this whole modeling thing, which is which is what you're what we're doing as dads, we're preparing our children to be able to be healthy and functioning adults, right? That is our number one pretty much singular goal in our life as fathers. Okay. So if you teach them how to go to the store, if you have them help you to pick out the lettuce and the tuna, they have different flavors of tuna now, which is amazing, right? So all this boring tuna that we were eating out of a can growing up. Now they have like these different flavors, hot buffalo and lemon and pepper. And it's like, okay, well, there's a choice, right? So you can help them to learn to do that and then make them responsible. Make them responsible for doing some of this. Age, depending upon the age, it doesn't have to be difficult, but they can open up open a can of tuna at five years old, six years old, or or or scoop the tuna in or mix it up or put it on the salad or or or whatever it is. That's again, you're you're teaching them, you're helping them, you're modeling, you're doing it by modeling for them. Yes, it takes a little bit of extra time. So the thing I'll say about that is if you're filling the time and their time with all kinds of other stuff and not doing this stuff, reassess what it is that that the the lifestyle that you have and what you're doing. If you're constantly busy where you can't, where you have to grab a McDonald's cheeseburger, instead of being able to stop at the store and grab a head of lettuce and take the extra half hour to do that and prep that, you need to reassess your life and your environment to make sure that you can do those things because that's going to be way more important than the hundred things that you might be running around doing with them prior. So that's my little soapbox for this episode.

SPEAKER_01 56:16

Absolutely. Well, and you know, and the the the connection time and the bonding time, you know, when you're shopping together, shoulder to shoulder, making stuff, making a joke about it, or you know, negotiating who got to pick the flavor the last time, who gets to pick it this time, and then the time in the kitchen. I mean, where you're prepping and making things and whatever, like that's where that's that's the nuts and bolts of the relationship. I coming back to dating for a minute, there are so many women that say, like, well, I love cooking with a partner. Like so many women talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

I love doing that. I love to cook. Like, I'm Italian, so everything's about food. Okay. Women love that.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

Yeah. And and I I think that's part of what we have to see is when you go to McDonald's, it's like, oh, well, what do you want? What do you want? Everyone's looking at a menu and just picking, but it's like we're it's like we're on different TV stations or something. Oh, what did you get? And you divvy it out from the bag. There's no communal connecting happening when that happens. There's just none. And particularly if you're if you're involved in the creation of the meal, you know, as a group, as you know, as a family, and then you're eating the meal, there's a unity there, you know, there's there's a there's a coming together that like the McDonald's bag just doesn't do that, you know, it does not create a sense of connection in the family. And yeah, you know, and that and that's the other thing that I feel like you know, the social media just really does well is disconnect people from each other. So this, you know, it's not just about the nutrition, you know, the nutrition is almost just an excuse. The meal planning and prepping is just an excuse and a context for spending the time with the kids.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

Yeah, and and I that that is such an underrated, unappreciated, almost forgotten concept is sharing a meal together with with with your kids. And I would I would say, guys, if there's one one thing that you can try to like around this whole nutrition thing and and whatnot, try to plan one meal to together. It is for from for me and my daughters, they now they literally will just sit there and talk, right? Like, I don't, I don't do it. It used to be I used to bring up stuff, but we had no rule, like you don't bring phones, we don't bring phones, there's no TV on, there's no radio, like there's nothing going on. It's just we're eating and sharing a meal. But now, Dallas, it's amazing. They just sit there. Like, even this morning, we ate breakfast because I get up and we'll make breakfast. Like, I'm like, you guys gotta go. And they're like just chatting away. It's the most amazing thing. And not that that's gonna happen with everybody, but for me, that's it's been amazing. If I want to have a discussion, I make a meal, and then like I don't even have to do anything, I can just bring like it just happens, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 58:58

You know, and and the cool thing is, particularly because you have daughters, you're teaching them that it's okay to share with a man. You know, they're getting that they see that it's fine to open their feelings, to do it. And when they meet guys that don't listen and don't really care about their feelings, they're going to immediately identify them as like, ah, funny, this doesn't feel like it did with my dad. I'm not sure I actually want to get more involved with this guy. Um like you're setting a great experiential um baseline for them to compare it with. And, you know, and the fact that they're in that place means they're they're, you know, they're releasing the cortisol when that happens, you know, they're regulating themselves, they're they're getting into a healthy place, they're getting a relaxed place, which is the confident place that also is the place where they're going to be able to listen to you better, you know, when the time comes for them to hear some important advice that might be coming their way. Yeah, is is is a beautiful thing, man. I'm so glad to hear that's what you're uh you're able to do.

SPEAKER_00 59:51

And for and for boys too, for boys and and girls, there's just there's there are in there's just so many. I can't even I can't even think about all the benefits. Like you just brought up some more. There's I'm thinking about like a bunch more, but that's not what this podcast is about. We're just we're getting off the nutrition thing, but the the benefit, this there are all kinds of benefits to to that, and paying attention to your nutrition and and model, we'll we'll just leave it at that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:16

Well, and we'll bring it, we'll bring it back real quick to I mean, boys and girls, but boys particularly, because you know, we sort of talked about girls because you have all girls, but you know, take your kid to the park and throw the ball around, you know, like kick the ball around, do things, and even if even if they're really young, you can make it more physically active for yourself by doing silly, goofy, you know, dad stuff and running around. You know, you can pick him up, put him on your shoulders. There's a built-in weight for you. You know, there's so many things you can do, and involving the kids in the physical activity, and you know, under the guise of play, but you're running out of breath, you know, pretend races with the kids, whatever it is, involving them in that process is probably one of the better ways to get in physical shape. You tell me. I mean, I think that would be Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:58

Well, I call it be the hero of your own life. Be the hero of your own life because I wrote an article about this years ago about how we fixate, and there's nothing wrong with professional sports and watching sports or or or uh anything else, movies or anything else, but but we've got this, you know, we we project this hero mentality on all of these people. And instead of taking that and doing what you just described, throw the ball in your backyard, have a football game in your flag football or touch game in your backyard. Go coach your kids' team. Or if you don't have one, start one or or whatever it might be. And this doesn't have to just be sports, it can be it can be the arts, it can be, it can be anything, but be the hero of your own life. Don't just watch for other heroes to to you know for for your kids to emanate, because what's going to happen is they're gonna be looking everywhere that may or may not be somewhere that you want them to be looking. And if you are that hero of their life and of that environment, then you know you're creating that healthy, functioning adult that is going to be able to live a full life like you are living. So that's why it's really, really important to be doing that stuff with your sons, with your daughters. Um, and it's not complicated. It's not complicated. It's simple as cooking something, as simple as throwing the football around, as simple as going and doing something physical like a walk or a hike. And it's giving them a realistic model.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:32

When you're talking about professional athletes or six packs online, these aren't realistic models. These aren't realistic achievements. Yeah, potentially for a moment, for a season in life, maybe. You know, some of these things might be achievable. But the whole point is when you're the one modeling it, it's much more realistic. It's much, it's much closer to home.

Alcohol As Strategic Feasting

SPEAKER_00 1:02:50

Well, and I and I'm gonna wrap it up just with this, Dallas. Is they're not gonna be, they're not gonna be like, yeah, dad, yay, dad. Like, you know, like like the the commer they that commercial where they have like the the chef and then the sports guy is like cheering the chef while he's cooking, right? Like the opposite, like like people are cheering people when they come off the bus or like some sports fans. You're not gonna get that, guys. But we don't need to get that. We but and and I promise you then, but when they grow up, the the result, the gold medal that you're gonna get, the cheering that you're gonna get is in your head as you watch them be healthy functioning adults, and then you're gonna be so immensely proud and so happy to see them functioning that you don't need all the cheering. You didn't need all the rah-rah uh uh about it. But you're not gonna get the rah-rah. You're not gonna get the like, oh thank you, dad. Oh, like way to go, or like you forced us to go off for a walk, or you made us eat a salad, or or like you're not gonna get that in the moment. It's just not gonna happen, okay? Yeah, but it's gonna be so many benefits to it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:52

So okay, you might get some of it later in life, but no guarantees.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:56

That's not why you're not no guarantees, but we're not. I mean, that's not where we're dad. What's not where we're dads? That's not that's not why we're men. Like that's not that's just that has never been a philosophy of men until recently. Like we showed up and and we got it done and we lived life for because we were men and we did what we were supposed to. This is a whole like, yeah, and that's a whole nother episode. So let's just end it there. We got way off. Yeah, but hopefully, uh hopefully you see the hero of your own life is a really important concept, I think, for any man, but for a dad in particular. The last part of the nutrition thing I did want, I do, I don't want to skip out on Dows and even though we're we're going long. Thanks guys for for listening to us, is the alcohol consumption, because that is so just the the caloric intake alone that you described and the math is it blows it up, guys. So it's just gonna it's gonna blow it up. Even a beer or two, even a light beer or two is is gonna do that. A greater consumption than that is really gonna screw it up. Not to mention, and look, I'm not I'm not a you know, I'm not a Puritan, I'm not like anti-alcohol or anything. The fo the hard facts are it is a it is a toxin in your body. So it's not there's little, very little benefit to putting a lot of it into your body. And just like what you said, like, hey, a donut, it's okay to have a donut, it's okay to have some cake, it's okay to have a drink, but large consumption is gonna just screw things up, not even to talk about what the damage it can do if you're inebriated. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:37

Large consumption and consistent consumption, yeah. Yeah, you don't want it to be habitual. Alcohol isn't a staple. If you're using alcohol like it's a staple, it's staple, it's in the wrong category. Alcohol is a part of feasting, and for me, alcohol feasting, I I do it strategically. There is a time and a place when it when I need to cut loose. Alcohol can be very useful and helpful for that, but I'm using it strategically. Yeah, that's pretty much you know that, and yes, see above that like you know, one shot of a liquor is about the same as 30 grams of protein and a can of tuna. Those are about the same. Yeah, and you know, I mean, and you can go through a lot of shots without really realizing it very, very fast.

Wrap Up And Community Updates

SPEAKER_00 1:06:21

Yeah, so just pay attention to it, guys. It's not it again, what just like anything, if it's done in the right mindset for the right reason, it's perfectly fine. But again, that's not everything in our society is really geared around alcohol and drinking, whether it's sporting events or eating out or everything. Like the first thing is you want to drink, you want to drink, you want to drink, you want to drink. So I I think that's changing a little bit here. I'm starting to see that change with a lot of people, I think is a is is a good thing. But yeah, again, be the hero of your of your life, guys, and be different, be different. And that's gonna model something very, very powerful for for your kiddos by just saying, well, to to use that term, just say no, right? That's the old anti-drug. Some of these you know, campaigns from kid from childhood get stuck in your brain. They they work, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:16

Be the hero of your life, be like Jude, buy DVDs and do workouts with your daughters at home before school, get them up extra early. That's what a hero is.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

Oh my god. Yeah, I wish I took videos of some of those. It was just funny and and crazy. And they'll tell you, I mean, yeah. And if you ever talk, we should have them on sometime and talk you know about some of these stories because I they've got lots of fun stuff to to say about that. But anyway, that's a that's a whole nother episode too. All right guys, thanks for listening this week. I hope that you found some value in in in in what we shared. I think the theme Dallas was be the hero of your own life. Start with the physical fitness is the easiest thing to to to do and and the easiest thing to get rolling on it's going to have the the greatest multiplier effect for you and your family and in your life.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:04

Yeah for some for some men or for some people getting physical isn't easy. It's all it's simple for definitely it's simple. Sometimes it's easy sometimes it's not I I like that being physical is so concrete. It is a simple understandable tangible thing and you will feel it immediately things will shift around. Yeah don't rationalize your way out of it don't think oh I just went on a workout like last week and it was two months ago yeah get get in your body it it changes the whole game around the whole game. Absolutely absolutely all right guys and go check out everything what do we got when do we have the next uh we don't have the next uh ask ask a dating coach for a few weeks here so yep you got anything going on in your community here putting together some new packages coming up for putting us new packages for the black box dating breaking down the uh the clientele into four groups based on whether they're working they're they want to get more first dates or they they get plenty of first Jesus what happened oh you're still there but uh more I thought we had an internet cut out like last time never mind no no you're still going okay so yeah sorry about that everybody yeah we're I'm packaging together some different workshop series I'm gonna be doing with the guys based on whether you're looking for more first dates or you got plenty of first dates you're looking for more second and third dates or you're getting plenty of those dates and you're looking for you know how to move it into the bedroom and you're getting lots of dates and sex but you're not finding the woman that you really want to connect with and that's that's gonna be the highest level I'm breaking down these clients I'm currently in the process of packaging up these workshops and getting them rolled out so stay tuned.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:39

In the meantime jump over to Daz Dating after divorce get on the mailing list join the uh ask a dating coach event it's the third Thursday of every month is that right dude yes it is yeah okay good so yeah jump on there so yeah the next the next date yeah the next the third the third Thursday so the next one's gonna be April 16th so check out all Dallas's offerings at blackboxdating.com check out the events page at thedivorced advocate dot com leave us a star rating please leave us a comment share far and wide in social media helps proliferate this to all the dads that are looking to get back out there and get on hinge and suck in your stomach so that you're so that you look nice and spelled all right my friend have a good one we'll see you next week talk to you next week